I hope you all have enjoyed my variety of recipes I have been sharing the past few weeks. With the holidays quickly approaching, I thought what better time than now to share some homemade favorites!
The past few months have felt a little stagnant, but also a little transitional. We have been venturing out to church more and more which has been so refreshing for the heart and the spirit. Matthew seems to enjoy church. He gets a little shy with strange danger when we first arrive, but once he hears the congregation singing, he starts singing along too. He’s very into making the ooo sound during the song All in All.
Speaking of Matthew, this kid is keeping us busy, busy, busy! He started walking right after turning 9 months. He is into everything and thinks he can push and or fit his way through any small opening. He is determined! This stage right now is such at an exhausting stage, but also a very fun one š
My husband and I have started the buying a house process. We have applied for pre-approval and have started touring houses. Iām so excited! I love living with family, but Iām excited to have space again. Iām excited to decorate and run my own household and be a stay-at-home mom in my own home!
Charles and I have a few ideas of what we want in a home including:
Land (preferably at least an acre)
Live in a township that allows chickens and maybe even a goat! I want to get my own eggs and my own goat milk.
2-to-3-bedroom home. We need at least a 2 bedroom home for Matthew, but if we can swing it, I wouldnāt mind a 3 bedroom.
1-2 bathroom. Iād love to have at least a bath and a half but only if we can swing it.
Ideal location. We want to live somewhere thatās a good way for Charles to commute to work but not too far from family.
Distant neighbors. Weād prefer to not be too close to neighbors and would like more of a country feel.
Farm house, Traditonal or Ranch is the style home we are looking for.
Ground floor laundry room would be nice.
Garage, doesn’t have to be attached but nice to store our car through the rain and the snow.
Basement would be nice in case of bad weather and for storage.
Dining room thats either seperate from the kitchen, or a large enough kitchen that can have a dining room table.
I’m looking into ways I can earn an income from home through my writing. I’m bouncing around a few ideas such as audio books, Kindle eBooks and even submitting my work to magazines and newspapers. Things are still in the air at the moment, but I will keep you posted on what may lay ahead.
Goodbye First Trimester and Hello Second Trimester! Officially 14 weeks! Baby is the size of a peach! š I could just scream with joy! I canāt believe it! š
This weekās symptoms include round ligament pain, fatigue, cravings, shiny thick hair, shiny skin, increased appetite, sciatica, bloating and a little bump. š„°
I had a recent appointment at 13 weeks and 6 days. Babyās heart rate is 155! Our next appointment is not until August 4th, for another check in with the midwife, and our anatomy scan on August 19th!!!
Since it is officially the second trimester, I guess Iāll start doing some planning. In the next few weeks I hope toā¦
Finish my Registry
Sign up for a Birthing Class
Research what big things I want for baby (Car Seat, Stroller, Crib, Pack and Play, High Chair)
Completely switch my closet over to Maternity clothes
Start cleaning and organizing the apartment.
14 Weeks! Letās have a great second trimester!!!! šššš¼š„°
Is that a baby bump? Officially 15 weeks pregnant! Baby is the size of a orange!
This weeks symptoms include sciatica, heartburn, fatigue, moodiness, increased appetite, and round ligament pain.
Iām hoping to feel baby kick soon, but at my last ultrasound I was told I have an anterior placenta. So, it might be awhile. In just over a month we find out if we are having a boy or girl!
Charles and I have started discussing namesā¦ finally. Thereās a few that we both like but nothing is picked out just yet. For now babyās nicknames are Baby, Bug, and Mochachino.
This weekās craving include lemons and pickles. In fact Iām having dreams about them until Iām actually able to wake up and eat them. Oh and one more exciting thing that happened this weekā¦ I can finally drink coffee!
16 Weeks Pregnant! Baby is the size of an avocado. š„
This week I am feeling great! My skin, hair and nails have never been better!
Iām still really tired when I get home from work each day, but not to the point where I crash. This week I have also started to experience a lot of baby brain. I mean ALOT. Iāve also noticed a lot of changes up top as wellā¦ if you know what I mean.
I thought this week it would be fun to share a little comparison photo. The first is from when I was 11 weeks pregnant, and the second is now at 16 weeks pregnant. Man, what a difference 5 weeks can make.
I am still anxiously waiting to feel baby move. I kind of feel like Iāve felt baby but then I doubt myself and think itās gas. Hopefully babyās movements will be more clear soon enough.
Hereās to 16 weeks of pregnancy and entering the 5th month!
Yesterday, something amazing happened. After finishing a kale salad with a homemade lemon dressing, I was sitting on the couch relaxing. I kept feeling some weird nudging sensations, between my belly button and my underwear line.
At first I didnāt think much of these sensations and just assumed it was gas. Maybe 20 minutes later I felt them again. This time I felt them with my hand over my belly. It was an indescribable feeling.
I told Charles I couldnāt tell what it was but I almost wondered if I was feeling the baby kick. I asked Charles to put his hand on my belly and feel. Immediately the nudging sensation happened again. He said āThat!? I felt it. Itās a kick!ā
It was a really exciting moment. Thank Jesus for this beautiful human growing inside me. ā¤ļø
17 weeks! Baby is the size of a pomegranate!!! And only 3 weeks until our anatomy scan and we find out the gender! š š
This past week has been very exciting as I have been able to feel little flutters and movements from baby! Others symptoms I have been experiencing include fatigue, cravings, colostrum, some shortness of breath, crazy vivid dreams, and round ligament pain.
This upcoming week I have one appointment and it is just a check in with the midwife.
17 weeks has me enjoying this sweet time of pregnancy!
18 weeks pregnant, and baby is the size of an artichoke! This week has been pretty crazy, so allow me to catch you up.
On Wednesday, I had a check in appointment with my midwife. We discussed my pregnancy symptoms, getting the Covid vaccine, birth classes and local pediatricians. My midwife checked babyās heartbeat and baby was definitely moving around in there. She said everything sounded perfect and babyās heartbeat was 150.
One issue that came up during the appointment is Iām not gaining any weight. In fact, I havenāt gained back the weight I lost in the first trimester which is about 6 lbs. My midwife encouraged me to increase my calorie intake by 300 a day and try to start gaining a little weight.
On Thursday morning I went to work like any other morning feeling completely normal. While at work I went to the bathroom and noticed a tiny bit of light brown blood in my underwear and when I wiped. It was faint but enough that I could see it. I prayed and tried to stay calm.
I let someone from the admin team know what was going on and that I needed to call my doctor. I called the after hours nurse service. I explained that I wasnāt feeling any pain or cramps, and that the blood was light brown. The nurse told me that itās likely just old blood or I could have over did it. She said if I start to experience pain, cramps/contractions; I start leaking fluid; or the bleeding gets worse then I would need to call back and possibly go into labor and delivery triage.
Throughout the day I tried taking it easy. I sat down in my classroom more than I usually do, I drank lots of water and I didnāt lift anything over 10 lbs. Thankfully I didnāt experience anymore bleeding/spotting except that one episode.
Despite the scare this week, I am really enjoying feeling babyās little flutters and I canāt wait to find out what we are having in 2 WEEKS! š
19 weeks pregnant! Baby is the size of a mango!!! š„ I canāt believe Iām almost half way there!!!
This weekās symptoms include increased hunger, fatigue, sore hips, round ligament pain, ranging emotions, and a little bit of spotting.
Between 18 and 19 weeks I received my first dose of the Covid vaccine. Coming to this decision wasnāt easy but I decided to get it for a couple reasons.
1) I know I am high risk because I am pregnant and want to avoid as many complications as I can.
2) When I am giving birth, it will not only be flu season, but Covid will still be present and I want to build up my immune system as best I can, especially when I am in the hospital and the most at risk.
