As many of you know, I am super big on goal setting. I love setting goals for myself, and doing my best in trying to reach them. Recently, I was looking on Pinterest to see if I could find some inspiration of what to write, and this topic came up. I am always setting summer goals and even goals for the year… but I never thought to set goals before I reach a certain age. So, with out further or do… here are my goals that I would like to accomplish before I turn 30.
I know it has been a long while since my last room reveal… but I finally have my kitchen ready for its’ big reveal! Part of the reason it has taken me so long to complete my kitchen is 1) I returned back to work full time, so I don’t have nearly as much time on my hands as I did during quarantine and 2) the kitchen is something that can get super messy super quickly. Therefore, I didn’t want to take pictures and reveal it to you, until it was clean, organized and perfect. So, without further or do, here is my kitchen!
This kitchen is actually the largest I’ve ever had. It’s not huge by any means, but it definitely has more space to walk around, as well as more counter space to cook and create meals.
The cabinets are narrower than I expected when moving in, but I honestly appreciate it because it helps me to stay downsized in my kitchen items, instead of having a cluttered kitchen.
I really appreciate having counter space on both sides of the oven. It helps me to be able to place dishes on either side when trying to cook.
I also appreciate a larger fridge. In our other apartments, our fridges were a lot smaller.
Lastly, I love the openness of the kitchen. I love that there is a bar/counter on the living room side that is an additional place to sit and eat. I also love being able to see into the living room from the kitchen. The set up of this apartment is truly ideal for a young couple, who occasionally has company over.
Well that’s my kitchen! It’s cute and not too clutter. It’s open and and has a clean home style feel. Let me know what you think in the comments! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
If you know me, you know I love home decor. The following are my top 9 home decor pieces.
1. My Large Cross – This was a wedding gift and it has always hung in our living room no matter where we’ve lived.
2. My Sloth sign – This was a gift from a friend. She saw this and immediately thought of me. She knows I love sloths and the message totally fits my life.
3. My palm tree named Sandy – I have had this little tree since Palm Sunday this past year. I love seeing life in my home and I love watching her thrive!
4. My Maps – I love these maps as they give the perfect look to our living room.
5. My Wedding Bouquet – the reason I got fake flowers for our wedding is because they were cheap and I could save them forever.
6. My Bed Spread – I love my bed spread. It has a very country and comforting feel. Plus, it goes with everything.
7. My Tapestry – this is definitely one of my favorites. It’s a beautiful piece of art and really makes me feel like I’m sleeping under the trees.
8. My Michigan Accent – this piece of decor I received recently from a friend as a housewarming gift. I truly love it!
9. My bulletin board – I love this thing as it helps me stay organized.
I hope you enjoyed my little tour of my home and my top 9 home decor picks. Have a great Tuesday!
A Weekend Away to Honor My Due Date
This post was one of my favorites, as not only was I honoring my beautiful angel baby, but I was also pregnant for a 2nd time.
6 Weeks Pregnant
When you’re pregnant, every week is a milestone. And I was super excited when I reached 6 weeks of pregnancy.
7 Weeks Pregnant
At 7 weeks of pregnancy, I took my last bump picture. I had no idea I was going to experience another pregnancy loss.
A Scare at 7 Weeks and 3 Days
This blog post was hard to write… mostly because I already knew the outcome. I knew that even though I hoped and prayed my baby would be okay, we would end up experiencing another loss. I also feel, that when I discussed our trip to the hospital, I was able to see just how strong our marriage had gotten after experiencing so much heartache and grief.
My Worst Fear… Again
I dreaded writing this blog post, even though I needed to and even though I knew it would help me. Sharing with friends, family and all my readers that I had experienced another loss was devastating. However, I was overcome yet again with tremendous love and support.
Let’s Change the Way We Treat Women Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage
This post was about my first opportunity I was able to speak and give a speech on the topic of pregnancy loss. It was challenging, it was stressful, and it was very rewarding as I felt I truly made a difference.
I Feel Like Job
While writing this post I was going through something, that’s for sure. God and I also weren’t as close. This post basically shows all the thoughts and questions in my head as to why bad things happen, and why God chose me to suffer. I still ask these questions sometimes, but I have found some peace and answers through prayer and the book of Job.
