This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.
1. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH FRIENDS AFTER A LOSS?
This seems like a very broad question, but I will try and answer it as best I can. I had many friends after my loss show compassion, while I had others who lacked empathy. I think the best advice I can give you is just to be honest with your friends after a loss… as hard as that might be. Be honest about how you’re feeling and doing. Don’t sugar coat it and say “I’m fine.” When in reality you’re not.
Secondly, I would also suggest being honest about telling them what you need. If you need company, invite them over. If you need to be left alone, tell them and be willing to set that boundary. I guess the biggest thing I am trying to say, is just be honest. I really struggled with being honest and open with my friends and family after my miscarriage. I didn’t want to tell people what I needed because I was stubborn and didn’t want to ask for help. Eventually, I swallowed my pride and started being honest and asking for help. Once I did this, it allowed many lines of communication to open which helped me and my different relationships entirely.
2. WHAT WERE SOME THING’S THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU THAT WERE HELPFUL AFTER YOUR MISCARRIAGE?
After my miscarriage, I dealt with a lot of people who either didn’t know what to say, or said the wrong thing. However, there were a few people who said things that were truly helpful and sincere during my grief. I am currently writing a whole post covering this question. However, I will share with you now a few things that were helpful after my miscarriage.
I really appreciated it when people said things like…..
I’m sorry for your loss.
My heart breaks for you.
I’m here for you if you need anything.
I’m praying for you.
It’s okay to be sad. You grieve the way you need to grieve.
3. ANY ADVICE FOR FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK AFTER 20 WEEK MISCARRIAGE?
For the person who sent me this question, I first just want to say I am very sorry for your loss. I also want to say thank you for reaching out to me. I guess the best advice I could give to you or anyone is to be gentle on yourself. It can be extremely challenging returning to work and everyday life following a miscarriage or any sort of trauma. I would encourage you to ease into this transition back to normal slowly. I would also like to encourage you to be kind to yourself. Reward yourself for little victories.
4. DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT WHEN OTHER WOMEN AROUND YOU ARE PREGNANT?
Yes! It is extremely difficult. Parts of me wishes so much that I was still pregnant, while other parts of me worries and has anxiety for women I know who are pregnant. I hope and pray all the time that they don’t experience the loss that I had.
5. WHAT HEALING LOOKED LIKE, WHAT YOU LEARNED, HOW YOU CAN USE YOUR EXPERIENCE TO HELP OTHERS?
Healing I feel is a life long process. It is enveloped in the grief process, and is felt and experienced in many moments throughout a life time. It changes you. The biggest thing about healing, is allowing yourself to feel the grief. Allowing this anguish allows us as humans to move forward in life. You gotta feel it. You gotta face it, or you won’t move forward. I found healing in various activities including writing, knitting, spending time with friends and family, taking pictures and so much more. It’s a never ending journey.
6. HOW DID YOU GET BACK TO FEELING LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN?
This is kind of a complex question, but I think the simplest answer is I got back to feeling like myself again by choosing to move forward and choosing to heal. I chose to talk about my miscarriage. I allowed myself to cry. I encouraged myself to write my story.
7. DO YOU REGRET TELLING PEOPLE YOU WERE PREGNANT BEFORE YOU MISCARRIED?
Not really. This thought crossed my mind after we lost the baby, but I’m thankful people knew I was pregnant and then lost my baby. I’m thankful I had people around me for love and support.
8. WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING?
Okay, so my bestie sent me this question. Haha! Thanks girl! I don’t know if I am that amazing so I wouldn’t even know how to answer that question.
Thanks for all the questions! Again I’m no expert, but I’m here to help and here to listen. ❤️
Grief and Mercy 