Now Available! Mackenzie Goes to Heaven Children’s Book

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is a children’s book, created for families who have gone through a pregnancy loss. It is designed to teach siblings and other children about the concept of miscarriage and how it affects a family, in a child friendly way.

Not only is this story about a mother who suffers a pregnancy loss, but the characters in the book are also named after my angel babies Mackenzie and Chase, as well as my brother Matthew who passed away as an infant.

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is available for $7.70 + Shipping HERE. Digital and Paperback copies are available.

My Goals for 2021

Finally, a new year. I don’t think anyone expected 2020 to go the way it did. When thousands of people were creating goals last January 1st, I’m sure none of them expected a global pandemic, a deadly sickness called the Corona virus, distance learning, state shut downs and the everyday wearing of face masks. None the less, it is officially 2021. We made it to another year.

I pray that this year is a 100 times better than last year in every way. And if not, I pray that through any struggle we may face, I pray we are able to learn and make the most of every situation.

This year I have written down 10 goals that I hope to complete in the year 2021.

My Goals for 2021

  • Publish My Memoir
  • Pay Off My Car
  • Recieve My FLE Certification
  • Lose 20 lbs.
  • Buy A New Car
  • Publish a Second Children’s Book
  • Read The Entire Bible
  • Publish a Self Care Journal
  • Pay Off My Credit Card
  • Start a Family

My deadline to complete these goals is December 31st, 2021 at midnight. Let the first page of this 365 page book begin!

A Recap of 2020

2020 was a year many thought would be a fresh start. It was the beginning of a new decade and a year for clear vision.,, or so we thought. But instead we were all taken for a loop by this deadly sickness called the Corona virus. In many people there was sheer panic and anxiety, and not long after the way we once lived our lives was no longer. We went from having the freedom to socialize with anyone and everyone, to being instructed to remain 6 feet apart with anyone out side our household. We were required to wear masks everywhere, and no longer had the freedom to dine in restaurants. Students as young as kindergarten and as old as college were forced to complete their studies strictly online.

This year has been anxiety inducing, confusing, exhausting, unpredictable and unexpected. But despite all of that, we have all had the chance at putting things into perspective. With a variety of shut downs and quarantines we have had more opportunities to spend quality time with our immediate families. We have learned to appreciate the time and moments we shared because they are precious, and the future is not promised.

For me personally, this year has been rough, but I have been given a lot blessings as well. This was a big year for me despite the craziness. Today I would like to reflect on 2020, the ups and downs, the blessings and challenges and everything in between.

Recap of My Goals for 2020

  • Graduate with my Bachelor’s degree in Child and Family Development. ✔️
  • Pay off my Car ✖️
  • Recieve my Certification in Family Life Education ✖️
  • Get a Pet ✔️
  • Publish my Memoir ✖️
  • Move to a New Home ✔️
  • Get Certified as a Life Coach ✖️

Recap of 2020

January

  • I started my last semester of college.
  • Started taking Plexus daily.

February

  • I started revamping my resume and applying to various jobs for after I would graduate.

March

  • I started a new job as a Lead Preschool Teacher.
  • Covid – 19 hit the US and life as we knew it changed.
  • We moved to our new apartment.

April

  • I finished my last semester of college.
  • My state and pretty much the country was forced into an immediate say-at-home order.
  • I graduated with my Bachelor’s of Science degree in Child and Family Development.

May

  • I returned back to work after being laid off.
  • I redecorated my new apartment.
  • I celebrated my 2nd Mother’s Day and Teacher Appreciation Week.
  • I honored my Due Date for my 2nd baby.
  • Charles and I started trying again.

June

  • I went to the cabin with my best friend Alli.
  • Started swimming and enjoying the beautiful summer weather.
  • My husband got a new job.

July

  • I published my first children’s book, Mackenzie Goes to Heaven.
  • I adopted a kitten and named him Rocky.

August

  • I turned 25.
  • I continued digging deep and working on my memoir.
  • I grew 9 plants on my balcony.

September

  • I hit 6 months of working at my job.
  • Charles and discussed and decided to pursue adoption.

October

  • I reached 150 followers on my blog.
  • I hit 25 sales on my children’s book.

November

  • I was named teacher of the month at my Job.

