Starting a Diet: Adjusting to Intermittent Fasting

Physical Health

If ya’ll don’t already know… I hate diets. I always try too hard and go too extreme on myself. I try to quit things cold turkey and end up failing almost every diet I’ve tried. However, this summer I have really been trying to work on myself and improve my health. So on June 1st, I started my intermittent fasting diet.

I heard about this diet from my friend Alli. She said that it had been working for her so I thought I’d give it a try. There are many different variations to this diet, so honestly I may not be doing it right, but that’s okay. However, with so many other things, you have to adjust them to fit each person individually. So just cause one variation of the intermittent diet works for me, that doesn’t mean it will work for someone else.

For this diet I have chosen to eat between the hours of 10am – 7pm. I have chosen to do this for 6 days a week. When I first started, it was hard. I was so hungry. I would find myself thinking about food when I went to bed and be starving waiting until 10am to come around. After about a week I got use to it. In fact I started I to notice a difference. I wouldn’t say I lost any weight right away. However, I no longer ate late night snacks and therefore no longer woke up feeling bloated and gross in the mornings.

I have decided to continue this diet and see how it goes. 🙂

The Decision to Try Again

Life After Miscarriage

Sometime in May, after my breakthrough in counseling and our Mother’s Day Getaway… Charles and I continued considering the idea of trying again. If someone had told us that we would desire to have another baby a few months ago, after we had just lost our baby… I wouldn’t have believed it. But it’s true. Charles and I are both in this peaceful place and desire to be parents someday soon.

Throughout our many discussions on this topic, I have disclosed with my husband my fears and anxieties of trying again. It’s scary. It’s a risk. There are so many things that could happen. We could have trouble getting pregnant. We could have another miscarriage. We could have a stillbirth. We could have a difficult pregnancy, or delivery. Or… we could have a healthy normal pregnancy and delivery. It takes so much energy to worry about what could happen. I’m quickly realizing, that this is no way to live.

This summer before we start trying, I have set a few goals for myself; including eating healthier, losing weight, saving money, finding activities I enjoy, starting my personal small business, and just taking care of me. I have been on this journey of self discovery and healing for a little while now. It has honestly been one of the best summers of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I grieve and miss my baby every single day, but I have grown from what I’ve lost. It’s truly amazing.

So, yes someday soon Charles and I are going to try again. I don’t know when. I don’t know how long or if we’ll even be able to get pregnant. If we do get pregnant, I haven’t even considered how soon we will want to share our news. All I know is this… I am not in control of everything. I can and will do my best to take care of myself, but ultimately the future is in the Lord’s hands. I have faith and through this journey, that’s what I choose to hold on to.

My Top 10 Favorite Spots to Eat

Self Care, Top 10 Lists

As part of my journey of healing and self care, I thought I would take a moment and share my personal favorite restaurants and favorite meals to eat.

1. Red Lobster

– Shrimp Trio: Shrimp Scampi, Butterfly Shrimp, Shrimp Linguine, Rice and French Fries with Garlic Biscuits and Lobster Pizza as an Appetizer.

2. Olive Garden

– Soup, Salad and Bread Sticks: I’m always trying something new.

3. Buffalo Wild Wings

– Small order of Traditional Wings: Caribbean Jerk, Chipotle, Lemon Pepper, Fries

4. Subway

– Footlong, BMT on White Bread, Pepper Jack Cheese, Toasted, Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles, Olives, Onion, Jalapeños and Mayo.

5. Hibachi Buffet

– Pork Egg Roll, Crab Rangoon’s, Stuffed Mushrooms, Vegetable Sushi, Fried Chicken, Orange Chicken, Salad. Coconut Shrimp.

6. Blaze Pizza

– Garlic Marinara Sauce, Feta Cheese, Goat Cheese, Bacon, Artichokes, Black Olives, Onions, Mushrooms and Oregano.