3) I wanted to have a fighting chance. I know getting the vaccine doesnāt mean I wonāt ever get Covid, but if I do get Covid, I want to have a fighting chance and still be here for my baby.
At 18 weeks pregnant I had an episode of spotting. At 19 weeks pregnant I had another episode of spotting and some cramping. I called my doctor and they asked me to come in and get checked out.
At the appointment they first checked baby. Baby decided to move around every time the nurse pushed on my belly. As she pressed the Doppler on my belly, she caught the heartbeat for only a minute. Babyās heart rate was 145. After that, baby decided to be a stinker and hide behind my placenta. š
The nurse reassured me that baby was fine, and I likely just have a fragile cervix. This just basically means I am more likely to spot after a pelvic exam, intercourse, heavy lifting, etc. She encouraged me just to take it easy through my pregnancy. And as far as the cramping, itās likely a combination of my uterus growing and baby pressing on my bladder.
This week I am very excited because when I hit 20 weeks, we will be having our anatomy scan! I canāt wait to find out if Baby Rhames is a Boy or Girl!!!
Whoa! Weāre half way there! š¶ Officially 20 weeks, baby is the size of a banana! š
This week has been super exciting for many reasons. Not only has nesting officially kicked in, but we also had our anatomy scan and found out babyās gender! I will be revealing that in my next blog post!
This weekās symptoms include heartburn, cravings, increased hunger, fatigue, mood swings, slight back pain, slight feet swelling, insomnia, colostrum and itchiness around my breasts and naval.
Baby is still moving around and having a ball in my tummy! Baby is mostly active in the evenings and at night. š
I feel like in many ways this pregnancy has been super fast and super slow. So far I already have a bouncer, car seat, stroller, and high chair. Iām hoping to order my pack and play this week!
20 weeks down and 20 weeks to go! šŖ
On Thursday August 19th, Charles and I had a very special appointment. I was officially 20 weeks pregnant, and we were scheduled for our anatomy scan that afternoon. Before our appointment I asked many of our friends, family and coworkers what they thought baby was. I would say about 80% of people were guessing girl. Charlesā guess was he wasnāt really sure. From the very beginning I have thought that we are having a boy. However, within the last few weeks I was suspecting that we may be having a girl. Either way Charles and I were going to be thrilled with whatever the gender of our baby would be.
Before the anatomy scan, I was a nervous wreck. I tried to stay calm, pray and reassure myself that baby was just fine. We waited in the waiting room for about 20 minutes before getting called back.
Before starting the scan, the tech told us she would be looking at all of babyās organs. She explained that she was allowed to tell us the gender if we wanted to know, and all the organs that she was taking pictures of. However, she was not allowed to tell us if she found anything normal or abnormal. After she was finished she would write up her report and give it to the doctor. The doctor would then come in, go over the report and do an additional scan.
The tech tried looking at the gender first since Charles and I had both decided we really wanted to know what we were having. However, baby was being slightly stubborn and sitting criss cross so it was very difficult to see babyās genitalia. The tech decided to come back in a few minutes and see if baby decided to move.
The tech took pictures of the heart, stomach, bladder, kidneys, diaphragm, and brain. She then went back to see if she could determine babyās gender. Baby was still sitting cross legged. The tech waited a moment, and the baby started to move itās legs a little. The tech was then able to get a quick pic. She froze the screen and said āOh wait, do you see what Iām seeing?ā I said no because I had no idea what I was looking at. She then drew an arrow, and said āWhat do you think this is right here?ā Charles and I looked at each other and said we werenāt sure. The tech then said āYouāre having a boy, congratulations!ā Charles and I were over joyed. A baby boy, and we couldnāt believe it.
Throughout the anatomy scan, I was slightly uncomfortable. It was very difficult to lay on my back as it makes me dizzy and have a headache. The tech allowed me to lay on my side to help relieve the back pain. I also had a full bladder that made my back pain worse, and the pushing of the probe very uncomfortable. After the 45 minute scan I was able to go to the bathroom and rest on my side. The tech left and said the doctor would be in shortly.
When the doctor came in, I held my breath. I was afraid of what the tech might have found. The doctor introduced himself and said the tech didnāt find anything abnormal. And the tech is usually right but it doesnāt hurt to have a second opinion. The doctor confirmed that baby is definitely a boy. Baby weighs approximately 12 oz. and in the 62nd percentile. Baby Boyās heart rate was 143 and looked completely healthy. Charles and I felt so relieved that our baby was doing just fine.
After getting a burger and fries, Charles and I headed home. We called my parents and grandma and told them we are having a bouncing baby boy. We then ate our food, and put together a cute little gender reveal for social media. I shared with others that baby is healthy and that we would be revealing the gender at 7pm.
Before 7, I texted some close friends and family and told them we were having a boy. And at 7pm we made our big announcement and shared that Baby Rhames is a Boy and posted the picture above. People were shocked but very excited for us.
I am so thrilled to be a Boy Mom! Boys are just goofy, and energized and something else. I canāt wait to snuggle my baby bear, and raise him up to be a polite gentlemen. š
21 weeks, and only 7 weeks until the third trimester! Crazy how this pregnancy is starting to fly by. This week, baby is the size of a endive. I asked a few people what an endive is, and I guess itās just like a fancy lettuce.
This weekās symptoms include cravings, increased hunger, fatigue, round ligament pain, overall aches and pain, headaches, colostrum and minor sciatica.
This week I have been able to feel baby boy move more and more. His flutters, and taps at 16 weeks have turned into nudges and kicks this week.
Soon I will be doing a quick baby haul and show you a few things I have bought and received for baby boy! š
22 Weeks!!! Baby is the size of a coconut š„„ and the count down begins with only 18 weeks to go!
This weekās symptoms include heartburn, fatigue, increased hunger and thirst, moodiness, slight back pain, round ligament pain, Braxton Hicks, body aches, vivid dreams, colostrum and cravings.
No prenatal appointments until I hit 23 weeks. Soon my appointments will be increasing to twice a month.
Still in the process of nesting, cleaning and organizing. Part of me feels like I have plenty of time while another part of me feels like baby could come home tomorrow.
Also, we have decided on a name, but I wonāt be sharing it for awhile. š¤«
22 weeks, here we go!!!
23 Weeks! Baby is the size of a Grapefruit! Both Mommy and Baby are doing well!
We had a OB check up on Friday and everything is looking good. Baby Boyās heart rate was 135, and he was just chilling at the appointment since he was up all night kicking mommy. My uterus was measured and since I am 23 weeks, they were wanting the measurements to be between 21 and 25 cm. My uterus was measuring at 22 cm so everything is on track. Iāve also gained 6 lbs since my last appointment 5 weeks ago. So, I now weigh the same amount I did when I got pregnant and have gained back what I lost in the first trimester. Later in the appointment we discussed that Iām fully vaccinated, have been and will likely continue experiencing Braxton Hicks, and what signs to look for if I feel I may be going into labor.
At 23 weeks, this weekās symptoms include hot flashes, shortness of breath, round ligament pain, fatigue, hunger and cravings, baby movements everyday, slight swelling in my feet, and the start of some stretch marks.
Pregnancy is starting to go by very quickly. Iām excited but also feeling a little overwhelmed as I try to get what I can done and ready for baby.
24 Weeks! š 168 Days 6 months pregnant with 4 months to go! Baby is the size of a Cantaloupe.
Everyday, every hour and every moment is a blessing. I have back pain, fatigue, constant hunger, Braxton Hicks, the constant urge to pee, round ligament pain and other dailly body aches. But you know what else? Everyday I feel little baby kicks and wiggles, I experience joy when I am gifted fun baby supplies, and I fall more and more in love with every ultrasound as I get to see my beautiful Baby Boy. Itās all worth it. All of it. I still have my fears and anxieties of course, but I try not to let that steal my joy. I am so incredibly in love with this baby, and I canāt wait to meet him in January. ššššš
25 Weeks pregnant, and baby boy is the size of a head of cauliflower. 15 weeks to go and 3 weeks until the third trimester!