December

  • I did some goal setting for the year ahead.

2020 was crazy and definitely a year of change. Moving forward I predict 2021 will bring it’s own set of challenges and blessings. 💕

Happy New Year Friends!

Our Love Story (Part 2)

A few weeks went by, and Charles and I began talking and getting to know each other in class and through text. I tried very hard not to get my hopes up or read into anything. As a very reserved, previously homeschooled girl, I had never had this kind of friendship with a guy before. Because of this I was constantly questioning, what does this mean? Is Charles interested in me as more of a friend, or does he just want to be friends?

I was secretly asking myself these questions daily. As much as I wanted to be pursued I tried to stay grounded and enjoy this season of friendship and what ever it lead to. I was quite content in this thinking for awhile, until Charles would say things that would throw me off. For example, he would casually mention how we should hang out sometime outside of school. Or our professor would say something about food, and Charles would say that we should go together sometime. Because he said these things so often, I was under the impression it was his way of asking me out. But I also doubted myself, and thought I was just reading too much into it.

When ever Charles would mention, hanging out and going out to eat together, I never really answered him. I wasn’t answering him to be mean, I just didn’t know if he was serious or what we were to each other. At the time we really hadn’t had a define the relationship talk. All I knew is that, I was really starting to like Charles, maybe even more than a friend.


One Thursday morning in October, I headed to my Spanish class. I got to the door when I noticed a note saying our class was cancelled. I was super excited to not have class, and have extra time to work on some homework. I started to text Charles to let him know class was cancelled, when I saw him making his way down the stairs. He was walking and talking with another female classmate.

I’m not going lie. When I saw him, I was crushed. I told myself I got my hopes up for nothing. He’s just a friendly guy. He probably just wants to be friends. He’s not interested in me in the way I was hoping.

The three of us looked at the note. Charles was mad our professor didn’t email us, and he came to school for nothing. Our other classmate decided to go home, and it was just Charles and I standing in the hallway.

Despite the fact that I was questioning our friendship, I still really wanted to spend time with Charles. Charles said he had nothing to do for three hours until his next class. I had work in two hours. I knew it would be a wise decision to go find a quiet spot in the library and catch up on some homework. But, my gut and my heart told me to ask Charles to hang out. I almost didn’t say anything. But I knew the worst he could say was no, so I gave it a shot.

“I have a couple hours before I have to go to work, do you want to hang out in the student center?” My voice was shaky, but I was trying so hard to be brave.

“Okay” Charles said smiling. We then headed to the student center. I was dangerously smitten, still not sure what to think.

The intention was to sit in the student center, grab a bite to eat, have some light convesation and do some homework. That did not happen. Charles and I sat for two hours talking. I forgot to eat and we never pulled out our homework. We talked about everything from school, to our faith, to childhood, to family, to friends, to food. Charles again mentioned that we should go out to eat sometime. I pondered his question for a moment. Since I was already feeling brave, I decided to give him an answer.

“Okay, we can go out. When would you like to do it?”

Charles seemed surprised that I actually said yes. It must have thrown him because he didn’t say anything for a minute. After a long pause he finally said,

“Sorry, I’ve never done this before.” He then seemed to get nervous and not sure what to do next. “Well, you said you’ve never tried indian food before, and there’s a new Indian restaurant that just opened. Would you like to go there?”

I told him yes. It then became kind of awkward as we ironed out the details. We discussed how this is considered a date for the both of us. Charles mentioned that he wanted to do it after he would get paid that Friday, and we determined a date and time.

Our first date was planned for Saturday October 10th at 6pm. This only gave us both two days to prepare. I was so excited but so incredibly nervous.


On Saturday morning, I did some studying and went out to brunch with my momma. We had a very enjoyable meal talking about boys, dating and just growing up. I was super thankful to have this time with my mom before my very first date.

Around 4pm I started to get anxious, and had no idea what to wear. I settled on wearing dress pants, a nice shirt and my favorite jean jacket. I also spruced up my outfit with a little bit of perfume and some jewelry.

After scheduling our date, I made arrangements with my best friends Andrea and Alli to also come to the restaurant we were going to eat at. I did this because 1) I still didn’t know Charles all that well and I wanted to make sure I had a way to leave the date if things went south. 2) I was extremely nervous, and felt it would help me knowing somebody I knew was nearby and 3) this was a first for me and I needed the support and a little gentle push from my friends.