Goals for 2020
This blog post was the first step to a good year. Though I didn’t realize there would be a world pandemic, I am thankful for the many blessings I have received.
10 Things to Get Inspired and Fight Writer’s Block
This post was a fun one to write and honestly super popular. I think every writer and blogger struggles with writer’s block at some point. This post is just a few tips to help you in case you’re stuck. Also, this blog post was reblogged on another bloggers page. I am super honored and thankful.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
One year from my first pregnancy loss was hard, and I was certainly not okay that day. This post is all about how I spent the day and how it is okay to grieve in your own way and in your own time.
My Bathroom Reveal!
In the midst of a pandemic, my husband and I moved to our new home. I spent so much time decorating and cleaning, that I couldn’t wait to share it with all of you! This post is a look at how I decorated my bathroom.
Counseling and Sea Glass
This post was short and simple, but had so much meaning. In this post I discuss the importance of staying grounded.
Cowboy Salsa Recipe
This recipe is super yummy, and I am even considering making it again soon!
My Living Room Reveal!
When my living room was complete, I was over the moon excited and couldn’t wait to share with all of you!
I’ve Been Thinking About You A Lot These Days…
I dreaded writing this post, just because I knew it would be hard. This post is all about honoring and remembering my baby Chase.
Well, there you have it! A look at my most liked, and viewed blog post. Here is a look at what’s coming to the blog very soon.
- Children’s Activities
- Date Night Ideas
- My Balcony Reveal
- My Kitchen Reveal
- My Children’s Book
Hello Friends! Last weekend, I did something pretty cool. My husband and I bought a new dining room table from Walmart. It took us most of Sunday to put it together, but we finally did it! I’m super excited for you to see my dining room!
One of the first things we did after putting together the table and chairs, was putting together our bulletin board. For awhile now I have had a bulletin board, and a dry erase calendar. They both take up quite a bit of space on the wall, so I thought… why not combine them! This was a fun little DIY project I did by using materials I already had, and making it work for our family.
I am so impressed with how our dining room turned out, and how our apartment is coming together beautifully! I simply can’t wait to have Sunday morning breakfast and holiday meals in our new dining room. What room would you like to see next? Kitchen? Laundry Room? Balcony? Let me know! 💕
What can I say about 2019? This year has been life changing, hard, emotional, shocking, grief stricken, crazy, a whirlwind, encouraging and just down right challenging. Regardless, of the fact that the bad often out weighed the good, I’m thankful. Another year is in the books. I would like to take a moment and take a look back at my 2019.
I found out I was pregnant
I started my first internship at a government agency.
I became president of a student organization.
I saw my baby on ultrasound
I suffered my first miscarriage
I had a D & C
I switched internship sites, and started interning for the Sexual Assault Awareness Campaign on campus.
March is a blur.
I recovered physically from surgery.
Emotionally I was in a fog.
I presented on Trauma in my internship.
I received the Healing and Growth Award at my internship.
Started my Blog!!!
I celebrated my first Mother’s Day
I took a getaway to the lake shore with my husband.
I completed my internship.
Got diagnosed with hypothyroidism
Committed to a Summer of Self care
Started another internship
Reopened my Etsy Shop.
Published for the first time, my story in a magazine.
Started working out regularly.
Started my senior year of college.
Attended a University football game.
Got pregnant for the second time.
Honored my due date
Took a weekend trip to the cabin with my girls
Suffered a second miscarriage.
Started writing my book.
Became temporarily anemic
Celebrated Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day.
Hubby got in a car accident.
Applied and got approved for graduation in April 2020.
Decorated for Christmas
Hosted a Friendsgiving with my college friends.
Celebrated 3 years of marriage.
Cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner for my husband and I.
Presented a speech on miscarriage.
Finished my second to last semester of college.
Got another car.
All in all, this year has been a little crazy. I pray that the new decade and new year is sweeter, and smoother for everyone.
Merry Christmas Eve Friends! I can’t believe it’s already the 24th of December. This month is flying by! Every Christmas my husband Charlie and I share a little Christmas tradition.