7. Campus Wok

– Orange Chicken Combination Plate with Hot and Sour Soup

8. Biggby Coffee

– Frozen Teddy Bear Latte’

9. Qudoba

– Pick 3 Triple Threat Tacos with a side of Chips and Queso

10. A Taste of India

– Spicy Goat Curry

Mother’s Day Part 2: My Celebration of Mother’s Day as an Angel Mommy

Life After Miscarriage

On the morning of Sunday May 12th, 2019; I was greeted with a variety of different emotions. It was Mother’s Day. It was the first Mother’s Day that I felt different. Every other Mother’s Day in the past I celebrated my mother, grandma and other motherly figures in my life. However this year, when that pregnancy test turned positive, I immediately had dreams of spending my first Mother’s Day pregnant, and my second with my beautiful baby. Everything in me wished things were different, and I was still pregnant. But sadly that wasn’t the case.

I spent the morning watching the sunrise and writing a blog post. When my husband woke up he wished me a happy Mother’s Day. We got dressed and headed down to the continental breakfast that was being served downstairs. As we ate breakfast I messaged and wish all the moms I knew a happy Mother’s Day. I also received some very heart felt messages from my mom, friends and other family members.

That afternoon Charles and I headed back down to the beach. As a part of my mission to advocate for Angel Mommies, I decided to join in the Blue Mother’s Day Campaign. This is a campaign that brings awareness to all kinds of moms, whether their babies are here on earth or in Heaven. To show support this Mother’s Day I drew a blue heart on my hand in memory of my baby girl Mackenzie.

Mother’s Day Part 1: A Romantic Weekend Getaway on My First Mother’s Day as an Angel Mommy

Life After Miscarriage

During one of my counseling sessions in April, I discussed with my counselor how I was dreading Mother’s Day. Even though my baby would not have been born during this Mother’s Day, just the thought of seeing kids celebrating their moms would be triggering for me. My counselor suggested that I make plans for the day and how I wanted to celebrate.

I talked it over with my husband and we decided to take an over night getaway to Silver Beach, St. Joe. All week long as we prepared for the trip, I obsessively watched the weather. It wasn’t until Thursday that it said it was going to rain all weekend. Bummer. Never the less we still went.

On the drive there we picked up some coffees from Biggby and enjoyed the ride. We had a really nice conversation about work, school, our future together and everything in between. This trip was relaxing and well needed. When we arrived at our hotel, we checked in and went to our room. It was gorgeous. We were on the 6th floor with a beautiful view of the city and Lake Michigan. We spent that afternoon doing some shopping and heading to dinner at a local brewery. We enjoyed some delicious burgers and fries, and continued talking about our future as husband and wife and as parents.

I brought up the topic of kids and when we wanted to try again and start a family. As much as both our desires are strong and we want kids, we both knew we still had some healing to do. I really wanted to work on myself this summer by physically losing weight and being healthier. I also wanted to be emotionally and mentally in a better space. Lastly, I still needed to find some spiritual healing and make peace with God as I was still quite angry with him. Charles wanted to work on himself as well by getting a better job, saving more money, eating healthier and just continuing to grow in our marriage.

After dinner we went back to the hotel and went swimming in the pool and hot tub. There weren’t a lot of people and it was very relaxing. After swimming we rested in our hotel room for a little bit. As the sun started to set we headed down to the beach. It was very chilly but comforting. As one way to remember my baby that Mother’s Day weekend, I wrote her name in the sand. I knew she was in Heaven and I had faith that she could see it from where she was. 🧡

Breakfast with a Good Friend

Life After Miscarriage

On an early morning in May, my friend Hannah and I met at Bob Evans to talk and enjoy a nice breakfast. I’ve known Hannah for a few years. We’ve worked together and she even attended my wedding. I hadn’t seen her in a few years as she got a new job, and I moved and went back to school. Despite that, social media has helped us keep in touch. Hannah saw when I posted about my miscarriage, and a few weeks later she private messaged me and told me she too had recently had a miscarriage.