Around 5:30, my mom drove me to the Indian restaurant where I was planning to meet Charles. On the way to the restaurant I continued blabbering on to my mom about how nervous I was. When we turned on to the street where the restaurant was I began I get huge butterflies. This is stupid. This is so stupid. Why am I doing this? Just when I was deep in my thoughts about this whole thing, my mom said…

“Oh look, I see your friend!?” And just like that sheer panick came over me. I freaked out and yelled to my mom.

“Ah, mom I’m not ready for this! Drive!” I startled her with my response, and she continued driving trying to calm me down. As we continued driving we passed Charles walking to the restaurant. I asked my mom to circle the block a few times, as I still needed a few minutes. She tried her best not to laugh at my ridiculousness and kept driving.

About a minute later I received a text from Alli, asking why we passed the restaurant. I then realized that when my mom said she saw my friend she was referring to Alli and not Charles. I was obviously not thinking clearly as I realized my mom hadn’t even met Charles yet, so she didn’t know what he looked like.

I took a few minutes in the car to calm down, and let my mom pull into the parking lot of the restaurant. I greeted Alli at the front door, and she had a huge grin on her face. She asked me what happen and I told her the whole story. She laughed and told me everything was going to be fine, I then as politely as I could told Alli to go inside since Charles was coming. She looked at me confused.

“No, I’m going in with you.” I looked at her dumb founded.

“No you’re not, Alli he’s doesn’t know you’re coming.” At the time I was so nervous I didn’t realize how rude I probably sounded. My best friend took time out of her day to do this for me and I was acting like a brat. Alli, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry I was so rude that night and made you sit at a booth by yourself. I love you and I’m also sorry if I never apologized until now for that. 😭

Eventually, Alli went inside and sat at a table. Charles met me at the front door of the restaurant. He greeted me, told me I looked beautiful and held the door open for me. We made our way inside, and were seated at a table right away. Charles and I sat at a booth in some awkward silence. We nervously smiled at each other then buried ourselves into our menus.

After we ordered our food, I had nothing to hid behind, so we were forced to talk. Once we got over the initial awkwardness of this being a date, we started to have fun. We talked about the usual things, faith, school, family, and future plans. We both had some very yummy curry and both were creeped out by our waiter.

By 8 o’clock we were both full and tired. Alli was getting ready to leave as things were coming to an end, and my mom was almost at the restaurant. I offered Charles a ride home and a chance to meet my mom. He agreed and we both walked out to the car. Charles was friendly and polite to my mom. He thanked her for letting him take me out and said he appreciated the ride. When we got to his house he said goodbye to my mom and said goodbye to me. Everything was adorably perfect…. until he went to close the door.

He said: “Goodbye Ma’am, goodbye Kylie.” And shut the door, I felt embarrassment for him. Kylie? Did he forget my name?

Once I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up late talking to my mom all about our date. It was nice to have her perspective and I was thankful she was able to meet him. She said he was very nice, very educated and she could tell he really liked me and I really liked him. We both laughed at the fact that he called me Kylie. I was really hoping we just didn’t hear him right.

Around 12am, when I was getting ready for bed, I received a text from Charles. He said he had a really nice time, and he hoped I did too. He texted Good Night Kaylee, and again I had butterflies.

Another Negative

I have tossed around the idea of posting this photo. I have contemplated if I should even write a blog post about this particular topic as it is so incredibly personal. I have weighed the pros and cons of this post and decided on this. On my blog I have always been real and raw when it comes to my life, my challenges and my grief. Over the last twoish years I have shared the details of my grief and miscarriages because it not only helped me heal and process the trauma of that season in my life, but I knew one day my story could help someone else. Therefore, if I share my stories of pregnancy loss, then I can also share my challenges of trying to concieve and start a family.

Last May around Mother’s Day, Charles and I decided we again wanted to try and start a family. It had been 8 months since our second miscarriage and though I don’t think we can ever fully heal from a loss such as this, we both have gained a lot of growth, wisdom and strength from suffering two losses. So in May we decided to start trying again.

