Reblog: Things to Say and Do After a Woman Has Had a Miscarriage

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

1. THE BEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IS “I LOVE YOU, I’M HERE FOR YOU, AND I’M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS”

Wouldn’t you agree that after someone dies, there’s not really much of anything that people can say to take the pain away. Even though people don’t like to see you hurt, they also don’t know what to say. And when it comes to experiencing a miscarriage, people really don’t know what to say. They can see your grieving, but they don’t feel the loss nearly as deeply because they didn’t meet or have a bond with the life that was once inside you. Unfortunately, our society does not know how to treat miscarriage as a loss or death.

When I was grieving and at my worst, people didn’t know what to say to me either. There were people who said a lot of the wrong things, and there were a lot of people who just left me alone. But the best things people said to me that were not hurtful, did not offer unsolicited advice, and were sensitive were: “I love you, I’m here for you, I’m sorry for your loss, if you ever want to talk let me know, I’m thinking about you and I’m praying for you.”

2. OFFERING TO CLEAN, COOK AND RUN ERRANDS.

You know how when someone dies, people make you food? Well, I really appreciated this. I don’t know why food is such a comfort, but it is. It seems that when people don’t know what to say they make food. I had a neighbor make dinner for my husband and I, a yummy dish from the Dominican… it was amazing. Our associate pastor and his wife made us chicken, green beans and potatoes…. so good. My sister in law, who worked all day invited us over and made us a feast! Bless her heart. And my Momma provided me with lots of comfort food when I was recovering from surgery. Food doesn’t make everything better, but in that moment of grief when you need something to numb it for awhile, food helps.

3. PAMPERING THE ANGEL MOMMY

Being pampered by friends and family helped me in many ways. My momma bought me a massage right before Mother’s Day. I had no idea how badly I needed it, until my tears and emotions came out all over the table. My husband went out and bought me chicken wings at midnight when I was having a really emotional night and couldn’t sleep. My bestie Alli came over in the middle of the night and we drove all over town eating Oreos. So many people did kind things for me, when I needed it most, I highly recommend this. Of course I also would recommend proceeding with caution and sensitivity.

4. PROVIDING SPACE TO THE GRIEVING COUPLE

I feel this is super important. The Momma is not the only one that experiences a pregnancy loss. Sure, she is the only one that experiences the physical pain of loss, but it’s also important to remember that father’s grieve too. I know of many men, my husband included who not only struggle to help their wives grieve, but also felt somewhat disregarded when it came to their grief and emotions. So, it is super important to allow the grieving couple time and space. Even recommending a getaway could be beneficial… but again proceed with caution.

5. CHECK IN

Hearing the worst news, that your baby is gone is heartbreaking. It honestly numbs you. Looking back now, I barely remember the time in between my ultrasound and my surgery, and the whole month of March is a blur. I do remember laying in bed a lot, eating occasionally, crying until my head hurt and listening to sad music. I also remember having people check in. It’s something I would have never asked for, but truly appreciated. I had friends and family call and text me daily just to check in and make sure I was alive. So many of them opened the doors for communication and gave encouraging words to my tender broken heart. I highly recommend checking in on a friend or loved one if they have suffered a loss. It’s not much, but also not to pushy. Even if they don’t respond it is still nice that people care for you when you are feeling so alone, Sure, there were many times I didn’t want to talk, but I still loved that so many people cared. ❤️

6. BE SENSITIVE WITH YOUR WORDS

This is a big one… and I can’t stress this enough. Please be very careful with your words. After suffering a loss your mind and your heart are in a truly fragile state. It is likely that the grieving mother is heart broken, constantly blaming herself and hating life. So, it is truly important not to contribute to these emotions of anger and sorrow by saying things like “You’re young you’ll have more, or You shouldn’t have stressed yourself out so much, or at least you already have a baby.”

7. HONORING THEIR LOSS

Above anything else I’ve said, I think this is actually the most important. One of the biggest fears that I and so many moms have, is that the child they have lost will be forgotten, as if that little life that lived in them had never existed. It means the world to me when friends and family talk about my baby. It may make me sad and weepy, but also makes me feel loved and my baby never forgotten. I really appreciate it when friends and family are sensitive and saying they are thinking of me on holidays and anniversaries, because they know it’s not going to be an easy day for me. Showing love and honoring the baby’s memory is literally the best thing you can do to help a woman after a miscarriage.


I am not an expert or doctor in anyway, just a woman, a writer and a woman who has lost a baby. I hope these little pieces of advice help in some way. If you are reading this and you have suffered an unimaginable lost, I just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss, reach out to me anytime.

Reblog: You’re in Heaven Poem

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

You’re in Heaven

The day I found out you were gone, was the worst day.

I didn’t see it coming, and I didn’t want to believe it.

I wanted to scream, cry and run because I was so afraid.

I didn’t want to feel the heaviness of grief wash over me.

I didn’t want to believe you were gone.

As the weeks go by, I hate this but know that this is how it has to be.

The doubts and anger sometimes flutters back.