During breakfast we discussed the loss of our babies, the grief we were feeling and how we can heal and move forward. It was so nice to be able to talk with someone who understood and knew exactly what I was going through. Hannah too experienced the pain of miscarriage, and even though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I found it comforting connecting and finding fellowship in others who have experienced this loss too.

About a week later, I received a book in the mail. I was really confused as I hadn’t ordered anything recently. I opened up the package and it was a daily devotional from Hannah. She had a note that said thank you for being an inspiration to her. I felt so loved and honored. I never would have thought that sharing my story would have impacted people in such a positive way, but I am truly thankful it has.

My Self Care Plan… and How to Create Your Own Self Care Plan.

Just Me Blogging, Resources

As an aspiring Family Life Educator, I have been educated on and practically had the importance of self care drilled into my head. Self care is basically what an individual chooses to do in order to take care of themselves. Self care is extremely important for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health as well as every aspect of our lives. It is also very important and highly encouraged in order to avoid burn out and compassion fatigue.

Below is my own personal self care plan.

My Self Care Plan

Physical Health

– Drinking plenty of water, 4 – 8 glasses a day.

– Eating Healthy, incorporating fruits and veggies into my diet.

– Exercise, Walking, Yoga, and Stretching

Emotional Health

– Writing in my journal or blog.

– Spending time with friends and family

– Listening to music

– Binge watching Netflix

Mental Health

– Organizing my planner

– Going to Counseling

– Enjoying quiet moments

– Knitting and Crocheting

– Enjoying a Fresh cup of coffee

Social Life

– Attending Hockey Games

– Going on Dates with my husband

– Meeting up with old friends

Spiritual Life

– Reading my bible

– Praying

– Going to church

– Enjoying fellowship with other believers.


Now it’s your turn! What’s your self care plan? What are some activities you do in order to relax and recharge? Whether you are a new mom, an author, retired, a work-a-holic or anything in between, I can guarantee we all can benefit from self care. With that being said…..

What kind of activities do you do in order to help your physical health?

What kind of activities do you do in order to help your emotional health?

What kind of activities do you do in order to help your mental health?

What kind of activities do you do in order to help your social life?

What kind of activities do you do in order to help your spiritual life?

I challenge YOU to write out your own self care plan. Once it is complete put it in a place where you see it and can be reminded daily to take care of YOU. If you need ideas of various self care activities, feel free to check out my previous post on 25 Self Care Ideas to Try This Summer.

I would love to hear from YOU! Feel free to comment or message me your self care ideas and activities you do in order to take care of YOU!

Grief & Mercy Blog Q & A: I am answering all your questions about miscarriage, grief, healing, recovery and my personal experience

Life After Miscarriage

Back in June I asked the question on my Instagram stories “What questions do you have for me?” The following is a list of questions that were sent to me from my followers.

1. How do you deal with friends after a loss?

This seems like a very broad question, but I will try and answer it as best I can. I had many friends after my loss show compassion, while I had others who lacked empathy. I think the best advice I can give you is just to be honest with your friends after a loss… as hard as that might be. Be honest about how you’re feeling and doing. Don’t sugar coat it and say “I’m fine.” When in reality you’re not.

Secondly, I would also suggest being honest about telling them what you need. If you need company, invite them over. If you need to be left alone, tell them and be willing to set that boundary. I guess the biggest thing I am trying to say, is just be honest. I really struggled with being honest and open with my friends and family after my miscarriage. I didn’t want to tell people what I needed because I was stubborn and didn’t want to ask for help. Eventually, I swallowed my pride and started being honest and asking for help. Once I did this, it allowed many lines of communication to open which helped me and my different relationships entirely.

2. What were some thing’s that people said to you that were helpful after your miscarriage?

After my miscarriage, I dealt with a lot of people who either didn’t know what to say, or said the wrong thing. However, there were a few people who said things that were truly helpful and sincere during my grief. I am currently writing a whole post covering this question. However, I will share with you now a few things that were helpful after my miscarriage.

I really appreciated it when people said things like…..