This weekās symptoms include heartburn, fatigue, anxiety, gas and bloating, frequent urination, swelling feet, Braxton Hicks, colostrum and some dry skin.
My next appointment isnāt until October 8th, and after that I will start being seen every two weeks. I also still need to have some blood work done, and do my glucose test.
This week has been full of ups and downs, between working long hours, and grieving for a friend who suffered a loss. Itās been hard for me to enjoy my pregnancy when I see my friend going through so much pain and heartache. But it also encourages me to hold my rainbow baby belly a little closer and cherish my angel babies. I try to tell myself to breathe, and to just count my blessings. Donāt take life and every little moment for granted. ā¤ļø
26 weeks pregnant and 14 weeks to go! This week baby is the size of a bushel of Kale!
This weekās symptoms include fatigue, hunger and cravings, heart palpitations, lots of baby kicks, round ligament pain, swelling feet, Braxton Hicks, slight leg cramps, and some intense emotions.
The day after I hit 26 weeks, I went and had some blood work done. I had a normal check of CBC as well as the second trimester glucose test. Unfortunately, I failed my glucose test and will now have to go in for the 3 hour glucose test some time next week. I am also slightly anemic. Iām not entirely sure what all of this means, but I am hoping that my doctor will get in touch with me very soon and offer me some guidance.
On a better note, I have an OB appointment coming up this week as well as a virtual Baby Book Shower! I am slowly but surely getting what I need for Baby Boy! My birth plan is written and ready to go, and I plan to start on my hospital bag this week!
26 weeks, here we go! š
27 weeks! Baby is the size of a head of lettuce! This is our last week of the second trimester, and then we are in the final stretch!
This weekās symptoms include Braxton Hicks, leg cramps, swollen feet, back pain, fatigue, hot flashes, strong and unpredictable emotions, round ligament pain, heartburn and baby kicks!
This week we had a little bit of a scare. While working on Monday I started feeling some minor contractions. I felt tightness across my belly, and pain around and under my bump.
I called into work the next day and talked to a nurse at my OB office. She said from what I was describing, it sounded more like the beginning of contractions verses Braxton Hicks. She told me it was a good sign that the pain went away with rest.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB to discuss any restrictions I may need so I donāt start getting contractions too early again. I am also having just a regular check for me and baby.
After my appointment I have to take the 3 hour glucose test, because I failed the 1 hour last week. Iām praying everything is okay and baby and I continue to stay healthy.
On Thursday, October 7th I hit 27 weeks. My very last week of the second trimester. I was already starting to feel really pregnant. I went to work that morning tired and sore from Braxton Hicks and possibly some small contractions earlier in the week. When I walked in the door, my boss notified me that we had some extra people and she said I could go home early that day if I wanted. I decided to listen to my body and take the opportunity to go home. So for the rest of the day I napped and relaxed.
Later that evening I started feeling very uncomfortable. My bump felt tight like Braxton Hicks, but I felt pain under and around my bump, I also felt some pain in my pelvis. I tried to just ignore this sensation and sleep it off. Rest didnāt really help and it was hard for me to get comfortable. After a few hours of this pain coming and going, I decided to call Labor and Delivery to see what they say. After everything I told them, they said I needed to come in and get checked out.
Charles and I headed to Labor and Delivery at 1:30am. I texted Alli and let her know what was going on since she is my second support person for birth. Alli headed to the hospital too. When we got there they took my vitals, asked me questions, I gave them a urine sample and they hooked up the baby heart monitors.
After the initial check in it was a lot of just sit and wait. Babyās heart rate was anywhere between 139-150. They didnāt see any contractions on the monitor, and no sort of infection was seen from my urine. Around 3 the midwife came in to talk to us. And she said the pain could be a variety of things: Braxton Hicks, baby sitting on a nerve, baby growing, round ligament pain and lightning crotch. But we never fully determined what it was.
The nurses gave me some Tylenol and ice to see if that helped, and after about a half hour I was 100% better. I was released around 3:45-4pm. We headed home to get a little more sleep before my normal OB appointment in a few hours at 7am.
I went to my OB appointment at 7am. I discussed a variety of things including Braxton Hicks, work restrictions, breast pump, anxiety, and my 1 hour glucose test. The midwife measured my uterus and I was measuring at 27 cm. Right on track! Babyās heart rate was also great between 139-145.
After my appointment I headed to the lab to complete my 3 hour glucose test. By this point in the morning I was starting to feel very sick as I had been awake off and on throughout the night and I had been fasting since 10pm. The test wasnāt terrible but it wasnāt wonderful either. I had to have a blood draw before the test, and every hour throughout. With each blood draw I felt more and more nauseated. It felt like time dragged on, and I was so glad once it was over.
I got done with the test around 11:30 and headed home. I ate some pizza, felt a little better and headed to work at 12:30. Before going in to work I received my glucose test results. To my disappointment, I again failed my glucose test. When I got to work I gave the admin team a note from my doctor stating I couldnāt work over 40 hours a week. I
I worked 12:30-6 and as I dragged my feet at the end of my shift I was done. It had been a very long day. When I got home, and got out of the car I looked up at the sky. In between glimmers of sunshine and rain clouds I spotted a beautiful rainbow. My day did not go as planned, but I was definitely being taken care of. Seeing the rainbow gave me hope. Hope for my current circumstances, hope for the future and hope for the rainbow baby I was carrying. š
This Thanksgiving has truly taught me to be thankful for what I have. Iām thankful for my family including my son, my husband, my parents, Grandma, aunts, uncles and extended family. Iām thankful for my friends and my friends who are practically family. Iām thankful for our home even if we are sharing it with others right nowā¦ God, our car, our faith, church family, income, food, safety and so much more. Iām thankful!
This time last year I was just getting over covid and 34 weeks pregnant.
This year I am beyond blessed to be able to spend Thanksgiving with my little turkey. š¦ š
This year was a little more low key as far as our food, but of course I made my stable Bruschetta to chow down on before the big feast.
We did cook a big turkey this year which was super exciting.
Our little boy loved trying stuffing, black olives, turkey, mashed potatoes and asparagus.
It was a great first Thanksgiving for our son and a wonderful reminder to be grateful for what we have especially in times of hardship.
At the end of April, I was feeling rather emotional and overwhelmed. Motherās Day was quickly approaching and it was hard for me to not carry the grief and dread I was feeling about that particular holiday. As I thought about Motherās Day, I thought about last year when Charles and I decided on Motherās Day that we would try again for our rainbow baby.
Fast forward to the end of April 2021, and I was feeling defeated. We had been trying for about a year and absolutely no results. Negative test after negative tests. Period after period. I was due for my period on April 29th. I was feeling discouraged and tired of hoping. I finally told myself to stop. Stop getting my hopes up and stop getting excited. I tried convincing myself over and over that every little cramp, twinge, mood swing and hot flash was just my period coming.
When my period didnāt come on the 29th I figured, itās just late this month. I have had cycles of up to 34 days. I continued trying to keep myself grounded and tell myself my period was coming.
The morning of April 30th, I had a really strange dream. I dreamt I lost my sense of taste and smell but no other symptoms. In my dream I was walking around a room to different foods and flowers while trying to smell them. I instantly woke up sweaty, agitated and gross. My alarm went off for work, and as much as I didnāt want to get up, I knew it was time to start the dayā¦ and at least it was a Friday.
I went to the bathroom, and I started to get excited that my period still hadnāt come. I then thought, what if I take a pregnancy test, and when it says Not Pregnant I can stop hoping. Iāll know my period will show up anytime.
I grabbed the last test I had under my bathroom sink. It was the more expensive digital kind. I knew that it would be the most reliable tool I had besides getting my period.