Have any of you ever seen the classic movie A Christmas Story? In my family, I was raised watching this movie every Christmas. It is an old and corky classic, that you can’t help but love. There are many scenes in this movie you might be familiar with, even if you haven’t watched the movie from beginning to end. For instance the dad cusses like a sailor, and the furnace is always malfunctioning. Or the youngest son in the movie gets wrapped in too many layers of snow gear by his mom, and is temporarily stuck in a T shaped position until he makes it to school. Or how about how the oldest son Ralphy is given a bright pink bunny suit from an auntie for Christmas… and later gets a BB gun and gets struck by an icicle. There are a lot of great scenes from this Christmas classic, and I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t seen it. But my favorite part of the movie is when the neighbor’s Rottweilers stampede through the family kitchen and destroy Christmas dinner. It’s sad for only a moment, until the family decides to go out for Chinese food for Christmas dinner instead.
That is where our tradition got started. A few years ago, my parents and I would get Chinese food for Christmas dinner. When I married my husband in 2016, we continued the tradition. Sometimes we get Chinese food on Christmas Eve and sometimes on Christmas Day. It all really depends on when the Chinese restaurants close and how things play out each year. This year I have a feeling we will be enjoying our Chinese food tonight, and enjoy any leftovers on Christmas Day.
What are your Christmas traditions?
Merry Christmas Friends! I wish you all a safe and happy holiday
Why is it that when a couple loses a baby, society is more concerned of how the mother is doing more than the father? Why is it our society perceives a mother’s grief to be more substantial than a father’s? Why is it implied that father’s don’t grieve too? I believe it all boils down to stereotypes and the old thinking of men have to be strong and hold in their emotions. While women are delicate and emotional. Well, I have news for you. Sure these stereotypes do have some truth, but it’s not right to assume all men and women fall into these cookie cutter images. The reality is men can be strong but so can women. Women can be emotional and so can men. Women aren’t the only ones who grieve for the loss of a loved one.
Mother’s certainly grieve for their babies who are gone too soon… but father’s grieve too.
After I experienced my first loss, I didn’t realize how my husband grieves. I didn’t doubt that he too was hurting and grieving over the loss of our baby, but I didn’t understand how he grieved. For the most part, Charles grieved in silence. I liked talking about our baby after both our first and second loss. Charles however, didn’t like to talk about it. Charles was more than willing to listen to my thoughts, but wasn’t too willing to share his own. This often turned into a lot of spats because I didn’t understand his grief and he didn’t understand mine. Eventually, we were able to come to a understanding.
With time, Charles would open up about his grief and sorrow he was feeling. For instance, when we would go to a store and see cute children’s clothing on the racks, he would make comments about how he wishes we could have kids who could wear cute outfits like that. Or when we would see children at a playground or park, he would mention how seeing those kids makes him sad and miss our kids sometimes.
After awhile, I had come to realize why Charles grieves the way he does. Since our losses were so hard on me emotionally and physically, he didn’t feel right falling apart while I was already a mess. He felt he needed to be the strong one, and help me through. Then, once I was feeling more stable, he was more willing to open up about his emotions and grief.
If you too have a boyfriend, partner or husband that doesn’t outwardly show his grief… you are not alone.
It can be challenging as we all grief differently. My advice to you would be communicate with one another and allow each other to grieve in your own time. My mistake, and often the reason for many of our spats was that I would push my husband to grieve… and that wasn’t right. With time, patience and communication…. grief starts to become more manageable… and something to experience together rather than apart.
Saturday September 28th, was supposed to be a very relaxing day. I didn’t have any plans that day except for studying and relaxing at home. I spent the morning in my pjs, drinking decaf coffee and catching up on some reading. Charles headed to our university’s football game and hung out with friends. I felt completely fine, except some cramping around my pelvis and cervix. However, I was convinced that this cramping was completely normal in early pregnancy.
Around 1:30pm I made myself some cheesy potatoes for lunch. I then went to the bathroom for probably the tenth time that day. When I went to the bathroom, I felt completely normal and pregnant. When I went to wipe though, I froze. Blood. There was blood. I was bleeding. I was spotting. Oh no! I instantly started to panic. It wasn’t a lot of blood, and if I were to describe it…. it was like the color of pink lemonade. Regardless, it was enough blood to scare me.