I’m sorry for your loss.

My heart breaks for you.

I’m here for you if you need anything.

I’m praying for you.

It’s okay to be sad. You grieve the way you need to grieve.

3. Any Advice for first day back at work after 20 week miscarriage?

For the person who sent me this question, I first just want to say I am very sorry for your loss. I also want to say thank you for reaching out to me. I guess the best advice I could give to you or anyone is to be gentle on yourself. It can be extremely challenging returning to work and everyday life following a miscarriage or any sort of trauma. I would encourage you to ease into this transition back to normal slowly. I would also like to encourage you to be kind to yourself. Reward yourself for little victories.

4. Do you find it difficult when other women around you are pregnant?

Yes! It is extremely difficult. Parts of me wishes so much that I was still pregnant, while other parts of me worries and has anxiety for women I know who are pregnant. I hope and pray all the time that they don’t experience the loss that I had.

5. What healing looked like, what you learned, how you can use your experience to help others?

Healing I feel is a life long process. It is enveloped in the grief process, and is felt and experienced in many moments throughout a life time. It changes you. The biggest thing about healing, is allowing yourself to feel the grief. Allowing this anguish allows us as humans to move forward in life. You gotta feel it. You gotta face it, or you won’t move forward. I found healing in various activities including writing, knitting, spending time with friends and family, taking pictures and so much more. It’s a never ending journey.

6. How did you get back to feeling like yourself again?

This is kind of a complex question, but I think the simplest answer is I got back to feeling like myself again by choosing to move forward and choosing to heal. I chose to talk about my miscarriage. I allowed myself to cry. I encouraged myself to write my story.

7. Do you regret telling people you were pregnant before you Miscarried?

Not really. This thought crossed my mind after we lost the baby, but I’m thankful people knew I was pregnant and then lost my baby. I’m thankful I had people around me for love and support.

8. Why are you so amazing?

Okay, so my bestie sent me this question. Haha! Thanks girl! I don’t know if I am that amazing so I wouldn’t even know how to answer that question.

Thanks for all the questions! Again I’m no expert, but I’m here to help and here to listen. ❤️

I Am

Poems

The following is a healing art activity I did in my internship. This exercise was not only therapeutic but also enjoyable. This poem has a more lighter tone to it, and I found it quite whimsical to write. I hope you enjoy! ❤️

I Am

I am KIND and GENTLE

I wonder about my FUTURE

I hear the BIRDS singing

I see a beautiful SUNSET

I want a RAINBOW baby

I AM kind and gentle

I pretend I am a PRINCESS

I feel my GUARDIAN angel’s wings

I touch the TREE of life

I worry about having another MISCARRIAGE

I cry for my BABY

I am kind and GENTLE

I understand the meaning of LOVE

I say CHILDREN are our future

I dream about being a MOMMY

I try to be the BEST I can be

I hope to be a successful WRITER

I am KIND and gentle

Grief & Mercy Blog Post Round Up: A List of My Top Viewed, Liked and Commented Blog Posts

Just Me Blogging

This is my very first Blog Post Round Up! I’m excited! I have compiled a list of the most liked, most viewed, most commented and overall most popular and favorite blog posts I have written so far. Writing in general is hugely therapeutic to me. However, writing my blog, and reflecting on my story has truly changed me for the better. So join me. Sit back and relax as I reflect on my most popular blog posts.

1. The Worst Day of My Life

This blog post was one of the hardest ones I have ever had to write. In fact I think it took me about three days to finish because it was just emotionally draining to reflect on. However, I’m glad I did it. I tried my best not to leave out any details because I truly wanted each one of you reading this to understand and feel what I was feeling that day. If you haven’t read this post yet, go check it out. I will warn you it is very raw as this post talks about my final ultrasound when I discovered I had had a missed miscarriage.