I thought you were okay, but I guess I was wrong.

I think about you every single day.

I wonder where you are, and if you are happy, safe, near or far away.

It gives me peace knowing you are in a beautiful place.

You’re in Heaven where there is no pain.

I so wish I could meet you and see your face.

But since that’s not a choice I have, I instead wait for the rain.

After the rain there is usually a rainbow.

I see this as a sign from Heaven, that I had to let you go.

You are doing good.

You weren’t meant to live this life with me like I think you should.

You are in Heaven watching over me.

And everyday I feel you with me. ❤️

Reblog: Grief & Mercy Blog Q & A: I am answering all your questions about miscarriage, grief, healing, recovery and my personal experience

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

1. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH FRIENDS AFTER A LOSS?

This seems like a very broad question, but I will try and answer it as best I can. I had many friends after my loss show compassion, while I had others who lacked empathy. I think the best advice I can give you is just to be honest with your friends after a loss… as hard as that might be. Be honest about how you’re feeling and doing. Don’t sugar coat it and say “I’m fine.” When in reality you’re not.

Secondly, I would also suggest being honest about telling them what you need. If you need company, invite them over. If you need to be left alone, tell them and be willing to set that boundary. I guess the biggest thing I am trying to say, is just be honest. I really struggled with being honest and open with my friends and family after my miscarriage. I didn’t want to tell people what I needed because I was stubborn and didn’t want to ask for help. Eventually, I swallowed my pride and started being honest and asking for help. Once I did this, it allowed many lines of communication to open which helped me and my different relationships entirely.

2. WHAT WERE SOME THING’S THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU THAT WERE HELPFUL AFTER YOUR MISCARRIAGE?

After my miscarriage, I dealt with a lot of people who either didn’t know what to say, or said the wrong thing. However, there were a few people who said things that were truly helpful and sincere during my grief. I am currently writing a whole post covering this question. However, I will share with you now a few things that were helpful after my miscarriage.

I really appreciated it when people said things like…..

I’m sorry for your loss.

My heart breaks for you.

I’m here for you if you need anything.

I’m praying for you.

It’s okay to be sad. You grieve the way you need to grieve.

3. ANY ADVICE FOR FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK AFTER 20 WEEK MISCARRIAGE?

For the person who sent me this question, I first just want to say I am very sorry for your loss. I also want to say thank you for reaching out to me. I guess the best advice I could give to you or anyone is to be gentle on yourself. It can be extremely challenging returning to work and everyday life following a miscarriage or any sort of trauma. I would encourage you to ease into this transition back to normal slowly. I would also like to encourage you to be kind to yourself. Reward yourself for little victories.

4. DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT WHEN OTHER WOMEN AROUND YOU ARE PREGNANT?

Yes! It is extremely difficult. Parts of me wishes so much that I was still pregnant, while other parts of me worries and has anxiety for women I know who are pregnant. I hope and pray all the time that they don’t experience the loss that I had.

5. WHAT HEALING LOOKED LIKE, WHAT YOU LEARNED, HOW YOU CAN USE YOUR EXPERIENCE TO HELP OTHERS?

Healing I feel is a life long process. It is enveloped in the grief process, and is felt and experienced in many moments throughout a life time. It changes you. The biggest thing about healing, is allowing yourself to feel the grief. Allowing this anguish allows us as humans to move forward in life. You gotta feel it. You gotta face it, or you won’t move forward. I found healing in various activities including writing, knitting, spending time with friends and family, taking pictures and so much more. It’s a never ending journey.

6. HOW DID YOU GET BACK TO FEELING LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN?

This is kind of a complex question, but I think the simplest answer is I got back to feeling like myself again by choosing to move forward and choosing to heal. I chose to talk about my miscarriage. I allowed myself to cry. I encouraged myself to write my story.

7. DO YOU REGRET TELLING PEOPLE YOU WERE PREGNANT BEFORE YOU MISCARRIED?

Not really. This thought crossed my mind after we lost the baby, but I’m thankful people knew I was pregnant and then lost my baby. I’m thankful I had people around me for love and support.

8. WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING?

Okay, so my bestie sent me this question. Haha! Thanks girl! I don’t know if I am that amazing so I wouldn’t even know how to answer that question.

Thanks for all the questions! Again I’m no expert, but I’m here to help and here to listen. ❤️

Reblog: The Things They Don’t Tell You When You Have a Miscarriage… or at Least the Things They Didn’t Tell Me

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

When becoming pregnant, I knew there was a risk I could have a miscarriage, especially in the first trimester. However, I thought chances were quite slim. Both my husband and I are in pretty good health. There are no miscarriages that run in my family, and I was doing everything I could physically and mentally to take care of my growing baby. I am also well educated with an Associate’s in General Studies, an Associate’s in Early Childhood Education and on my way to getting a Bachelor’s in Child and Family Development. Even though I didn’t have the experience of being a mommy yet, I did have the experience and a well rounded education of working with children.