I took the test and waited.
In the moment of waiting I just kept thinking Not Pregnant, itās going to say Not Pregnant and thatās okay. Iām bummed but at least Iāll know.
It was 4:30 in the morning. I checked the test after 2 minutes. I squinted my eyes at the word on the screen. I was still tired with sleepies in my eyes. I read the word. I read it again.
Pregnantā¦ huh? Whereās the Not? It doesnāt say Not Pregnant. Is it broken? Does Not pop up later? I took a deep breath and wrapped my mind around my surprising reality. Iām pregnant. No way! Iām pregnant! In that moment it hit me and I sobbed with joy, and with hesitation. I praised God and thanked Him for this little blessing!
Iām pregnant. Third pregnancy, here we go!
The morning I found out I was pregnant again for a third time, I went about my day as normally as possible. I went to work and taught preschoolers. On my lunch break, I came home and showed Charles the pregnancy test and he was happy but not surprised.
In the middle of the day at work, I went to the bathroom. I was happy to step out of my classroom and get off my feet for a moment. However, when I went to the bathroom I was surprised to see a little bit of spotting. Oh noā¦. not again. I instantly started to panic and thought I was having another miscarriage. I prayed that what ever would happen would be the Lordās will. I was scared but I just had to trust and stay calm.
About an hour later, I went to the bathroom and saw no blood. I was relieved and filled with peace. I went about my day staying calm and trying to relax.
The next day while Charles and I were on a drive running some errands, I had to stop at the store to use the bathroom. While there I was surprised to see yet again a tiny bit of spotting. This time, I didnāt panic. I felt like what I was seeing was normal. With my miscarriage in the past when I was bleeding, the bleeding didnāt subside. It just got heavier and heavier until I lost my pregnancy. Whereas, the bleeding I was seeing now was still very light, and only happened once or twice.
Based on my symptoms, I am assuming that what I was experiencing was implantation bleeding. Implantation bleeding sometimes occurs when the egg implants into the wall of the uterus. It usually occurs around the time you start your period, so women sometimes mistake implantation bleeding as a period. Only a certain percentage of women have this, and is completely normal.
As I reflect back on my previous pregnancies, I donāt remember having any implantation bleeding with Mackenzie. With Chase, I remember having a very tiny bit before the pregnancy test turned positive.
Based on the research and what I know, I was not going to fret. The bleeding stopped, and I felt fine. So I was just going to trust that everything was okay.
After the weekend of finding out I was pregnant again, I called my OB office and asked if I could have my pregnancy confirmed. They said they were going to do a quantitative HCG level check to not only see if Iām pregnant but also see if my numbers were doubling.
Charles and I went to the lab after work and a few hours later I got my first set of results. While sitting on the couch I anxiously prayed and logged in to my account. As I scrolled and looked through my charts, I found my most recent test result. Before clicking the view result button, I prayed that what ever happens would happen. At that point in my life, I knew that I couldnāt control my circumstances but I had to trust and believe that God knew what he was doing.
When I opened my test results I was in shock. My HCG levels had already hit the 1,000ās and I was only 4 weeks. I couldnāt believe it. I cried. I danced around the living room and praised God for his love and his mercy.
The next day I received a call from an OB nurse. She said congratulations and that my doctor took a look at my labs, and everything looked great. She felt there was no need to have additional bloodwork done as my levels were in a great range. I asked the nurse a few questions and scheduled my first prenatal appointment. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement as I hung up the phone. It hit me all over again that I was pregnant.
Iām officially 5 weeks and baby is the size of an Appleseed!
Pregnancy symptoms include: sore breasts, nausea when I have an empty stomach, headaches, slight cramping, and major fatigue!
At this point in time only 3 people know, Charles, Andrea and my coworker Deja.
My first prenatal appointment is scheduled for next week!
So far, things are going well, and I am excited to see what the weeks ahead bring. š
A few months back I wrote a post about being more like Hannah from the Bible. Coincidentally, I was writing that post around the same time I got pregnant. In that post I talk about how all Hannah really wanted was a baby. She prayed and cried out to God about her longing to be a mother. However, God made her wait and it wasnāt until she humbled herself and dedicated her unborn baby to the Lord, that she became pregnant and gave birth to her son.
When my pregnancy hit 5 weeks, I started to become very anxious. the shock of finally being pregnant again started to wear off and reality started to hit. My life was forever changed again. In 9 months I would be giving birth to a beautiful baby or at any point I could suffer another loss.
When I hit 5 weeks in my pregnancy, I laid in bed crying. I texted my friend Andrea and talked through my anxieties. I stayed up talking to Charles and praying to God about the baby.
A Motherās Prayer
Lord, please forgive me of my sins and I just want to thank you so much for this little blessing.
Lord, thank you for this baby, no matter how long we may be blessed with him or her.
Lord, I want to dedicate this baby to you. This is your baby, that you have simply allowed me to care for. I am going to do my best to care for and love this baby.
Lord, thank you for this baby. Thank you that we are both healthy. Thank you for allowing me to get pregnant and thank you for this pregnancy. In Jesus name, Amen.
After saying this prayer, I felt peace and went to sleep. š¤
At 6 weeks pregnant, everything feels right on track! Baby is the size of a Sweet Pea!
My symptoms include morning sickness (nausea and vomiting), pelvic pressure, fatigue, food cravings and aversions, increased thirst, and frequent urination.
A handful of people know including some coworkers, Andrea, Alli and Charles of course.
Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment!
Officially 7 weeks pregnant! Baby is the size of a Blueberry š«
This weeks symptoms include major fatigue, morning sickness and not just nausea but also puking while brushing my teeth. š¤¦š»āāļø Iāve also experienced some leg cramps but I called my doctor and it turns out I wasnāt drinking enough water. Things are better now though. Iām also experiencing vivid dreams, excess saliva, strong pregnancy nose, vaginal discharge and breast tenderness.
Last week I had my first prenatal appointment over the phone and all went well. I also had my first round of blood work and everything looks great. No gestational diabetes. Iron, and thyroid levels are excellent. No UTI or other infections. And no STIs of any kind. I couldnāt be more relieved with my numbers.
Tomorrow, is our first ultrasound scan. It was moved up by a week to give myself a little piece of mind. Iām excited and very nervous for this scan. Iām doing my best to trust in Jesus, and relax.
One other thing I would like to mention before my first scan is this. I think Iām having twins. I think this for a few different reasons.
1. My HCG was very high. Just at 4 weeks it was around a thousand and having a high HCG is sometimes a sign of twins.
2. Major Fatigue. I remember feeling tired in my other pregnancies, but the fatigue I am experiencing now is on a whole different level. No matter how much I sleep, I have the worst time getting up. I take at least one nap on weekdays when I get home from work and I take two or three on the weekend. Having this bad of fatigue makes me think there is more than one baby in there.
3. Intuition/Gut feeling. I just have a feeling itās twins. I canāt explain it. Since I first got pregnant, Charles has also been thinking itās twins. When I envision the baby, I see myself holding a girl, but I see my parents helping us care for a boy. I donāt have one strong gender feeling over the other. I feel like Iām having both.
4. The pelvic pressure is different. This time around I am feeling pressure from both sides of my uterus. Itās like my ovaries and the sides of my uterus take turns growing. Maybe thatās normal in a singleton pregnancy, Iām not sure. All I know is thereās a lot going on in there.
5. A Special Phrase. After my second pregnancy loss, a woman at my church gave me a hug and said something to me that has stayed with me since my loss. She said āAll I know is youāre going to have double for your trouble. Yep double for your trouble. Who knows, maybe youāll have twins.ā She then laughed and walked away. This could just be me over analyzing little details or this could be something. I guess weāll find out tomorrow.