2. Finding Out I Was Pregnant

This Post was the second one I ever published. I enjoyed writing this post as it reminded me of the joy and good feelings I had when I found out I was pregnant. I also enjoy looking back at how I found I was pregnant. If you haven’t read this post yet, I encourage you too. 🙂

3. Seeing The Rainbow

This post is actually one of my personal favorites. I now have come to love rainbows and beg my husband to come with me after a thunderstorm to see if we can find any in the sky. The fact that I saw this particular rainbow exactly 2 weeks after my surgery, still blows me a way. I was having a hard time and it appeared in the sky just when I needed it… as if it’s a sign from Heaven above.

4. The First Time I Saw You

Seeing my baby at my 8 week ultrasound appointment was one of the happiest moments of my life. The minute I saw the image of a little blob and heartbeat on the screen, I was in love. So tiny. So innocent. It hurt as I wrote this post because I remembered all the joy I had when I saw her, and just over a week later she was gone. However, I feel very blessed to be able to have seen her and her beating heart.

5. The Hurtful Things People Say… and What NOT To Say After A Woman Has A Miscarriage

After publishing this post, I actually had quite a response from many different people. In fact I had a few requests that I write an additional post on the things people should say to a woman after having a miscarriage. I found this to be a great idea. It is very important that we as people know what not to do but also ideas on what we can do to help an angel mommy in her grief. The additional post on what to do to help a woman after miscarriage will be coming soon.

6. The People Who Reached Out To Me

Writing this post was humbling. I was able to reflect back and think about all the people who helped, prayed and supported me and my husband through this time of loss. Even though I wasn’t able to remember everyone, you know who you are and I am truly eternally grateful.

7. Leap of Faith

This was my very first blog post. This was the moment I became a writer. This is when I allowed myself to be vulnerable and created my online identity as a writer, an angel mommy and a miscarriage and infant loss advocate. This is how it all got started.

8. The Decision to Share My Story

This blog post was also a very hard one to write. I think it’s mostly because I remember the thoughts and feelings of wanting to share my story. I remember feeling so engulfed in my grief and trauma that it still feels like it was yesterday. None the less, I am so thankful I shared my story as it has helped other women not feel so alone and has helped me to heal.

9. The Birthstone Ring

This post is another one of my favorites. Not only do I talk about one of the many hurtful things that was said to me after I miscarried my baby, but it also reminds me of my husband and how truly amazing he is. The days after my miscarriage he was walking on egg shells not sure what to do. I was horrible to him, and yet he never left my side. He did his best to understand me through this loss. I love him so much.

10. Saying Goodbye…

Writing this post I felt very raw and emotional. I discussed my thoughts and feelings on the day I had my D & C. When trying to find an image for this post I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find one. However, when I looked through my phone I stumbled upon this one. I don’t have any memory of taking this picture, and I don’t even know if I’m the one who took it. I don’t know why this picture was taken, but I’m glad it was.

11. 10 Weeks Pregnant… A Fourth of the Way There

This post I didn’t expect to be very popular… but it was. I think many readers enjoyed this post because it mostly talked about the ups and downs of pregnancy. I’m sure so many women can relate. This post made me really miss being pregnant. As much as I complained when I was pregnant, I would give anything to go back.

12. Starting My Blog

The idea to start a blog, actually came from my counselor. At first I wasn’t totally sold on the idea but I thought I’d give it a try. I honestly didn’t think anyone would even read it. Miscarriage is such a sad topic, so I didn’t think anyone would be interested. However, after having a huge turn out, this motivated me to continue blogging and talking about my life as well as a very difficult topic.

13. The Hours Leading Up To My Procedure

This post also got a lot of views and is one of my personal favorites. In this post I discuss the last few hours of being pregnant and saying goodbye to my baby. It was hard. It was painful. But it was what I needed to do. This post also shows the very last pregnancy bump picture I took.

14. A Calling to Advocate

This post is the reason I started blogging, to advocate and bring awareness of miscarriage and infant loss. When I realized my calling of being an advocate, I felt like I got hit by a truck. I realized this is what I am meant to do for the rest of my life. Even though I’m just getting started, I am already enjoying the journey.