When deciding to try again, we discussed how we did not want to obsess over trying to get pregnant. Rather we were just going to allow what ever happen to happen. I wasn’t going to track my temp or track my ovulation. We decided we were going to try and live our lives and allow God to move when He sees fit.

In September, after 4 months of trying and no luck, Charles and I looked into adoption. The desire to become parents in the last few years has grown so strong, and we both love the idea of conceiving our own healthy baby, or adopting a child. Since September we have continued to research the option of adoption and have found there are a few steps we would need to complete before going any further. So in some ways we are at a stand still.

This past month we reached 6 months of trying. And I was convinced that I was pregnant. I was super hungry, tired, had a cold, emotional, my boobs hurt, my hips hurt, I had some cramping that was different than my normal period cramping, headaches and I was three days late. I hoped and prayed that I was pregnant as it would have been a sweet ending to a crazy year. But that wasn’t the case. Another negative yet again.

The day I took the test I was down, defeated and devastated. But as I write this over a week later, I realize that it was for the best. I don’t know why, but I know it wasn’t meant to be right now. Since my second miscarriage I have asked God to please not let me get pregnant unless I am pregnant with a healthy baby. And so, since getting another negative I look at it that way. As much as not getting pregnant right now is hard, it’s not as devastating for me as it would be to lose another baby.

I keep thinking God just wants me to do more, before having kids. Maybe that’s publishing my memoir. Maybe that’s moving up at my job. Maybe it’s making money through my blog. And maybe it’s just sharing my story with all of you. I don’t know the reason. But I know that I’m not in control. As scary as it is, I want to have a baby. I want to be a mom to a baby here on earth. But I know that if that stick had two lines, I would have been happy, but not excited.

When you’ve suffered a loss, getting pregnant again feels different. Since you’ve already had the worst happen, you’re extra cautious and it’s always in the back of your mind. Is it going to happen again? Am I going to lose this pregnancy? Will this be a healthy baby? Only God knows the answers to those questions. And only time will tell what’s in store for us.

For now, I am going to do my best to keep living my life, teaching preschoolers, loving my family, writing, and appreciating the little things. ❤️

My Top 10 Favorite Episodes of Grey’s Anatomy: Seasons 1 – 4

Grey’s Anatomy is my favorite tv show of all time. A close second would be 7th Heaven, Full House, Reba, Judging Amy and Gossip Girl. I started watching Greys right after I got married… so since 2016. This show has not only been on forever, but their predictable yet unpredictable stories are amazing. Anything from relationships, to surgery, to trauma, to lessons; this show always holds my attention.

Since this is my favorite show, I thought it would be fun to list my favorite episodes and the reasons why. This show has 17 seasons, so I decided to only focus on 4 seasons at a time. So, here we go…

Season 1

Episode 1: A Hard Days Night

Of course the first episode of Grey’s Anatomy made the list, because it’s the first. In this episode we are introduced to the original characters Meredith, Alex, George, Izzy, Christina, Miranda, Richard and Derrick. This is where the show first began, and we are able to see Meredith and her intern buddies on their first day of their intern year.

Episode 9: Who’s Zoomin’ Who?

This episode made my list because, when I first watched it, the ending honestly took me off guard. Later I learned that’s Grey’s Anatomy for you… many, many, many episodes will catch you off guard. However, I feel this episode is a favorite because it is when we first learn Derrick and his secrets. He is married and he left his wife because she cheated on him with his best friend.

Season 2

Episode 14: Bring the Pain

In this episode, Alex and George preform the legendary heart in an elevator scene. I love this episode because we get to see George fly solo for the first time and he has always been one of my favorite characters.

Episode 15: In to You Like A Train

This episode was super memorable because not only was Meredith waiting for Derrick to profess his love for her, but a huge accident with a train occurred and two people were badly injured by a pole penetrating them. There was much suspense in this episode and what was heart breaking is at the end of the episode they were only able to save one of the victims.

Episode 25: As We Know It

This is the second part of the bomb episode. The whole hospital is under code black and Meredith has her hand on a bomb in a patient. When I first watched this episode I was on the edge of my seat, and all seemed to be okay until it exploded at the very end.

Episode 35: Losing My Religon

The season finally of season 2 was really good in my opinion. Denny gets a heart, then strokes out from a blood clot. Meredith and Derrick have to put down their dog and stop fighting the fact that they have feelings for each other. Izzy quits and the hospital hosts a prom.