Throughout my pregnancy I researched and familiarized myself with the signs and symptoms of miscarriage. The most common signs are cramping, bleeding and spotting, back pain, headache and nausea. In all my research, I had never found anything that said you could have a miscarriage and not even know it. So, when I went to my 11 week ultrasound, I was completely blindsided. I didn’t have any symptoms, I just had common pregnancy symptoms.

After having my D & C, I was given some basic instructions of recovery and post-op care. However, there were many things I experienced after my miscarriage and D & C that my doctors failed to tell me about. The following are a list of things I wish I had known after my miscarriage. Plus, some of these are a bit TMI, so if you are at all squeamish… you may want to skip ahead.

1. It’s Important to be Consistent With Your Pain Meds and other Post-Op Care.

After my D & C I was pretty doped up on pain and anxiety meds. Once I went to my parent’s house to recover, I rotated between Ibprophen and Tylenol. Make sure to talk with your doctor and follow the instructions on the medication bottle before taking anything. I remember having cramps off and on for the next several days. There were some nights I would wake up in pain. It wasn’t excruciating pain but enough to be uncomfortable and wake me up. I set my alarm every 6 to 8 hours to remind myself to take something.

It was also important for me to stay hydrated by drinking water and other fluids.

Lastly, I used a lot of hot and cold pads. I was given some from the hospital, but they are also available at various stores including Target, Meijer and Walgreens. I put these anywhere it hurt.

2. What Bleeding is “Normal” and What Bleeding is Concerning.

At the hospital I was told that I could bleed after my D & C for up to 2 weeks. However, if I was bleeding enough to fill a pad within an hour, I needed to go to the ER because I could be losing too much blood and hemorrhaging. Now the consistency in bleeding really depends on the person. For me, It was relatively light but if I was more active, or emotional I would start to bleed heavier. Also the color of blood was all over the place. Sometimes it was bright red while other times it was light brown.

3. It’s Possible to Start Lactating After a Miscarriage or D & C.

About three days post surgery my breast were very tender and just felt full. I didn’t know what was happening. I assumed it was just my hormones dropping in my body… but I wasn’t totally sure. I had my surgery on a Thursday and that following Sunday morning I woke up wet. My chest and whole top half of my shirt was soaked. I really wasn’t sure what was going on. I got up to change my shirt and as I was changing I realized exactly what was happening… I was lactating.

That afternoon I called my doctor and asked if it was normal or at all concerning. I spoke with a nurse and apparently lactating does occur in some women after a miscarriage. Since my pregnancy body was nearing towards the end of the first trimester, I guess my body had enough hormone to produce milk… at least that’s how I understood it. I spoke to a friend who recently had a baby and she said that normally your milk doesn’t fully come in until three or so days after you give birth. If that is the case and my milk came in three days after my surgery, then that would mean my body thought I had had a baby. This sent me into a spiraling emotional mess. Not only was I upset that my doctor didn’t tell me I could start lactating, but I was also upset my body was making milk for a baby I no longer had. This just rubbed salt in my very raw wounds.

So, if you recently had a miscarriage and begin lactating, I do highly suggest a few things to try.

– Call your doctor and ask for their advice. My doctor told me I could lactate for 1 – 2 weeks… I ended up lactating for 5ish weeks but everyone is different.

– Wearing a super supportive bra can be very helpful… I even wore it when I slept.

 Wearing nursing pads are great and super absorbent.

– Using ice or cabbage can actually give you a lot of relief… just not heat because that could cause you to produce more milk.

4. Loss of Pregnancy Symptoms.

I think part of the reason my doctors didn’t tell me about this is because it truly depends on the person. I was told that my hormones would likely drop within a few weeks. However, I wasn’t told or truly prepared for the emotional toll it would take on me. I can imagine that after you give birth, you feel your hormones drop and no longer feel pregnant, however you do have a baby. Whereas, when you have a miscarriage and you slowly start to stop feeling pregnant, it feels like just another thing to lose. As much as I complained about being pregnant, I loved it and would truly give anything to still be pregnant.

5. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I think it is absolutely incredible that just within the last 15 years we have learned so much about PTSD. For the longest time it was known as, the disorder soldiers get after war. But, through a lot of research and awareness of mental health, our society has discovered truly what PTSD is and how anyone can get it after suffering a traumatic event. I talked about this with my counselor, and she said although she wasn’t diagnosing me with PTSD she did say I had some symptoms of it including insomnia, flashbacks and night terrors.

If you feel you are experiencing any symptoms of PTSD, I strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor, seek out a support group, or get into counseling.

6. Triggers

Since I am a peer educator for survivors of sexual assault, I knew about triggers. I know there are many events, words and things that can trigger a survivor of a past assault. However, since having a miscarriage I also discovered my own personal challenges and specific things that would trigger me and remind me of my loss.

Some of my personal triggers include…..