Well there you have it. My first blog post round up is complete. Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and following along on my journey of healing, growth and advocacy. Before finishing this post I just want to give you all a sneak peek on some posts ahead.

Looking Ahead…..

Breakthrough in Counseling & Finding Acceptance

Scripture I Found Helpful After My Miscarriage

Loved Baby Devotional Book Review

Thanks For Reading!!! ❤️💻☀️

Starting My Blog

Just Me Blogging, Life After Miscarriage

As I went through grief counseling in April, I reached a lot of milestones. At this point I had gone through every stage of grief at least once, except for acceptance. I was starting to become more stable with my emotions, and ultimately I felt good as I made steps in the right direction. During one counseling session, I discussed how I wanted to share my story in detail. I didn’t know how to do it, but I knew I had a lot to say. My counselor suggested starting a blog.

I considered this idea for a little while. It was one of those ideas I couldn’t let go. I lost sleep over it as I contemplated this as the answer I had been looking for. Is this what I’m meant to do? Am I meant to be an advocate through blogging? This thought consumed me. I wrote a timeline of different event topics from the time I got pregnant until now. As I looked at my very long list of topics, I realized this was my next step.

I started my blog with my first blog post Leap of Faith. I decided that would be a good title for my first post as this was a leap of faith. Creating a blog and talking about how I have gone through a pregnancy, miscarriage and healing was not only risky but also vulnerable. I had no idea who would read it, what people would think or how I would be perceived as a person. Even though all these thoughts and fears came to mind, I still wanted to do it. I wanted to share my story. I wanted to give resources and support to those who have experienced the same form of loss. I wanted to write and share my story… and so I did,

“And what, you ask does writing teach us? First and foremost, it reminds us that we are alive, and that it is a gift and privilege, not a right.” – Ray Bradbury

25 Self Care Activities to Try this Summer ☀️

Miscarriage

I am a huge advocate of self care and taking care YOU and your health. The following is my top 25 self care activities that I highly recommend trying this summer.

25 Self Care Activities

1. Take a Bubble Bath

2. Read a Favorite Book

3. Go to a Favorite Restaurant or Try a New Restaurant

4. Play a Board Game with a Group of Friends

5. Start a Journal

6. Go to the Beach

7. Try a New Recipe

8. Organize Something in Your Home

9. Go to the Movies

10. Binge Watch a Show on Netflix or Hulu

11. Complete an Easy DIY Project

12. Start a Workout Routine

13. Commit to a Daily Prayer or Meditation Routine

14. Try Some Yoga

15. Go on a Nature Walk

16. Go Browse a Local Farmer’s Market

17. Take a Road Trip

18. Go Thrift Store Shopping

19. Pay it Forward, Buy Someone Else’s Meal

20. Volunteer at a Local Charity

21. Try a New Beauty Routine

22. Create an Art Project

23. Go on a Camping Trip

24. Create a Summer Playlist

25. Revamp Your Wardrobe

My Summer 2019 Bucket List Check In

Just Me Blogging, Life After Miscarriage

Here’s a quick update of my summer bucket list and what I have accomplished thus far.

My Summer Bucket List

  1. ✅ Take a weekend getaway with my husband
  2. Visit Lake Michigan 3 times 2/3 so far….
  3. ✅ Go garage sailing
  4. Visit 10 different cafés 5/10 so far….
  5. ✅ Write up to 50 posts on my blog
  6. Go to Disneyland
  7. ✅ See Aladdin in theaters
  8. Commit to a weekly workout routine
  9. Reorganize and decorate my apartment
  10. ✅ Complete my internship
  11. ✅ See Toy Story 4 in theaters
  12. ✅ Visit with old friends
  13. Read 2 new books 1/2
  14. Go kayaking
  15. ✅ See A Dog’s Journey in theaters
  16. ✅ Start Eating Healthier
  17. Lose 15lbs 4/15 so far….