Why was I bleeding? This can’t be happening! Not again! I can’t handle this! I can’t handle another loss! I frantically started praying. God please, please keep baby Chase safe! I don’t want to lose him!
I immediately called Charles. Once I started crying, I couldn’t stop. I told Charles what was going on and he immediately headed home. While I waited for Charles I called my friend Andrea. She prayed over Chase and I. I also called the midwife on call. I explained to her how I was feeling, and what I was seeing. The midwife explained that unfortunately it did sound like another miscarriage, but I could always go the hospital to get checked out if I wanted to. When Charles got home he hugged me, and reassured me things were going to be okay. Then we headed to the hospital.
Going to the ER on a Saturday afternoon, I knew there would be a wait. However, I didn’t anticipate a full hour wait. When we were finally called back, I was able to relax and rest in bed. My cramps were still mild and the bleeding hadn’t gotten any worse. I was thankful for that. I explained to every nurse and doctor I saw my symptoms and medical history. I had a variety of tests done including CBC blood work, urine test, pelvic exam and three ultrasounds.
One nurse that particularly stood out to me was Doug. He was the best male nurse I have ever had. He went above and beyond to take care of me, my baby and my husband. He was funny and very willing to answer my questions. He also disclosed to us that his wife has had three miscarriages, and currently has two sons at home, and an infant in the NICU of the hospital. One thing Doug said that truly stood out to me, was this: At this point we don’t know if you are going to have a miscarriage or have a healthy pregnancy. But just try to take care of yourself and rest. Know that you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be at this time….
Don’t be scared, because your body knows what to do, and it is going to do what needs to be done. So, take care of yourself and be there for one another because this affects both of you.
Based on all my tests, everything was completely normal. My blood work showed that my HCG was in the 2000s which was higher than I ever had with my first pregnancy. My hemoglobin, and thyroid levels also looked great. My urine was fine and no UTI. My pelvic exam was normal besides some uterine bleeding. Lastly, my ultrasounds all came back fine. The reason I had three ultrasounds is because the doctors had a hard time finding the fetus. The ER doctor first used an ultrasound machine beside, which apparently has a difficult time picking up a fetus smaller than 12 weeks. I was then sent to an ultrasound room where I had another test done over my belly. The tech also had a hard time finding the fetus, so I had to have an inner-vaginal ultrasound. During this test, the tech and Charles were able to see the baby. Baby was only measuring at 5 weeks and 2 days… which was strange since I was supposed to be two weeks further in my pregnancy. However, the doctors said it was a possibility I had ovulated late. Besides that, baby was still attached to the uterus and everything seemed normal.
That night around 6:30pm we were sent home. I called and texted family and friends to let them know what was going on. When we got home, I forced myself to rest and take it easy. Shortly after arriving home, I had to go to the bathroom again. Though I was hoping the bleeding had stopped, I was still anxious by what I saw. I was still bleeding and it was getting brighter and thicker. Even though I was cleared to go home, I still feared I was going to lose this baby. Charles took the evening to hold me, and reassure me that it was going to be okay. That night when I went to sleep I had peace and faith I was going to wake up in the morning, with no bleeding and feeling so much better. I was convinced my baby and I would be fine, until I woke up at 12am the next morning……
My second pregnancy was different than my first. For my pregnancy with Mackenzie, I was in shock for days and not at all prepared. For my pregnancy with Chase, I was very prepared for the first trimester as I knew what pregnancy symptoms to expect. At 6 weeks I was already feeling nauseated, tired, hungry and hormonal.
Though these early pregnancy symptoms weren’t exactly fun, they gave me comfort knowing my baby was doing okay, and my pregnancy was on track.