6. God has a Sense of Humor. I grew up with best friends who are twins. Iāve also lost two babies. We plan and God laughs. Maybe itās twins. Maybe he has chosen us to carry twins because he knows I have somewhat of an idea on how twins grow up.
All I know is, tomorrow we will have some answers. So stay tuned friends. š
On Friday, May 21st I woke up at 4:50am. I tossed and turned all night as I anticipated my 7 week ultrasound later that day. I spent the morning watching tv, eating and resting. I tried my best to rest and stay calm before my appointment.
When 12:45pm rolled around it was time for us to head to our 2 oāclock appointment. I tried my best to be excited, calm and cautious.
We checked into the hospital at 1:45pm. The ultrasound appointment was scheduled at a different location because the location we usually go to was booked until mid June. My OB requested that I get an ultrasound between 7-8 weeks.
As we sat in the waiting room, I looked at my phone in an attempt to distract myself from my anxieties. When we were called back I held my breath.
When we got to the room, the person doing our ultrasound said she was a student, studying to be a radiology tech. She explained that she would do our ultrasound, then the tech would look it over, then send it to the radiologist to look over.
As I got on the table and laid back, I kept forgetting to breathe. I tried taking deep breaths and just praying in my head. I trust you Lord. Itās going to be okay. Please just have your way.
The student tech asked a few questions and went to work. She took a look at my ovaries, which felt like forever. She then took a look at baby. I saw a little blob on the screen and was hopeful. Okay, thereās baby. Baby is in the uterus. Thatās a good sign. The student tech took a variety of images of baby.
Next, she brought up the heart rate scale. It was flat at first and I got scared. What if thereās not a heart beat? I then saw a wave on the scale as it picked up the heart beat. Then it went flat again. I held my breath. Was that my heart beat or babyās? The tech started typing and then said. āHeart rate is at 147, and that is excellent.ā A sigh of relief washed over my face. She looked at me and said āI knew you were waiting on that.ā
After the student tech was finished she left to get the tech. The tech confirmed everything that the student tech found, and reassured me that everything looked great. I asked the tech if there was only one baby, and they both claimed that they could only find one. I was fine with that. The tech also told me that it looked like it was my right ovary that had ovulated so thereās a good chance that itās a boy if my ovaries are quote on quote normal.
The tech gave me two pictures and sent us on our way. I was feeling beyond relieved and blessed by all that was done at our appointment. I couldnāt stop thanking Jesus. We got to see baby. Baby has a heartbeat. We saw the little flicker of the heart. Baby was measuring right on track at 7 weeks and 1 day. Heart rate was 147, and a normal heart rate is anywhere between 120-180. My due date didnāt change as it was still 1/6/22. All was good. All was okay. I was feeling so blessed!
Iāve heard it said that pregnancy after loss comes with a special kind of joy and comfort, but also grief and anxiety. Itās true. Iāve experienced this since the moment I saw the word PREGNANT on a test.
Everyday, is something I just try to get through but also just try to enjoy because I know this little life is precious and anything can happen at any moment.
Itās funny but I actually enjoy having morning sickness. Because when I have morning sickness, I know baby is okay. In my other two pregnancies, I felt my hormone levels drop and my symptoms start to disappear right before both my losses. I think I knew something was wrong but I just tried to ignore it. Itās like my mind couldnāt go there. It couldnāt face the loss that was about to happen.
So, I enjoy morning sickness. I enjoy feeling sick all the time. I enjoy the breast pain, the fatigue, acne, mood swings, everything. It gives me comfort and reassures me that baby is okay. In fact if Iām not feeling sick, I usually am praying that God will make me sick, just so I can put my mind at ease.
Being pregnant again makes me excited, of course. Iām also cautious. Iām cautious because Iāve experience the heartache of loss.
So, I take each day one day at a time. Iām thankful for every single day I have with this baby. Iām thankful for the morning sickness and everything that pregnancy brings. Iām just thankful. ā¤ļø
Officially 8 weeks pregnant! Baby is the size of a raspberry. I am eternally grateful for this little bean that was sent from our Heavenly Father. ā¤ļø
This weeks symptoms include morning sickness, mostly just consistent nausea but sometimes I puke. Iāve also had fatigue, breast tenderness, headaches, increased hunger, increased urination, bloating, and disrupted sleep.
This past week I told my parents and my grandma about our big news and they were thrilled.
For about a week I experienced some leg cramps that became intense and uncomfortable from time to time. I reached out to my doctor and it was discovered that I was likely deficient in magnesium. I was put on 400 mg of magnesium once a day and have seen major improvement.
Week 8ā¦ here we go!
9 weeks pregnant! I have officially entered the third month of pregnancy. Baby is the size of a cherry! š
This weeks symptoms include sore breasts, nausea and more frequent vomiting, fatigue, increased saliva, acne, decreased appetite and frequent urination.
More and more people are either figuring out that I am pregnant, or I have shared our news with them.
According to my pregnancy apps, the placenta is about 90% formed and functioning. All four chambers of babyās heart have now developed and teeth buds are starting to form.
Hereās to week 9! š š„¤ š¤® š
Officially 10 weeks pregnant! Baby has graduated from an embryo to a fetus and is now the size of a strawberry!
This weekās symptoms include, nausea, vomiting, sore breasts, constipation, crazy vivid dreams, cravings and fatigue.
This up coming week I have two appointments, including a check for a UTI and my first appointment with my midwife/centering group.
10 weeks, here we go! Already 1/4 of the way there!
Officially 11 weeks! Pinch me I must be dreaming! This week baby is the size of a Lime!
This weeks symptoms include gas, bloating, fatigue, cravings, morning sickness, moodiness, hip pain, aching joints, increased urination, heartburn and round ligament pain.
No appointments are scheduled this week as I had 2 last week.
2 more weeks until the second trimester! Letās do this!!! š
On June 18th, 2021 Charles and I decided to do it. We decided to announce our pregnancy and make it public. It was exciting, nerve racking, scary and wonderful.
I put together our message board and it readā¦ For this baby we have prayed, our rainbow is due in January 2022.
We received an abundance of congratulations, well wishes and prayers.
Wowā¦ I canāt believe I made it to 12 weeks! I have never come this far along in a pregnancy. I feel so incredibly grateful. This pregnancy hasnāt been easy by any means, but is certainly a gift I try to cherish and not take for granted.
This week, baby is the size of a plum! Just 7 weeks ago baby was the size of a Appleseedā¦ crazy! Also, this week babyās reflexes are developing and the intestines are starting to find their place in babyās abdomen.
This weeks symptoms include morning sickness, fatigue, cravings, hip pain, round ligament pain, heartburn, increased urination, and increased thirst. Supposedly, this week my morning sickness symptoms may start to decline as I near the second trimester.
This week, I have one appointment. I am doing sequential screening, where they test for various genetic and developmental abnormalities through a blood test and ultrasound.
12 weeks here we go! Letās finish up the first trimester strong!
At my last OB apptiiontment with a midwife, I was offered some optional prenatal testing called sequential screening. The tests looks for various genetic abnormalities including Down Syndrome, Cystic Fibrous, Spina Bifida and more. The test is done by looking and measuring baby through ultrasound as well as testing for different hormones through a motherās blood draw.
I considered this test when it was first offered to me, and decided to do it for two reasons. 1) because of my history with miscarriages I wanted to know all I could about baby. and 2) with the family history of my brother dying as an infant I knew I could be higher risk for different genetic abnormalities.
On the day of the test, I was a bundle of nerves, as I always am. I went to work that morning as normal as possible. Teaching preschoolers was a good distraction for most of the day. However, as the time drew closer and closer to the test, my fears and worries started to creep up on me.
I confided in many of my coworkers, and they encouraged me and sent me many positive vibes before leaving for my test. The funny thing is, at the time I wasnāt even concerned about the results of the test or any genetic disorders that may be found. I was actually scared of the actual ultrasound. We all know how ultrasounds give me anxiety since my last two losses. I was more concerned that I had lost baby and didnāt even know it. What if babyās heart stopped beating? What if baby stopped growing? In between work and my test I also confided in my family and friends, read my bible and did some deep breathing.