Season 3

Episode 42: Where the Boys Are

I honestly really enjoyed this episode because one it was entertaining to see all the men taking a camping trip to the woods; and two because it was entertaining seeing Alex and George fight out their differences.

Episode 51: Drowning on Dry Land

This episode had me on the edge of my seat as I really thought Meredith had drowned and died. However, her doctors/ friends worked tirelessly trying to save her and eventually they did.

Season 4

Episode 69: Crash Into Me Part 1

An ambulance crash right outside the hospital caused many of the doctors to try and save the paramedics inside. This episode was very sad, but I throughly enjoyed how it all played out.

Episode 77: Freedom Part 2

Not only was this episode the second part of the ambulance crash, but also Lexie’s patient’s main artery blew and that was crazy to see.

Our Love Story (Part 1)

In September of 2014, I was 19 and preparing to go on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. Going on a mission trip was a huge goal of mine, but I had never flown in a plane or traveled outside the country. In fact, I knew very little Spanish. So, in order to prepare for my trip, I decided to take a Spanish class at my community college. The Spanish class with Professor Mulligan, changed my life. Without giving anything away, let me share the details of our love story from the very beginning…

On Thursday September 4th, 2014 I began my second year of college. I attended my second class of the day, Spanish 101. I was nervous that this course was going to be more than I could handle, but at the same time I was excited to learn a new language. When I entered the classroom, I contemplated on where to sit. The round tables were arranged sporaticly as if we would be doing a lot of group work.

I decided to sit at the front table, while many other classmates made their way to the back tables. It was looking like I was going to be the only brave soul to sit at the front of the room. This was actually fine with me, since I am a huge introvert and shy when meeting new people.

I was content with the realization that I would likely be sitting by myself the entire semester, however right before the class started, my thoughts were interrupted by a guy sitting next me. I immediately felt the awkwardness of just the two of us sitting at the front table.

I tried so hard not to make eye contact with the stranger. He was a little taller than me, black, glasses, thin, and he had a cracked phone screen, large backpack and a skateboard he carried with him. The stranger tried to make eye contact with me and said.

“I don’t like seeing people sit alone.” He continued staring and waited for my response. What do I say to that? I thought.

“Oh” is all I could say, as my thoughts were clouded by the intense feeling of awkwardness.


As the next couple weeks went by, Charles continued to sit next to me everyday in Spanish. Since we had our Spanish class 4 days a week, we quickly got to know each other as well as our professor. Our professor was one of a kind. He often went on bunny trails telling story after story of how he had embarrassed himself many times in the Spanish language. He had a love for Spain and Costa Rica. He loved talking about Spanish cusines and how we should all take a trip to these amazing places.

On one of the first days of Spanish, our professor said something and to this day it still sticks out in my mind. As he shared about his many years of teaching Spanish, at one point he said:

“I have had 5 couples in my class meet their spouse. And I have been invited to 4 of their weddings.” After saying this, he looked at both Charles and I sitting at the front table. I instantly thought welp that’s not going to be us…. it’s highly unlikely. As I thought this, Charles just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.


About 3 weeks into the semester, I started to open up to Charles. I tried my best to ignore him and not talk, but in Spanish you are forced to practice the language you are learning, so that meant I had to talk to Charles. But since we were forced to talk in Spanish, it some what broke the awkwardness when we tried talking in English.

On Thursday, at the end of Spanish class Charles tried asking me a question in Spanish. I had no idea what he was asking, and I kept asking him to repeat it. When I realized what he was asking I still played dumb, because I still was feeling shy. Eventually, I mustered up some courage and repeated the question back in English.

“You want my phone number” I said actually feeling quite flattered. He said yes, and I took a chance and gave him my number. I was shaking as I wrote down the 9 digits on a piece of notebook paper, because I had never given a guy my phone number before. I started to feel the sense of awkwardness again as he looked at the number and smiled. I said “Feel free to text me, but I’m super busy and bad at texting back.” He said he understood and we told each other to have a good weekend.