– Babies crying

– The baby aisle at the store

– Pickles (My pregnancy craving)

– Young children playing, laughing and with their parents

– Pregnancy Announcements

– Seeing Pregnant women

– Discussions of Abortion

After having a miscarriage, I had no idea how many things and how easily I could be set off and start crying. I remember about two weeks after my surgery I walked past a daycare with children playing, and I lost it. I just stood there paralyzed and sobbing watching the kids play, devastated my baby was gone. It’s a good thing I was a safe distance away and the kids didn’t notice… otherwise they would have probably been really concerned.

Overall, it’s important to keep in mind that after having a miscarriage…. or a traumatic event for that matter, you will likely be triggered from time to time. It is helpful to try and take care of yourself, and prevent yourself from being triggered, like getting off social media to avoid pregnancy announcements. But just keep in mind you will likely not be able to avoid everything. It is a process.

7. Emotions and Hormones

The hardest thing after my miscarriage, was dealing with my hormones and emotions. I was a bundle of emotions. One minute I was angry. One minute I was sad. One minute I was depressed. One minute I couldn’t sleep. One minute I was numb and the list goes on and on. Not only was I grieving over the loss of my baby but I was also angry and hating my body for failing me. On top of that my hormones were dropping like I was on constant PMS. It was horrible.

If you are experiencing these symptoms following a miscarriage, there are some things I want you to know. First off, its okay to not be okay for awhile. It’s okay to feel unstable and even a little crazy. It’s okay to feel every emotion you’re feeling. In this moment it absolutely sucks, but just know it won’t be like this forever. Secondly, please, please, please be gentle with yourself. As hard as it is to not blame yourself for what happen, please try to understand losing your baby was not your fault.

For the record, I am not an expert or doctor in anyway, but I have experienced a miscarriage and understand what it’s like to lose a baby. So I am always here to talk and to listen. The above advice is just something I have learned from my own personal experience.

Reblog: The Hurtful Things People Say… and What NOT to Say After a Woman has a Miscarriage

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

When Charles and I shared the news with people that we had lost our baby, we had a variety of many different reactions. A majority of people meant well, however that didn’t make their words hurt any less. Miscarriage is a trauma, and unfortunately our society doesn’t fully understand how to help people who have endured trauma. Now, I’m no expert…. but I would like to share with you my experience of things people said to me and what not to say to a woman or couple who have experienced a miscarriage.

1. Trying to Make Them Feel Better…”It will be okay.” “It happen for a reason.” 

Many, many, many people told me this. I wouldn’t necessarily consider this phrase bad as much as unhelpful. Yes, it is true that after a traumatic event happens, with time and healing, life goes on and things are somewhat “okay”, However, if someone is in shock, crisis, depressed or unstable…. saying this phrase can make them feel that their situation doesn’t matter, isn’t a big deal or they are overreacting. I never found this phrase helpful, and it only made me angry instead of making me feel better.

2. You’re Not Too Old to Try Again… “You’re young… you’ll have more.” 

A cashier at a store said this to me when my husband was buying me a gift in remembrance of our baby. For the record… being young doesn’t not necessarily mean you’ll be able to have more kids, and secondly being young does not make it hurt any less.

3. Asking Too Many Questions and Over Analyzing… “Were you trying?” “Was it a planned pregnancy?” “How did you get pregnant?”

It’s okay to want to help a friend and know information, however take your cues from the other person. More often than not if someone is disclosing that they’ve had a miscarriage they are looking for comfort and support, not for you to analyze them and find a reason why. When it comes to miscarriage, we often never find a reason why. It takes a lot of trust for people to open up and share something very personal with another person.

4. Trying to be Positive… “Stop wallowing.” “It could be worse.” “Cheer up” “Don’t be sad.” “Just be happy already.” “It’s not that bad.”

When someone is in the stages of grief, especially in shock, anger, and depression it’s extremely difficult to be happy. So many women who have suffered a miscarriage feel like their world just came crashing down. Not only did their baby die, but so did all the dreams they had for that baby. So, it’s okay for them to be sad. It’s okay for them to not be okay for awhile. I understand it’s hard to see someone so incredibly heartbroken, but by telling someone not to be sad, is not helpful and may also hinder their healing process.

5. “I understand, my Grandma died.” 

I know we may mean well by saying we understand because we’ve lost someone too. However, unless you’ve actually experienced pregnancy loss, or the death of a child, we won’t truly understand. When a woman has a miscarriage, she is not only grieving over the baby she lost, but she is also often blaming herself and her body for failing her. It’s a very complex type of grief. It’s also important to keep in mind that every individual’s situation is different. Even if you and someone else you know has had a miscarriage… it is their own individual loss and individual story.

6. Rushing Them to Get Over the Loss… “When can you start trying again?” “When are you going to have more kids?” 

It’s not your place to ask these questions, especially if a miscarriage recently happen. In my personal experience, this is one of the last questions I wanted to be asked. I was grieving for my baby. Allow others to do the same.

7. At least…. “You had a miscarriage… at least you know you can get pregnant.” “At least you only had one miscarriage.” “At least the baby died early so you didn’t have time to bond with them that long.” “At least you weren’t that far along.” “At least it wasn’t a planned pregnancy.” “At least you already have a baby.” “At least it happen quick.” 