Charles and I headed to our appointment. I prayed and talked to him the entire time. Charles reassured me that everything would be just fine. When we arrived, we were called back immediately and shown the ultrasound room. Before laying down and preparing for the heated jelly, I confided in the tech and told her I was very nervous.
I laid down and prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. The tech turned on the screen, asked me some questions and began the exam. I held my breath and watched as she looked for baby. She said āThereās baby, and thereās the heartbeat.ā I sighed with relief and thanked Jesus. The tech measured babyās heart rate and it was 163. Perfect. She then started to take images of babyās heart, stomach, head, and spine.
Baby made little movements here and there but actually looked like he or she was sleeping. The tech still had a few more images to take. She tried nudging baby with the probe and getting baby to turn or roll overā¦ that didnāt work. She then thought sheād take a moment to look at my ovaries then come back to baby. She continued nudging baby with the probe, asking me to roll to my left then roll to my right then flat on my back. She asked me to roll quickly and roll slowly. She asked me to walk around, do some stretching, and anything to get baby to try and move.
As the tech tried nudging baby again, baby turned itās head and looked at us. It was hilarious and obviously trying to tease the tech. Then baby started waving itās arms and tried sucking itās thumb. Baby even put one hand on its forehead, as if feeling irritated and trying to be dramatic. Baby was just stubborn and really wanted to nap. I told the tech during the appointment that this time of day after work is normally my nap time, so itās understandable why baby wants to take a nap. Eventually, baby cooperated enough to where we were able to get all the photos needed for the test.
After the test I was given a bunch of pictures of our photogenic baby and sent to the lab for some blood work. I was told all of my scans and blood work would be sent to the Mayo Clinic and I would receive results from them within a week or two.
When it was time to go home, all I could do was stare in awe over baby. So many pictures. I got to see baby move and I got to see babyās heartbeat. Charles actually enjoyed himself too because baby was starting to look like a baby! I shared the good news with my family and friends. They were excited, relieved and so happy for us.
I even shared this little update on my Facebook page as I truly want to not only share in my pregnancy with others, but also share the struggle of pregnancy after loss. I wrote:
Itās funny, now that writing is my hobby, Iām usually really good at explaining what Iām trying to say. But today, Iām at a loss for words. I guess Iāll try and speak from my heart, and maybe just maybe it will make sense. . Iām going to be completely honest, pregnancy after loss is freaking scary. Sometimes I lay awake at night worried, and over analyzing my symptoms hoping and praying baby is okay. Other times, I am happy, I am at peace and I am content. . Today, I didnāt know what I was feeling. I was hoping and praying for the best, but truthfully planning for the worse. When youāve gone through loss you know what the heartbreak feels like and you remember the never ending grief, and in someways you never really escape it. . This afternoon we had a special appointment. I walked into the room holding my breath and giving it to Jesus. The minute I heard the tech say āthereās the heartbeat.ā I knew it was all okay. . Baby is happy, healthy and stubborn! Heart rate was 163. And Iām measuring a few days early so we are already at 13 weeks! I donāt think I could have asked for better news even if I tried! Baby is okay. We are overwhelmed with joy and feeling so blessed!
Hooray Hooray!!! Officially 13 weeks! One more week until the second trimester! We can do this!
This week baby is the size of a lemonā¦ ish. Since my most recent ultrasound it seems that I am measuring ahead by a couple of days. So really baby is between the size of a lemon and a peach. š + š
This weeks symptoms include fatigue, cravings, less harsh morning sickness, constipation and hip pain.
Thankfully, my morning sickness started to slowly get better by the middle of 11 weeks. And now Iām only feeling sick about once a day. It was scary at first to feel the nausea start to fade, but having an ultrasound this week helped ease my fears.
And speaking of hip painā¦ within the last week I have had some pain in my left hip than has slightly intensified. I did my own research and from what I found, it was looking like I might be suffering from a pinched sciatic nerve. I called my nurse at my OB office and explained that I have occasional sharp shooting pain that radiates from my hip towards my groin, down my butt and down my leg. She said that a pinched sciatic nerve is very common in pregnancy as my hips start to expand and the uterus puts more weight on the nerve. She gave me some exercises, meds and heat remedies to try. She said after trying all of these, if it doesnāt improve I will need to consider physical therapy.
Besides the hip pain, things are going really well. I had an ultrasound this past week and got to see baby. And this week I have a check in appointment with my midwife.
13 weeks, last week of the first trimester. We got this! š
When my son turned 4 months old, life was getting exciting. He was starting to roll over, only waking up once at night and we were going to start introducing solid foods. He was and is my entire world. Our day to day life was busy with tummy time, nursing sessions, naps, Hey Bear and snuggles. Life was good for our baby boy.
I on the other hand started having some odd and random symptoms. When I first started nursing, I lost weight instantly. My mom said I looked skinny. I mean I lost 5 lbs in the first trimester, and gained 13 lbs until I gave birth. So in actuality I only gained 8 lbs since my pre pregnancy weight. Plus, my baby only weighed 7 lbs 11 oz when he was born. When I first weighed myself after birth, I lost 17 lbs.
On Motherās Day, which was about 4 months postpartum; I started feeling symptoms. It got up to 75Ā° – 80Ā° that day. I was visiting my parents and we had all the windows on the porch open and I was freezing. I was in leggings, slippers, t-shirt, sweatshirt and I was still cold. I had legit chills almost like I was running a high fever. I checked my temp and was only at 99Ā°. I had this symptom occasionally for the next two weeks.
Within a few days of Motherās Day, I started feeling fatigue, nausea, leg cramps and a low milk supply. I decided to weigh myself around this time, as I occasionally did every few weeks and to my surprise, I gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks. What was going on? I was doing nothing different.
In mid May, I started having some major cramps. These cramps were just like contractions. The pain sometimes had me doubled over, and radiated from my pelvis to my spine. I was so confused. I knew this wasnāt normal. I took Tylenol to help relieve some of the pain and eventually it went away.
One night I woke up to these pains, and couldnāt go back to sleep. I was doubled over and crying. I was feeling chills again like I had a fever, but my temp was only around 99Ā°. As the pain came in waves, I fought the urge to throw up.
I eventually decided to call my friend Alli and ask her advice. She thought it was possible I was starting my first period after birth or I had a kidney infection. I also called the on call nurse number to get some advice. The nurse on call also thought I had a kidney infection and needed to be seen. She suggested I either go to the ER in the middle of the night or call my OB first thing in the morning and ask to be seen. I picked the latter, snuggled my baby and tried to rest.
The following morning, I went to my parents house so they could watch my baby. I called my OB office and they were able to get me in. I had a pelvic exam/swab done, a pregnancy test and a pelvic ultrasound. Everything came back normal and the pregnancy test was negative. I was thankful they didnāt find anything seriously concerning on the ultrasound, but still frustrated as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling.
About a week later, I had my physical with my primary care doctor. My doctor did the basic exam, and listened as I shared my concerns about my strange symptoms I had been experiencing. She ordered a CBC , as well as spinal X-rays to see if what I was feeling could be related to my spine. After the appointment I got my blood drawn and waited for the results.
About a day later, I had some very shocking results. My thyroid numbers were off the charts. It was reading as very under active and affecting my quality of life. My doctor touched base with me after receiving the results and said I should be put on thyroid meds right away, to help my thyroid to work properly in hopes that I started feeling better.