What I said to him wasn’t entirely true. I was busy with school and two jobs, but at the time I loved texting and usually texted people back right away. I said it to Charles though because I didn’t know how I felt about him yet and didn’t want to feel obligated to text him back. He made me very nervous, and I didn’t know if it was because I liked him, or because I didn’t know him well enough to trust him yet.

Regardless of my mixed feelings, I still obsessively looked at my phone that entire afternoon, hoping he would text me…. and he did.

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven: Q & A

Recently, I asked my followers on Instagram and Facebook to send me their questions about my new children’s book, Mackenzie Goes to Heaven. I have taken the time to write and answer each one of your questions. Check it out. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven: Question and Answer with the Author Kaylee Rhames

“Great Illistrations! Did you do them?”

I did all of the illistrations for the book. It took quite a bit of practice to have the illistratrations turn out the way I wanted them to. In fact the illistrations were the first part of the book that was completed before anything else. When creating the artwork for the book, I wanted to create something very child friendly, and appropriate that could be shared within the family.

“Advice for TTC (trying to concieve) after pregnancy loss?

Hmm… this question is something I have had to ponder for awhile. I guess the best advice I could give is know that many things are out of your control and try to make the best out of every situation. It’s nearly impossible to not have stress or anxiety when trying to concieve after loss. But at the same time, since much of what the future holds is out of our control, it’s best to give your self grace, stay positive and trust that some good will come out of the storm that you’ve gone through.

“For what ages is the book appropriate?”

So, I tried to design this book to be appropriate for all ages because so many families suffer from pregnancy loss. I think children who would benefit most from this story would be ages 2 – 6 years old. But again, the story can be beneficial for everyone.

“How long did it take you to get your blog going?”

I had my first miscarriage in February of 2019. After a few months of grieving and living in a fog, I wanted to do something with my strong emotions and energy. I decided to start a blog to not only find a healthy outlet for my grief but also to share my story in order to help others. I started my blog in April of 2019. It wasn’t until June of 2019 that I realized my blog was something I wanted to continue as a hobby and eventually a career.

“What inspired you to share your story in a children’s book?”

I have always wanted to write a book, and have always loved children’s books. I remember in February of 2020, I was suffering from the flu and bored out of my mind. But while being down and out at home, I came up with the idea to create a children’s book about miscarriage. At first I thought it was a dumb idea, and possibly too large of a concept for children to grasp. Then I realized that miscarriages are so common among families, and if it is confusing for adults to understand, then I can imagine it is beyond confusing for children to understand. So that’s when I thought i need to make this resource.


Thanks for joining me on my Question and Answer of my children’s book Mackenzie Goes to Heaven! You can purchase a copy of the book at the link below! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven Children’s Book: Order Now!

Now Available!!! Mackenzie Goes to Heaven Children’s Book

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is a children’s book, created for families who have gone through a pregnancy loss. It is designed to teach siblings and other children about the concept of miscarriage and how it affects a family, in a child friendly way.

Not only is this story about a mother who suffers a pregnancy loss, but the characters in the book are also named after my angel babies Mackenzie and Chase, as well as my brother Matthew who passed away as an infant.

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is available for $7.70 + Shipping HERE. Digital and Paperback copies are available.

Grief & Mercy 4th Blog Post Round Up

It is time again for another blog post round up! The following are a list of recent blog posts that were not only popular but also a favorite to myself and many of my readers.

My Kitchen Reveal!

In late March, my husband and I moved to our new apartment right at the beginning of the Corona virus Pandemic. It was crazy, quick and overwhelming. Regardless of how we got here, we absolutely love our new home. Check out my kitchen reveal post to see how I decorated our kitchen.

New Edition to the Family!

As many of you know, we did add a new edition to our family this year, and his name is Rocky. He is a gray, long haired domestic tabby. He is super smart, hilarious, and sassy. We love him so much and are so glad we adopted him.

Deep Fried Pickles Recipe

Since graduating from college, I have found myself in the kitchen more often. Part of this is because I have more time to cook, and it is also because I no longer have the luxury of eating meals at the dining hall. Check out my Deep Fried Pickles recipe, and other recipes I will be sharing this month.

What’s My Why?

What’s my why? This is a question that many influencers ask themselves. What’s the reason I write a blog? What’s the reason I advocate for this important cause? What’s the reason I do what I do every single day? This blog post talks all about why I do what I do.