This is my personal favorite!… that was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell. After having a miscarriage I could not believe how many people use this phrase to try and cheer people up, and not just with miscarriage but pretty much with any bad and uncomfortable situation. I talked about this phrase with my counselor. She explained to me that even though people have good intentions, they don’t realize how hurtful a phrase starting with the words at least really is. The reason people use it is 1) because it’s commonly used, and 2) because when an individual hears of a sad, terrible, uncomfortable event or situation they too feel uncomfortable. As humans we don’t like feeling uncomfortable, and will often try and not stay in that situation. We often do this by looking at silver-linings and the bright side of things. This seems like a good idea to us, because we are turning a sad conversation into something pleasant and taking the uncomfortableness off of us. Good idea right?… Wrong! By doing this, we are ultimately disregarding someone’s feelings and what they have gone through, and that’s not fair. If they are trusting us to hear something very personal about themselves, then instead of feeling uncomfortable and avoiding it, we should just listen.

8. Reactions and Being Over Emotional

It’s understandable that when hearing of something sad and heartbreaking such as a miscarriage, we might be sad for that person. However, we shouldn’t be overly sad, and dramatic for that person and their situation. What I mean is, if someone tells you they have had a miscarriage, don’t be hysterical and more upset than they are. They are the ones that lost the baby, not you. Don’t make it about you.


Again, I’m not a professional but I am 1 in 4 women who have experienced a miscarriage. I am a woman and angel mommy who was hurt by many of these phrases. This is just my personal advice I’d like to offer to others.

If you like what you have read, then feel free to “Like” or comment on this post, and subscribe to my blog to receive email notifications every time I post! Thanks for reading!

My Summer 2021 Bucket List Review

My Summer 2021 Bucket List in Review!

I know I’m a little late to the game as far as giving you a review of my summer… especially since it is already the end of September. However, I’ve been able to find some time this week to write and reflect on my summer, and how I can best share it with all of you. So, without further or do, here is my Summer 2021 Bucket List in Review!

MY SUMMER BUCKET LIST 

1. Publish my 2nd Children’s Book

My book is written and illustrated. I just need to edit and publish it!

2. Go to the Lake Shore at least once.

I didn’t do that this summer. It’s not that I didn’t have the opportunity, more less it was just too hot.

3. Finish reading the Old Testament

I didn’t quite finish reading the Old Testament but I did read through a lot of books, including:

  • Genesis
  • Exodus
  • Leviticus
  • Numbers
  • Deuteronomy
  • Joshua
  • Judges
  • Ruth
  • 1 Samuel
  • 2 Samuel
  • 1 Kings
  • 2 Kings
  • 1 Chronicles
  • 2 Chronicles
  • Psalms
  • Zechariah
  • Malachi

4. Have a successful Balcony Garden

I kind of failed as a plant mom this year. Things were looking promising in the beginning, but once it hit 90° everyday in August, I kind of gave up. I realized this summer how much I dislike the heat. 🥵

5. Organize my Bedroom

Hey, I actually did start on this goal as well! We started organizing our bedroom by moving the pack n’ play/ bassinet by our bed, moving a bookshelf and going through some storage totes.

6. Buy a new Wardrobe

I have bought a lot of cute maternity items this summer. 🥰

7. Publish my Memoir

This project was put on hold for the summer. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to write about my previous losses while being pregnant with our rainbow baby.

8. Make a Big Announcement

On June 18th we were able to make our big announcement and say…

Guess what? For this baby we have prayed… our rainbow is due in January 2022!

9. Reach 300 Blog Posts

I didn’t quite make it to 300 blog posts, but I came very close with a total of 291.

10. Take lots of Naps

Yes, Yes, and Yes! I found out I was pregnant on the last day of April. This meant that I hit the worst of my morning sickness in the beginning of summer, which in turn allowed me to take lots of naps. 😴


Well there you go, a review of my summer! Can’t wait until next summer! ☀️

21 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

21 weeks, and only 7 weeks until the third trimester! Crazy how this pregnancy is starting to fly by. This week, baby is the size of a endive. I asked a few people what an endive is, and I guess it’s just like a fancy lettuce.

This week’s symptoms include cravings, increased hunger, fatigue, round ligament pain, overall aches and pain, headaches, colostrum and minor sciatica.

This week I have been able to feel baby boy move more and more. His flutters, and taps at 16 weeks have turned into nudges and kicks this week.

Soon I will be doing a quick baby haul and show you a few things I have bought and received for baby boy! 💙

Grief & Mercy: 5th Blog Post Round Up

It’s time for another blog post round up! I am sharing my most recently popular, viewed and liked blog posts. Check it out!

My Goals for 2021

Every year I create a bucket list of things I hope to accomplish in the coming year. So far I have completed at least 2 out of 10 items on my list.

Our Love Story (Part 1)

Within the last few months I have been sharing the love story of my husband and I. So far, I have written Parts 1-5, with Part 6 coming very soon.