My Grief & Mourning Playlist 🎧

Life After Miscarriage

There were many hours after my miscarriage I tuned out the world with music. I recall laying in bed sometimes sobbing, sometimes quiet and sometimes praying as I listened to the sweet songs that reflected my emotions. My husband found these songs super depressing, but they helped me. They helped me cope and get through the everyday moments. The following is my personal playlist I listened to after my miscarriage.

1. Small Bump – Ed Sheehan

2. See You Again – Carrie Underwood

3. Tell Me You Love Me – Demi Lovato

4. If I Lay Here – Burning Orchard

5. Someone’s Watching Over Me – Hilary Duff

6. Blessings – Laura Story

7. Need You Now – Plumb

8. Keep Making Me – Sidewalk Prophets

9. By Your Side – Tenth Avenue North

10. Calling All Angels – Train

11. Hold You Up – Shane Harper

12. Cry Pretty – Carrie Underwood

13. Broken – Lifehouse

14. Gone Too Soon – Daughtry

15. In the Arms of an Angel – Katelyn Malloy

16. Here Comes Goodbye – Rascal Flatts

17. Heaven – Jamie Grace

18. She Waits – Gray Havens

The People Who Reached Out to Me

Life After Miscarriage

The days, weeks and even months after we lost our baby; I had many people reach out to us and show us support. The topic of miscarriage is such a taboo topic. People don’t know how to talk about it. People don’t know how to handle it. It’s sad, especially since it’s so common. I believe one reason people don’t know how to deal with it, is because it boils down to beliefs and when we as people believe when life begins. Now, I’m not about to turn this post into a discussion of abortion… or at least that’s not my intention. But I do want to point out that since some people believe life begins at conception, while others believe life begins when a heart starts beating, and still others believe life begins once a baby is born; then that may be why people don’t know how to handle the topic of miscarriage. They don’t believe miscarriage is a big deal because they don’t believe a woman has lost a baby. They believe a woman has lost a ball of cells or tissue that was turning into a baby. Coming from someone who has had a miscarriage, that makes me feel like my experience, my loss and trauma was insignificant, and that’s not fair. Now, this is just my opinion and coming from my perspective but I believe life begins at conception. Whether I lost my baby at 8 weeks or 8 months… it still hurts. It’s still a loss. I will forever grieve that loss.


Despite the fact that miscarriage has a stigma and is such a taboo topic, I was definitely greeted by many woman who gave both me and my husband love and support through one of the most challenging times in our lives. My friend Alli was a major support for me. She came to the hospital when I had my D & C, she messaged me and checked on me everyday for weeks just to make sure I was still breathing and getting through each day. She would come over at a moments notice or take me out when I just needed to get out of the house. She would listen to me vent, give me advice and just find ways to make me smile even when I didn’t think I would be able to smile again. I have been friends with Alli for over ten years and I am eternally grateful for her friendship and all she’s done for me in my life.

My friend Christa was very kind as well. She would send me funny videos of her lip syncing songs and just goofing around with Snapchat filters… anything to make me laugh. She also sent me encouraging videos, telling me it was okay to be sad and it was okay to grieve any way I needed to. I talked to her on the phone a few days after my surgery and it was so comforting to talk with someone who just listened. She is a great listener.

My friend Reaghan was also a really good listener and empathetic. I tell Reaghan all the time she should be a counselor. She literally has a good sense of when to speak up and when to be silent and just listen. There were days I needed that. There were days I would go through every emotion of sadness, anger, depression, joy and everything in between. Reaghan would never interrupt me through my cyclone of emotions. She would sit and listen but also jump in and remind me that this miscarriage was not my fault. I’m so grateful for her.

My friend Andrea was also very helpful. When I told her the news about my baby, she was devastated. With her being a new mom herself, she couldn’t imagine the pain I was going through, and was also heartbroken for me. When talking to Andrea, I knew I could be brutally honest with her. I told her I didn’t want to feel this pain anymore. I told her I wanted to die. She was very supportive and encouraging, even though I wasn’t very accepting of her encouragement at the time. She said she would walk through this journey with me, and she sure has. She also reminded me it’s okay to be angry at God. We can be angry and we can be confused of His reasons why. It’s okay. I’m very thankful for her and her encouragement.