For this pregnancy, I had my mind made up that I definitely didn’t want too many people to know. I didn’t come to this decision lightly. The reason I didn’t want to share about our pregnancy isn’t because we didn’t want people’s love and support; more less, we just wanted to keep it under wraps until I was further along. I don’t in any way regret telling people I was pregnant before my first miscarriage….. but I have learned a lot since then. I have learned that people will look at you differently when you go through a traumatic event. I also learned that though people may have good intentions… they can say some really hurtful things on the topic of miscarriage. Due to all of this, Charles and I decided to keep things a secret until we were ready to handle other people’s opinions.
At this stage in my pregnancy, I had so much peace. I had peace knowing and believing my baby was going to be okay. All the statistics and stories I had read, told me I was more likely to have a healthy pregnancy than a repeat miscarriage. My HCG and thyroid levels were great for a healthy pregnancy. I was ten times stronger than I was before experiencing a loss. Lastly, my faith, my education, my relationships and my job were all in a good place. Things were starting to go right for once.
When I found out I was pregnant again….. I was filled with a lot of emotions. The last time I was pregnant, I was excited, scared, confused and feared the unknown. This time I was excited and scared because I feared of the past. I prayed for this baby and had peace for whenever God decided to bless us again. When we were blessed with another baby I prayed over Baby Chase everyday. As my pregnancy progressed, I had a lot of faith, which was really surprising. For some reason, I knew everything was going to be okay. I had peace that this baby was happy, healthy and safe. I hesitated on planning for a future and getting too excited, but I talked to Chase. Charles talked to Chase. We showed him love and were thankful for every single day we had with him.
We again were embarking on a second adventure of pregnancy. Before I got off birth control, I did some deep self reflecting and asked myself Could I handle another loss if it were to happen? I didn’t want to think of having another loss, but at the same time it’s something I needed to consider. I came to the conclusion that yes. Though it would be excruciating, I could do it because of my faith, how much I have worked on myself in the past year and my strong marriage,
I knew Charles and I could survive another loss if it were to happen.
In the beginning of September, I had a really strange feeling. Everything was coming together, I was moody, but in a good place. Charles and I started our semester on August 28th. I reflected back to the last time I started a semester, and I found out I was pregnant. It would be nice to be pregnant again, but I wasn’t in a rush. I was in my last two semesters of school, so I was okay with a few months of trying.
I was expecting to get my period around September 7th. Through the first week of school though, I kinda felt pregnant, or had really bad PMS. I really wasn’t stressed since senioritis had officially kicked in. I was just grouchy. Around September 4th, on my Daddy’s birthday food was not settling well on my tummy. I felt hot, uncomfortable and just in a bad mood.
It reminded me of when I was pregnant, but since I wasn’t late for my period… I blamed it on PMS.
On September 5th, I got sick. I ate some Greek nachos with Charles for dinner and threw up. At that point, I knew I was pregnant again. I tried telling Charles but he didn’t think so. That night we took a trip to the dollar store to get some home pregnancy tests. I took the first test that night and it was a big fat negative. I knew it probably wasn’t that accurate because it was in the evening and I wasn’t late for my period.
The next morning when I woke up, I took another pregnancy test. Negative. Maybe I wasn’t pregnant. Just bad PMS this month for some reason. I told myself if I didn’t get my period by tomorrow, I would take the last test I had. Through out the day at school, smells were not appealing, I knew this was another pregnancy symptom, but I told myself I was crazy. That evening I brushed my teeth, and had a gagging fit.
Maybe I was pregnant.
The morning of the 7th, my period didn’t come. I took another test when I first got up. Negative. Hmm… this was getting exhausting. No period. I felt really yucky and three negative pregnancy tests. Charles and I talked and he didn’t think I was pregnant… but he also didn’t think I was the last time either. Something told me I was. I was listening to my body and even though all the tests said no, I knew I was. Charles and I went out and bought the more expensive pregnancy tests. These were the tests you take 5 days before your missed period.
The evening of September 7th, I took the test. I wanted to wait until the next morning so it was more accurate, but Charles wanted answers now. I went into the bathroom and took my 4th pregnancy test in a week. It wasn’t negative… but it wasn’t positive either. There was nothing! No test line and no control line. It was a defective test. I was so frustrated. I then took the other test out of the box and tested again. No line! I was so upset! These were supposed to be the good tests and they were both defective. This was a cruel joke.