After receiving these results, I did a little research on my own. I discovered something called Postpartum Thyroiditis, which sounded vastly similar to what I was going through. Basically, your thyroid is over active shortly after birth and within a few months postpartum it flips and becomes under active. This made a lot of sense. My thyroid seemed over active in the beginning of my postpartum journey because I was hungry all the time and lost weight. Around 4 months postpartum it became under active because I started gaining weight, experiencing major fatigue, muscle cramps, and my body was unable to regulate temperature.
This was all so fascinating to me because I seemed to have thyroid problems that were only related to pregnancy. With my first pregnancy, I didnāt know I had thyroid problems. With my second pregnancy, I was on thyroid meds until I had my loss. For my third pregnancy, I was only on thyroid meds for the third trimester.
Thankfully, I am now 8 months postpartum on thyroid meds and doing well. My weight has stabilized, my milk supply is normal, no more muscle cramps, and I am only occasionally cold. Postpartum Thyroiditis is something I had never heard of before, but it is somewhat common to have thyroid issues after birth as your body adjusts to not being pregnant anymore. Who knew?
For 4 years, this date has been engraved in my heart as a date of what ifs. Iām not going to say grief gets easier, but maybe a little less fresh. My first pregnancy was filled with dreams, promise and high expectations. Unfortunately, it ended sooner than I had prepared for or anticipated.
My daughter Mackenzie, my first angel baby was due September 16th, 2019. I have spent the last few years honoring this date, and taking time to pause and remember my pregnancy, and my baby.
This year things were so different. In the midst of teething, feedings, tears, a sleep regression, and the daily duties of motherhoodā¦ I kind of forgot about the day and itās importance. Truthfully, In the back of my mind, I knew it was coming. But, it didnāt hit me until midway through, that the sacred due date was today.
I felt horrible.
I feel like I forgot about my baby. I didnāt mean to, but with the daily busyness and choas of life, it just happened. On the other hand when I did remember the day, I almost felt guilty, like I wasnāt being fair to my son Matthew. I am so incredibly grateful for my baby boy. I thank God everyday that he is healthy and I am able to raise him and love him earth-side. But by missing one baby, my Angel baby; I didnāt want my other baby to feel like I wasnāt grateful for him and that he is here. Itās complex and irrational thinking that I canāt seem to explain.
Today, I took my son to my Angel babies stepping stones and we laid a pumpkin gourd in honor of the day. It was simple but sweet.
Some may say I should just get over my previous losses by now. I mean, I got my rainbow baby. But itās just not that simple. I know that without losing my other babies first, I may not have the baby that I have now. So all and all, I love my rainbow baby, my son Matthew. He is a treasure, and more than I could have imagined. But I also love my angel babies Mackenzie and Chase. Their presence was short, but their memory and my love for them lives on forever.
Today is one of the many days throughout the year that I remember all my babies, both in Heaven and Earth-side š
In January of 2019, my life took a turn and headed down a path that I didnāt see coming. Many of you know this story as it has been the foundation of my blog. I got pregnant for the first time. In February I suffered a loss that would not only be a defining moment in my life, but would also change the way I live my life.
After my first pregnancy loss, I spent a lot of time at home. As I grieved and healed from the loss of our baby, I spent a lot of time in my thoughts. I spent hours on social media such as Instagram and Facebook, watching other influencers on stories and in their posts.
In the summer of 2019, I put a pause on therapy. My therapist didnāt work through the summer, so took that time to really dive into what I felt my purpose and new found calling wasā¦ advocacy. I was passionate and felt led to advocate for women like me who had suffered a pregnancy loss.
In September I was ready, and I was motivated to share my story to anyone who would listen, and help those who had experienced loss. My what would have been due date was approaching, so in the midst of being passionate, I was also grieving. Then I got pregnant for a second time.
This was it. This was my rainbow baby. I was nervous but almost over confident I wasnāt going to have another loss. Things would be different this time. I went to school, went to all my appointments. I ate healthy. Everything was going to be just fine. Then at the end of September, I had my second loss.
I was numb. I was confused. I did everything rightā¦ and I still lost another baby. I beat myself up. I again had that intense passion and a little whisper in my ear that said share your story. Write a book. That was it! I should write a memoir. My blog was doing great. Why not take it a step further and start writing. The beginning of the writing process really wasnāt difficult because I just had to take bits and pieces of blog posts and turn it into a book.
In February of 2020, on a whim I created a rough draft of a childrenās book that explained miscarriage in a child-friendly way. In March of 2020, I got a new job teaching, literally right before the big pandemic. In April of 2020, I graduated college. Being a new college graduate and starting a new job, my writing took a back seat.
In May of 2020, Charles and I decided to try for a baby one more time before pursuing adoption. It was frustrating, terrifying, and very much out of our control, but we said weād give it a year.
In June of 2020, I decided to publish the childrenās book I created back in February. I was touched by itsā small success and this motivated me to continue writing my story. I occasionally fiddled with my story on weekends or holiday breaks. But it wasnāt until December of 2020 that I finished my first draft.
In April of 2021, I was feeling very discouraged. We received negative test after test. It was feeling like my opportunities of being pregnant and having a baby had come and gone. At the end of that month I missed my period, and was pregnant for the third time.
For months, I had been experiencing writerās block when it came to my book. I told myself I should have finished and published my book before I got pregnant, but that just didnāt happen. My blog continued to do well. I created stories, reels, posted pictures of my life, home decor and was hopeful to soon be sharing our pregnancy.
In May of 2021, I started telling a few people we were pregnant after having our first ultrasound. I fought morning sickness and fatigue which was awful, but also reassuring that things were likely okay with our pregnancy.
In June, I shared with the world that I was pregnant. I was hopeful that third time was it for us, and that this would be our rainbow baby. 3 pregnancies and we were finally able to make a public announcement.
In August, we found out we were having a baby boy. I was engulfed with sleepers, nursing bras, bassinets and diapers. My manuscript continued to take a back seat. To be honest, I was slightly afraid to read it while being pregnant. I knew by reading my memoir I would be reliving the pain and grief of our previous losses, and I didnāt want to do that while caring for my so far healthy third pregnancy.
My third pregnancy was actually going perfect. Every ultrasound and appointment seemed to be right on track, until October when I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and November when I got Covid. This led to non-stress tests 2 times a week along with my normal OB appointments. This took up much of my time on top of working 35-40 hours a week.
We had our rainbow baby in January of 2022. Everything fell into place. My husband and I both had great jobs, and we were blessed to finally have our rainbow baby. You could blame it on hormones or endorphins, but at the time I felt like I had it all and didnāt feel a need to share my story anymore.
It wasnāt until I wrote out our birth story, and it occurred to me that there was a reason I hadnāt finished my memoir yet. Maybe my story wasnāt finished with the miscarriages. Maybe my story wasnāt only about loss and grief, but faith and hope. I pondered this for awhile and realized deep down, I still indeed wanted to write and publish my memoir.
So here we are, 8ish months after I gave birth and 3.5 years since my story began. In these times of chasing around a mobile baby, I find myself with the desire of changing my focus from influencing to writing. Iāve enjoyed my time on Instagram, but itās just not me anymore. Iām ready to focus on my writing and focus on sharing my story through print.
Through this process of fine tuning my purpose, I have wrote out a few general goals/ideas I hope to pursue in the near future:
Sign up for a Writing for Beginnerās Workshop
Scrap my first draft, start fresh but also continue the story and add my third pregnancy and birth.
Back off from my blogging IG, and focus mainly on the blog.
Itās been fun being an instagrammer, but Iām ready to come back to my first love so to speak, which is writing. ā¤ļø
The smell of a specific perfume, or the noise of a powerful laugh; the thought of a memory that happened many years ago, yet feels like was only within a few moments. The thought of missing someone so heavily that all of time stops, and your entire body grows cold.
This is grief.
I recently had a dream that my grandparents came over to my home. They were over the moon and all smiles about my son. They snuggled with him, played with him and laughed so deeply that it shook the house. They were honored to be great grandparents. They were in love with my son.