My mom… she has been my biggest support from my pregnancy all the way until now as I write this. After losing a child herself, she knew all too well the pain and loss I would go through when we found out my baby had died. Even though she didn’t have a miscarriage, and my brother died as an infant, she understood the loss of a baby, loss of control, and the loss of the dreams when losing a little life. She has understood and helped me navigate through every phase of the grief process. When I was little, I remember asking her “What if I lose a baby too?” It was a question I was scared to ask, but couldn’t help that it crossed my mind. My mom said “Well, I guess it just means we were both meant to go through it.” This answer scared me, and I hoped and prayed I never would have to go through it… but unfortunately I did. It sucks. Death is awful and apart of life. Grief takes a lot out of us. Trauma makes us remember we are not in control. So, through this experience even though it sucks, my mom and I have been able to bond and grow closer than we ever have. I thank God for her every single day.

My friend Jeanie also helped me navigate the grief process. She recently lost her uncle and knew all too well how grief can feel never ending and hit you when you least expect it. There were many times I would become triggered or simply fall apart, and she was almost always right there to hold me and tell me to feel what ever I was feeling. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone and she made it safe for me to let out my emotions. I’m thankful for her.

My internship coordinator Danielle was also very supportive to me. She believes self care is super important, and helped me not to feel guilty when I needed to take care of myself after my loss. She has been so incredibly understanding through everything. She has helped me through triggers and panic attacks. She reminded me the importance of being gentle and taking care of myself. She encouraged me on every little accomplishment I’ve made and helped me reach my goals. Lastly she has encouraged and educated me on how to be an advocate for miscarriage and infant loss. She has helped me reach my dreams.

All of my professors this past spring semester were also helpful and understanding through my loss and miscarriage. Without me even asking, they offered me incompletes, extensions on assignments and everything I needed to succeed this past semester. It was hard at times to be open with both of them about what I was going through, but because I left that line of communication open, they were willing and able to work with me and help me succeed.

My friends Maryanne and Ally offered me many prayers through my grief along with so many others. I didn’t truly realize how strong the power of prayer can be, until my husband and I experienced this loss. I didn’t understand how a loss can bring people together and encourage people to support each other. I am so thankful to everyone who sent good thoughts and prayers to me and my husband.


Another thing that surprised me when I decided to share my story, is how many people came forward and told me they too had had a miscarriage. They too understood the pain and loss that I was experiencing. They too knew just what to say in order to help me in this difficult season in my life. I had one friend who messaged me and told me she thought I was very brave for sharing my story. She said she herself her suffered a miscarriage with her first pregnancy and suffered in silence. She now has her beautiful rainbow baby. She has been such an inspiration to me. I had another friend reach out to me and send me bible verses, gospel songs and words of encouragement as she too experienced a miscarriage a few months prior. I had another women private message me and tell me they had had miscarriages many years ago, and now they have other living children of whom are healthy and doing well. But they all told me they never forget the babies they lost and how they can’t help but wonder who those children would be if they weren’t called home so soon. I also had another woman message me who has suffered many miscarriages, and now has two children whom she has adopted.

All these women who reached out to me, have truly inspired me and helped me as I grieve and heal after my miscarriage. I never in a million years thought I would become a part of this club that has babies in Heaven. It’s not a club you ever wish to be a part of. But there’s something about all these women, as well as myself that we all have in common. I firmly believe we have an angel in Heaven watching over us. Through the loss of losing our babies, we look at life differently. We learn to appreciate the little moments, and even find some strength in our short comings. I personally, also have found comfort in God, and how yes He called my baby home and it hurts, but I find comfort in knowing she never felt pain. She is in a beautiful place where she is living her best life and watching over me.

“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child who never comes.” – David Platt