Another Negative

This post is one I wrote after about 6 months of trying. I share the discouraging reality of a trying to conceive lifestyle, and how it can be devastating to repeatedly get a negative pregnancy test.

10 Signs You’re a Crazy Cat Parent

Since adopting my kitty Rocky, I didn’t realize how crazy of a cat parent I would become until I reflected back on it in this blog post.

Roasted Chickpeas Recipe

Roasted chickpeas are one of my favorite snacks that are loaded with protein. This is one recipe that I will share again, and again, and again.

Update on my Avocado Trees

Growing avocado trees is something I decided to try this year, and honestly it has been a lot of fun.

When You Least Expect It…

Finding out I was pregnant again after a year of trying was unbelievable. It’s been months since I took the pregnancy test and in someways I’m still in shock.

Pregnant on Mother’s Day

Being pregnant on Mother’s Day was a beautiful blessing. In this post I discuss my emotions and gratitude of this emotional day.

7 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ First Trimester)

Week 7 of my third pregnancy was very memorable. A lot happened in this week that I couldn’t wait to share with all of you.


A Look Ahead!

8 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ First Trimester)

Our Big Announcement!

Checking on my Plants

Reblog: 25 Self Care Activities to try this Summer

I am a huge advocate of self care and taking care YOU and your health. The following is my top 25 self care activities that I highly recommend trying this summer.

25 SELF CARE ACTIVITIES

1. TAKE A BUBBLE BATH

2. READ A FAVORITE BOOK

3. GO TO A FAVORITE RESTAURANT OR TRY A NEW RESTAURANT

4. PLAY A BOARD GAME WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS

5. START A JOURNAL

6. GO TO THE BEACH

7. TRY A NEW RECIPE

8. ORGANIZE SOMETHING IN YOUR HOME

9. GO TO THE MOVIES

10. BINGE WATCH A SHOW ON NETFLIX OR HULU

11. COMPLETE AN EASY DIY PROJECT

12. START A WORKOUT ROUTINE

13. COMMIT TO A DAILY PRAYER OR MEDITATION ROUTINE

14. TRY SOME YOGA

15. GO ON A NATURE WALK

16. GO BROWSE A LOCAL FARMER’S MARKET

17. TAKE A ROAD TRIP

18. GO THRIFT STORE SHOPPING

19. PAY IT FORWARD, BUY SOMEONE ELSE’S MEAL

20. VOLUNTEER AT A LOCAL CHARITY

21. TRY A NEW BEAUTY ROUTINE

22. CREATE AN ART PROJECT

23. GO ON A CAMPING TRIP

24. CREATE A SUMMER PLAYLIST

25. REVAMP YOUR WARDROBE

Preparing to Start a Family… Where I Hope to See Us in a Year

Recently, I was doing some journaling and I thought, why not make a plan of how I hope things are for us this time next year… so I did.


On this Day Monday April 26th, 2021, what our life looks like now:

Married to Charlie for 4 years

Live in a 1 bedroom apartment

Own 2 cars

Been at my job for 1 year

Have had 2 miscarriages

Spent a year of trying to conceive so far.

Have a 13 month kitten named Rocky

Written 1 children’s book

Published 1 children’s book

Written memoir

Not vaccinated with Covid vaccine yet.


How I hope to see our life a year from now…

Married for 5 years

In process of moving to a 2 bedroom apartment

Own one car

Been at my job for 2 years

Have had 2 miscarriages

Spent 16 months trying to conceive then finally got pregnant.

7 months pregnant

Have Rocky and another 10 month old kitten.

Published 2 children’s books

Published memoir

Fully vaccinated

Starting the beginning steps of becoming a foster parent.

To the Grieving Mother on Mother’s Day… This One is for You.

I wrote this post a year ago, and even though some time has passed since I wrote it, I still feel it is even more relevant today. ❤️

It’s Mother’s Day. This is the day we celebrate all the mothers. We celebrate the women In our lives who have raised us, nurtured us and taught us how to be good people in our society. We celebrate the women who showed us unconditional love from the very beginning. This day is meant to be a celebration, but to many… it is a somber holiday.

Being a mother is a very special role. It is one of, if not the hardest jobs there is. That being said not all mothers are the same. When you think of a mother you likely will think of biological moms, step moms, foster moms, moms who have adopted and grandmothers. But what about the other moms in this world? What about the women who hold a mothering role in a child’s life, such as an aunt, cousin, friend, teacher, or mentor. What about the moms who have lost a child, whether it was a pregnancy loss, neonatal loss or loss of a child at an older age?


ALL OF THESE WOMEN ARE JUST AS MUCH MOTHERS, AND HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN OUR SOCIETY AND IN A CHILD’S LIFE. 


And let’s not forget all the women who want to be mothers. These women may struggle with infertility, illness, are choosing not to have children at this time in their life or suffer from recurrent miscarriages. These women are as much mothers to our society and to children in our world, just in a different way. 