Another Plants Update

This past summer was the first summer I had a balcony. I took full advantage of this balcony by growing many different plants. Check out my different blog posts this summer of my progress and fails in growing plants.

It’s Been 19 Years Since the World Changed

It has been 19 years since 9/11 happened. As I mentioned in this blog post, it is one of the first tragic terrorist attacks that I can recall in my life time. In this post I discuss my memories of that fateful day.

Happy Fall Ya’ll

Having holidays in a new apartment, means I get to try some new decorating ideas. For example, I have never had my own fireplace that I have been able to decorate. But this year, I plan to decorate it for every season. Check out this post to see how I decorated for fall.

Expanding Our Family… What’s Next for Us

This unexpectedly, was a super popular post. This was the post where I shared our thoughts on expanding our family. I also share a tentative 2 year plan as we prepare for parenthood.

Taco Baked Potato Recipe

I am such a huge fan of potatoes and tacos. So I thought, why not combine the two? In this post I share my recipe of a Taco Baked Potato.

Christmas Decorating 2020

Yes, I know… another decorating post. But I can’t help it, I love decorating and home decor. Check out this post to see how I decorated this year for Christmas.

A Look Ahead…

Breakfast Bruschetta Recipe

Our Love Story

Kid’s Corner: Color Sorting Activity

An Update On My Writing Projects

I can’t believe it’s almost November. Friends, where did October go? This month has been quite a struggle in getting myself motivated to write. When I get stumped, discouraged and tired; I often try to envision how I will feel once my memoir is complete. Writing a book is not easy. It can be a daunting task that I want to constantly give up on. But, I don’t dare give up because I’ve come so far and know I’m meant to do this.

Lately, I’ve just had a variety of really high highs and really low lows when it comes to my emotions, my grief and my goals. It’s exhausting. I try to look at the positive. I have a great job teaching kids everyday. I recently got named teacher of the month, which is also exciting. My husband and I are very busy, but are in a really good place. I love and adore my fur baby Rocky and things are going well for us financially as we pay off our debts.

When you put it that way, life is great and I shouldn’t be complaining. That’s when I feel a high. I feel like I can do this and it’s going to be okay. Then I think about the holidays… Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I’m not pregnant. I don’t have a foster baby and I don’t have any living children. I see friends my age having babies, celebrating birthdays, and holidays with their families. I think about the women who have been trying for 3+ years without any luck, and fear that one day will be me. I hear moms all the time complain about lack of sleep from their infant, tantrums from their toddler, and distant learning experiences from their adolescents…. while all the while I too wish I could be sharing the same experiences.

Thinking about all of this puts me in a very low low. I get to the point where I don’t want to see anyone. I want to hide away in my apartment and forget all the moms pregnant with quarantine babies, and the parents getting their kids ready for Halloween. I want to forget it all because at times it is so hard to deal with.

So you see, I’m not making a ton of progress on my writing because of the emotional grieving tornado I am currently facing. Writing sometimes helps, but sometimes it brings up emotions and memories I’m not quite ready to relive again. I’m not giving up. Not at all. But I am taking my time with this as I continue striving forward with my goals and try not to fear for what the future might hold.

September

Can I be frank? September is not a very good month for me. It used to be. I used to get so excited about back to school picturess, sale items on school supplies, fresh starts and the transition from summer to fall. However, since 2019… I have viewed the month of September much differently.

September 16th, a date that will forever stick out in my mind. This was supposed to be the end of my pregnancy, my baby’s due date. But as we all know, my pregnancy ended a lot sooner than expected. As much as I would like to push past my grief, I can’t. I can’t help but wonder if my baby had lived to be happy and healthy. I can’t help but wonder if September 16th could have been my baby’s birthday. My heart aches at the person she could have been.

Not only does September 16th stick out in my head, but also the 27th and 28th. On September 9th 2019, I found out I was pregnant again with my second baby, of whom I thought was my rainbow baby. Turns out God had other plans. And through hours of pain, anxiety and grief I lost my second baby between the 27th and 28th of September.

So you see, September is really not a good month for me. I’m the kind of person that is very good at remembering specific dates. It’s a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I wish I could forget. Or even be so busy with life that it doesn’t really faze me. But that’s not who I am. I remember. Call it what ever you want, but if you ask me, this is what grief looks like.