Then I woke up.
I woke up and remembered my Grandma and Grandpa were gone. Both had been gone for a few years now. One died from Alzheimerās and the other from cancer. I remembered they were no longer apart of this life. They never got to be great grandparents and they never got to meet their great grandson.
This is when grief returns.
There are moments, I look at my son and I just canāt believe heās mine. Heās a perfect mix of both his father and I. I canāt help but think of his siblings, the babies we had before him that we never got to meet.
Grief hits hard.
Last year when I was pregnant for my son, my best friend was pregnant with her daughter. My best friend lost her baby before 21 weeks. It was painful. It was excruciating and it wasnāt fair.
Grief has defining moments.
My senior year of high school, a girl I knew from youth group drowned. At the time I could hardly fathom someone around my age dying. How could it be? She had so much life to live and so much love to give. Why?
Grief is apart life.
Without death there is no life. Without life there is no love. With love comes risk. We risk loving someone even though we know we could lose them. Love is more than a feeling, yet with it sometimes comes loss which can be excruciating. If we donāt love we donāt live. And if we donāt live then, whatās the point?
Grief is a reminder.
As hard as it is to grieve, it reminds us of what we had. It reminds us of the good in our lives, the relationships and the memories. By grieving we arenāt forgetting those we love, we are remembering and we are honoring those gone, usually way too soon.
A few months ago, I shared with you an ideal baby routine, I was hoping to establish with my baby by the time he was 6 months old. It went something like thisā¦.
We were able to implement this plan for awhile, but as my son grows and becomes more active, it is time that we make some revisions. Currently my son shows these tendencies throughout the day:
He nurses about 7-9 times in a 24 hour period.
He eats 3 purees a day. This was recommended by his pediatrician to help him adjust to solid food.
He takes 2 naps a day, usually the first is 30 minutes to an hour and 10 minutes long. The second is an hour and a half to two hours long.
The witching hour is about an hour before bed.
He wakes up between 7-8am.
He goes to bed between 7-8pm
We try to go outside at least once a day.
He gets a bath 2 to 3 times a week.
He isnāt sleeping through the night yet as we just entered the 9 moth sleep regression.
The following is the schedule we are striving for:
As you can see, I try to establish plenty of free play time, as well as structured time such as eating.
Hereās to hoping this schedule works, and will help us establish a good nightās rest.
If you liked this blog post, feel free to let me know in the comments! You can also check out my previous blog post ā¬ļøā¬ļøā¬ļø
Hi Friends, readers, and people who just happened to stumble onto my blog. I apologize for my absence and silence the last few weeks. Iāve had a whole lot going on but also a whole lot of nothing, that has prevented me from feeling inspired enough to write. However, now that my baby is finally down for his morning nap, I thought I would jot down a few ideas, thoughts and updates that have been circling my mind.
This past week I came down with mastitis for the second time. And it took over three days to get ahold of my doctor to get some antibiotics. That was frustrating. Thankfully, I am slowly on the mend. I have to say, being a mom is no easy task. But it is 10x times harder to be a mom and care for a baby when youāre sick, and/or your baby is sick.
Matthew has been doing well the past week. Teething has seemed to slow down a bit, which has been a nice break. His new thing this week is going on hands and knees, to pushing back to a sitting position. He is also trying to pull up on things and so incredibly close to crawling.
I turned 27 this month. I canāt believe Iām 3 years away from 30! For my birthday, my husband took me out to a crab shack. It was AHHMAZING! We had salad, oysters, shrimp, crab, lobster tail, broccoli, corn and potatoes. We also got a free slice of cheese cake. Iām not even going to tell you how much we spent but it was worth it! A few days later my mom bought pizza, and blizzards from Dairy Queen. My husband bought me a coffee and we had some breakfast sandwiches. I didnāt realize how much my birthday was centered around food, but never the less it was great!
Rocky got established with a new vet earlier this month and he is doing great! He is a healthy weight, no fleas and doing well. He even cooperated when the doctor gave him his exam.
I have been doing better at diving into the Word and reading on a daily basis. It has always been so refreshing to me to read a scripture and to be able to apply it to my daily life.
Iāve been thinking about our wedding anniversary coming up in November. I canāt believe itāll be 6 years. How exciting!? It always depends on the weather for us. In November in Michigan, it could be snowing and 30Ā° or 60Ā° and sunny. So weather permitting weāll have to plan something.
I think thatās pretty much everything thatās happening. As my life gets more exciting, and I feel inspired Iāll write more. But for now, itās been fun and Iāll talk to you later. ā¤ļø
I probably say this every year, but how on earth is it July??? Not only this summer, but this entire year is flying by! Anyway, hereās a quick check in of my goals and how Iām doing. š
MY SUMMER 2022 BUCKET LIST
Grow a Garden and produce fruits, veggies and spices.
So, since we are currently staying with family, we havenāt quite got the plants in the ground yetā¦ but we do have plants. Does that count? We have a little bit of an over population with the bunnies that we need to figure out before we try growing our fruits, veggies and spices.
2. Go on some sort of family adventure (the zoo, the beach, the park, garage sailing, tulip festival etc.)
This summer has already been so hot, that I have been hesitant about taking our son out as I donāt want him to get dehydrated. Iām hoping it can cool down soon and we can find something fun to do.
3. Establish a more consistent daytime routine for my Baby (Naps, feedings, playtime, tummy time, etc.)
Ummā¦ yes and no. Every time I think we are starting to have a schedule, something always changes. I have discovered within the last few weeks that I have to limit Matthewās naps. I also have to make sure his last nap isnāt too late in the day, otherwise he does not sleep well at night.
4. Publish my Memoir
Iām working on it okay. Writing and self publishing a book is hard.
5. Start a weekly Yoga Routine
Letās not go there.
6. Finish Knitting Charles Sweater
Itās been a little too hot to knit these days.
7. Finish Reading the Entire Bible
Currently working on Isaiah, and hoping to start another book soon.
8. Reorganize my Bathroom
My bathroom isnāt really mine at the moment, since Iām sharing it with other people, so this goal is on hold for now.
9. Commit to going on Family Walks at least once a week,
Again itās been too hot. But we have gone a few times, just not every week.
10. Create some New Recipes
I havenāt really had a chance to cook since moving, but I am hoping to do this very soon.
11. Introduce solid foods to my Baby āļø
This has been a huge hit in our house. We have been trying solid foods since 4.5 months and so far Matthew has tried bananas, apples, prunes, peas, carrots, chicken, peaches, pears, cereal and butternut squash. We are hoping to try avocado and sweet potato next.
12. Start teaching Baby Sign Language in our Home. āļø
Since starting on solids, we have also been teaching baby sign language. The signs weāve used so far include milk, more and all done. Matthew hasnāt signed any of these back to us quite yet, but soon enough Iām sure he will.
13. Spend more time with my Family and Friends āļø
As weāve been staying with family, I have been able to spend more time with family and friends. ā¤ļø
14. Do Art Projects with my Baby āļø
Let me tell you, this has been an adventure. So far we had done foot print crafts for Motherās Day and Fatherās Day. Letās just say Momma wore a lot of blue paint. I think Matthew had fun though.
15. Reach 425 Written Blog Posts
Iām still in the 300ās as far as blog posts but weāll get there.
3 out of 15 goals met. Thatās a pretty good start!
When my son was 4 months old, our pediatrician gave us the go ahead to start solid foods. I was excited but very nervous about this new adventure. I took two weeks to do research before starting solid foods.
My son is now 6 months old and so far we have tried peas, carrots, butternut squash, apples, bananas, mango, chicken, green beans, prunes, cereal, pears and peaches. His favorites seem to be bananas, butternut squash and apples.
This solid food journey has been exciting and I canāt wait to see what other foods my son likes to try. š
Grief and Mercy 