This mother’s day is also different as the Covid-19 pandemic has prevented some children from seeing and celebrating their mother’s today. It almost seems as if there is a grief in the air just from the pandemic. I feel that in it self has made this holiday especially somber this year. 

Even though this is a holiday to celebrate all the mothers, it is sometimes a somber holiday for those who have lost a child, who are unable to have children, or who have lost their mothers. If you are reading this, and you have lost your mother, lost a child or are unable to have children, I just want to say… I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry this holiday brings up emotions of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety and dread. I’m sorry for the atmosphere of loneliness you feel on this holiday. I want to remind you though that you are not alone. Yes, your experience is yours, but their are so many of us who too have experienced that loss. 


THERE ARE SO MANY OF US WHO HAVE FELT THE PAIN THAT CAN BE EXPERIENCED IN THIS LIFE, EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. 


So today, not only are we celebrating all the traditional mother’s out there, but we are remembering the mothers who have faced loss and heartache as well. I can tell you first hand, this day is not easy, but when the grief and loneliness become too much, remember to take care of you. Don’t have high expectations on yourself. Give yourself grace and love. Order food in, eat some chocolate, take a bubble bath, binge watch a comedy series, or stay in your PJs. Happy or not this day is about you and the love you’ve shared. 

Today I will be taking it easy and remembering my babies I’ve lost because even though it hurts, they made me a mom. When the grief gets to be too much today, I will remember that I am not any less a mom because my babies are in Heaven. 

I will end with this. It’s Mother’s Day, happy or not this is the day we celebrate and remember all mothers and to all the women who share that role. Thank you for all that you do and love that you’ve shared. I will be thinking of you today.

Be More Like Hannah

For the past couple weeks, I have been reading a devotional focused on Hannah and her journey of infertility and longing to be a mother. I have found that this book, is the kind of book that you read when you need a pick-me-up. This isn’t the kind of book that you read in a couple days, at least for me. It’s a book that you can pick up and put down in order to let the message of the words marinate in your mind and resonate in your soul.

These past few weeks, I have been heavily investing and putting my all into my job as a teacher. It’s in many ways a good distraction of the circumstances I am often dwelling on, but sometimes it still doesn’t satisfy what my heart truly longs for. I spend everyday with children, I teach, care for, and build relationships with children that aren’t mine, but I love and care for as if they were my own.

Everyday is a challenge, as I did not think I would be where I am today. Some days are worse than others. Every holiday, I anticipate another pregnancy announcement and every time I am envious that I am not the one announcing. Every April Fools day, I am infuriated that someone is making a joke out of being pregnant when there are so many women who are struggling to get pregnant. Every family gathering, birthday, holiday or celebration I feel like something is missing. I feel that Charles and I should be bringing along a car load of kids to join in our family memories.

I try to put my all into my writing, my family, and my job but it’s just not enough sometimes. I have this yearning to be a mom that I simply can not fight. Since the young age of two I can remember carrying and loving on baby dolls that my family gifted me. In Young Five’s I can remember playing house with my classmates and I always wanted to be and was the mom. Growing up I always cared for animals such as a stray litter of kittens, baby bunnies born in my backyard and a baby chick all as if they were my baby, Even as a young adult to now, I snuggle and care for babies I know, watch and teach with my whole heart. Being a mom is who I am and who I have always desired to be.

The 2 pregnancies, 2 losses, 1 D & C, a year of trying, grief and trauma… it’s changed me. It’s damaged me. I am recked by anything dealing with death, sick or dying babies, miscarriages, and the harsh reality of grief. I’ve clawed my way back from the dark road of mourning I once faced, but I still sometimes feel broken. My life was altered by loss. The year of 2019 was so significant that when I look back on my life I think of before my first pregnancy and after my second miscarriage. It’s a powerful reminder and something I will never forget. It changed me for the good and the bad.

I share all this, to be real and honest about how I look at my life. I love my life, I do. But I guess don’t feel I am fulfilling the purpose God has for me or feel that my cup is only half full. Maybe that’s not the case. Maybe this is right where I’m supposed to be, but if it were… wouldn’t I feel differently?

When I feel this way, I often think of Hannah. All Hannah wanted was a baby. She was jealous and envious her husband’s other wife was able to have babies, but she was not. Hannah went to the temple and prayed. She was so distraught that the priest thought she was drunk. Hannah was not drunk but so emotional and passionate about her hearts desire. As Hannah prayed she asked God yet again for baby. She promised God that if she was given a child she would dedicate them to Lord. Eventually, Hannah was blessed with a beautiful baby. Of course, I am paraphrasing this story, but if you are interested in reading it, check out the book 1 Samuel.

Through studying Hannah’s story I have learned a few things.

1. Certain things are just out of our control. I can hope, I can pray, and I can fast; but the Lord is going to do what He is going to do.

2. God hears you. It may not seem like it. He may seem milllions of miles away and completely silent but he hears us when we pray and when we come to him with our needs, and our wants. He knows and he wants to help us. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it’s no and sometimes it’s wait.