So I apologize if I’ve been a little MIA lately. I’m grieving. Grieving doesn’t ever really stop, but just gets intense from time to time… and that’s where I am right now. So for now, I guess I am going to enjoy September the best way I can, and grieve the only way I know how… with gentleness and through writing.

Ya’ll I Just Created a Twitter Account

Since Twitter first became a thing, I have never really been interested. I just never understood the point. However, since venturing in the world of writing and publishing, I have felt it is important to connect with other authors like myself.

I created a Twitter Account for 5 reasons…

1. Connect with other authors

2. Give my book and future books more exposure.

3. Become inspired by by various writing prompts, thoughts and current events.

4. To provide real time updates and progress on my writing.

5. To try something new.

Twitter is still very new to me and I don’t fully understand it… but I’m willing to give it a whirl.

If you’re bored, interested or curious, feel free to give me a follow over on Twitter!

Now Available!!! Mackenzie Goes to Heaven

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is a children’s book, created for families who have gone through a pregnancy loss. It is designed to teach siblings and other children about the concept of miscarriage and how it affects a family, in a child friendly way.

Not only is this story about a mother who suffers a pregnancy loss, but the characters in the book are also named after my angel babies Mackenzie and Chase, as well as my brother Matthew who passed away as an infant.

Mackenzie Goes to Heaven is available for $7.70 + Shipping HERE. Digital and Paperback copies are available.

My Summer 2020 Bucket List: Review

Today’s the day! It’s August 30th, which was the deadline for my summer bucket list. To be honest, I did not get nearly as many goals accomplished that I had hoped. However, my summer has been quite more busy than I anticipated as well. So, I’ll take what I can get. I hope everyone’s summer has not only been productive but also restful. The following is a list of my summer goals, and how I may or may not have accomplished them.

Goals Met This Summer

1. Grow my Plants and Produce Fruits, Veggies and Spices

This summer, I am proud to say that I actually had a successful garden. I think I planted a total of 13-15 plants since April. Out of all of those I have had about 7 survive. And considering the fact that I used to kill all my plants I ever owned, I would say it was quite an accomplishment. This summer I was able to successfully grow and produce a ton of chives as well as four green peppers!

2. Visit the Lake Shore At Least Once.

In late June, I was able to complete this goal when going on a weekend vacation with my friend Alli. It was warm, beautiful and wonderfully relaxing.

3. Have a Game Night with Friends

In June, Charles and I also had a dinner and game night with friends in our apartment. It was fun to be able to entertain and visit with company.

4. Create and Commit to a Yoga Routine.

This goal was hard to complete, but I would say I have definitely gotten a routine down and completed this goal. For a while, I was very unmotivated to do yoga. I was exhausted, eating junk and living off caffeine. So much so, I forgot how to breathe and how to relax. But now, I have been doing mini yoga workouts a few times a week. I have even taught my preschoolers a few poses.

5. Write and Publish a Children’s Book.

I think everyone knows I completed this goal, and I am so excited for it. My book launched at the end of July and has been pretty successful. I am so thankful I have been able to create something in honor of my babies, and in order to help families who are coping with pregnancy loss.


Goals Not Met This Summer

1. Finish First Draft of Memoir

I haven’t finished this goal yet, but I have made some progress. I am strategically working on different chapters, in hopes of having the first draft done very soon.

2. Crochet a Large Blanket

I didn’t end up finishing this goal either. To be honest, I was not in the mood to crochet much this summer. It has been very hot and just not something I found myself interested in.

3. Apply and Receive my Family Life Education Certification

I haven’t completed this goal yet, and frankly I kind of forgot. It was something I put on the back burner, hoping to get to after Covid. But since Covid isn’t going away anytime soon, I guess it is probably something I should try and figure out.

4. Write and Post 200 Blog Posts.

I was so close to this goal, but I just didn’t quite make it. Including this post, I have written 180 blog posts! I was 20 short of my goal. But that’s okay, maybe next time.

5. Buy a Coffee Table for my Living Room

I haven’t completed this goal. I have had a few expenses come up including a flat tire, a kitten, an antenna etc. Eventually though, I hope to get a coffee table.

Thanks for reading! ❤️