3. Sometimes it’s not all about me. This was a hard one to swallow. But it’s not. If I had my way I’d have two living children with a third on the way, living in a two story house on Lake Michigan. But it’s not all about me, and I don’t always get my way. When we pray for things and the answer is no or wait, that is really tough. But there is a reason for it. God isn’t saying no just to say no. I believe He puts our best interest at heart. He knows our hearts desires and he knows what’s best for us in each season of life. And as hard as that is, the best thing to do is to trust him.

4. Put your focus on God. Hannah prayed day in and day out for a baby. And yet until she went to the temple, did she change her prayers and change her focus on God and what he has for her verses what she wanted. I can imagine that it took a great amount of humbleness to put God first.


So, to come full circle. I am changed and sometimes feel broken. I don’t feel like I am currently living up to my potential. But yet I know that God has a plan for me. I know that, God is bigger than anything I may face. I know that i want the Lord’s will to be done rather than my own. And I know that God sees me. God knows me and God loves me. So I am going to be more like Hannah. I am going to humble myself, I am going to put my focus on God and what he wants for my life rather than what I want. I am going to try to understand and accept that there are just certain things out of my control. And I am going to keep loving Jesus, doing my best in my job, in my family, and in my life. I am going to be more like Hannah because I am going to keep going even when it gets hard.

Another Update on My Writing Projects

This past week, I was able to enjoy a vacation/staycation that allowed me to rest and refresh, get some home/miscellaneous tasks done as well as focus on my writing. Here is a little update of all my writing projects:

Memoir – I am in process of preparing my book to be sent to editors, and excited to read through and focus on the third and final draft.

Self Care Book for Teachers – I have put this book on hold for the moment as I want to focus on other projects that are almost completed. But I will be starting to work on it again very soon.

My 2nd Children’s Book – I started the illustrations and work on the plot this past week and I am getting very excited about how it is coming together! Above is a sneak peek! I can’t wait to reveal my newest project very soon!

She Believed She Could…

This past year, and actually since starting my blog I have developed various goals for myself that are a mixture of personal and professional goals. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that each year I create goals that I hope to accomplish by New Year’s Eve and a Summer Bucket List of goals I hope to accomplish in the summer. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then head over to my blog post….

My Goals for 2021

One goal I am trying so incredibly hard to accomplish is writing and publishing my memoir. My memoir was an idea that first came to light the day after my second miscarriage, in September of 2019. After suffering my first loss, I felt led to start a blog… this blog in fact :). After my second loss, I realized there was more to my story and my grief that needed to be done. I realized that I have a gift of writing and since suffering two losses, though it was devastating… my circumstances had then given me the chance to expand my story and share with others my story, in order to help women like me. My circumstances, my grief and my passion is what drove me to write my book.

I have officially written the first draft of my book and currently working on the second. It’s small, raw, detailed, sad, but powerful… and I’m very proud of it.

I will be keeping you all updated as I continue to make the final touches to my book and begin the self publishing process!

Our Love Story (Part 4)

On Monday November 3rd, I was a mixture of anxious and excited to see Charles. Everything in me had hopes that Charles was feeling the same way I was, and wanted to start a romantic relationship. But there was still a small part of me that feared that he just wanted to be friends.

After my first class Monday morning, I met up with Charles in the main hallway of our community college. Seeing Charles with a huge smile on his face gave me immense butterflies. I was falling in love with him minute by minute.

We sat down in the student center and discussed everything that we had already talked about over the weekend. We talked about any previous relationships we had had, what we wanted out of a romantic relationship and our intentions. We discussed boundaries, values, expectations a potential timeline and anything and everything in between. We then decided to take a day to think about everything we discussed as well as pray about it, before moving forward and officially start dating.


On Tuesday November 4th, Charles and I met in the cafe of our community college before Spanish class. Charles asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we officially entered into a courtship (dating with the intention of marriage). We decided we did not want to rush things. We didn’t want to immediately say I Love You, hold hands or be too close. We also wanted to save our first kiss for if and when we got married. Together we decided we wanted to use this time to get to know each other, grow closer to God and be the best people we could be in school, in our families and in our relationship.

After we made it official, we gave each other a hug, took a selfie, bought two frappes and walked to Spanish completely head over heels.


About two weeks later, Charles invited me to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. Even though it was casual, I was very nervous for this family gathering. I decided to bring a plate of brownies to the meal, in hopes that it would help to make a good first impression to his family.

Charles was living at his Pastor’s house at the time we started dating. When I arrived and met his pastor, I instantly felt welcomed and at home. Throughout the day I was also able to meet his nieces and nephews as well as his sister and other close family friends.

At this family gathering, I was able to get a little taste of an old fashioned southern Thanksgiving. The food was amazing. There was fried chicken, turkey, ham, cabbage, black eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, corn, and mashed potatoes. It was amazing. The best part of the day was his nieces and nephews. My brownies were a huge hit with his family and even one of his nephews said they were “divine”

Celebrating our first holiday together was a lot of fun, and definitely one for the books.