The next day, Charles and I picked up two more dollar store pregnancy tests. This was it. I was frustrated, tired and so confused. My body was telling me one thing, but these tests were either broken or telling me something else. If they were negative and I got my period I would be okay. I’d be mad because I spent so much money on tests, but I’d be okay.
The morning of the 9th I started work from home. My boss ordered me lunch and I had a pretty chill day. I didn’t feel good especially after I ate. After I was finished with work I took a three hour nap. When I woke up, I couldn’t take it anymore. If I wasn’t pregnant, there was something really wrong with me. Even though it was the evening, I took another test. I watched the test the whole three minutes. By two minutes, I swore my eyes were deceiving me.
Did I see two lines? It was faint, but there was something there. I knew it!
The morning of September 10th, I took another pregnancy test. Two lines! The second line was slightly darker than the night before. My nephew was having surgery that morning and Charles and I planned to go visit him. Since my OB was in the same hospital, I decided to call and get my pregnancy confirmed that morning. After visiting with my nephew I got my blood work done. Now I just had to wait to know for sure.
Within 24 hours I got my results. I was pregnant! My HCG levels were in the 60’s. Because I’ve already had one miscarriage, my doctor’s office wanted to check my levels in 48 hours to make sure they doubled. By Friday I had my second set of results. I was really nervous. I prayed so hard they would double. When I checked my results online I immediately had peace… they more than doubled. My HCG levels were at 150! I knew then that everything would be okay.
I was pregnant for a second time. I found out exactly one week before Mackenzie’s due date. It’s like this baby was sent from her. After everything Charles and I have gone through, we decided to give this baby a nickname right away. We nicknamed him Chase because we were chasing our rainbow. We were excited again. We were nervous again. But both of us knew that whatever happens, we would get through it together.
It is officially November 1st! I can.t believe it. Time is sure flying by! It will be Thanksgiving before you know it. 🙂 Since it is November 1st, I have decided to write 30 things I am thankful for. Here we go……
1. Fall Colors and Changing Leaves 🍁
2. Pumpkin Spice EVERYTHING! 🎃
3. My Parents ❤️
4. My Home 🏠
5. My Husband ❤️
6. Doughnuts 🍩
7. My Education… I’m Almost Done! 📚
8. My Job 💻
9. My Health 🍎
10. My Readers of My Blog ❤️
11. My Family ❤️
12. Medical Insurance ✝️
13. Nature 🌳
14. Michigan 🥧
15. Communication ☎️
16. New Recipes 🍰
17. My Angel Mackenzie ❤️
18. PJs 👚
19. Rainy Days ☔️
20. Buffalo Wings 🍗
21. Thanksgiving 🐔
22. Warm Blankets 🧶
23. My Friends ❤️
24. Netflix 📺
25. Coffee ☕️
26. Pumpkins 🎃
27. Jesus ✝️
28. Faith ✝️
29. New Clothes 👗
30. Our New Little Blessing ❤️
1. Grief & Mercy Blog Q & A: I Am Answering All Your Questions About Miscarriage, Grief, Healing, Recovery and My Personal Experience
I really enjoyed writing this post. On Instagram a few weeks prior to writing this post, I asked women who have suffered a loss, if they had any questions that they would like me to answer. I truly enjoyed answering all your questions as well as sharing my own experience.
2. My First BIG Opportunity as a Blogger
This post was fun to write because this was my big break. I had no idea when first starting my blog I would be asked to share my story in a magazine and eventually work for that company. It’s honestly another example of the great big plan that God has for me, that I couldn’t see at my very lowest point.
3. Mother’s Day Part 1, 2 and 3
My Mother’s Day posts were pretty popular. I enjoyed writing these posts because I was able to reflect my first Mother’s Day weekend as an Angel Mommy. I divided this post into 3 parts because I didn’t want to overwhelm my readers and honestly each post had a specific purpose. Part 1 was more about strengthening my marriage. Part 2 was about grief and advocacy and Part 3 was about peace and comfort.
4. National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day October 15th
To be honest, before suffering a loss… I had no idea there was a whole month dedicated to Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. This year, I have looked at the month of October completely differently. This is the month that we remember all the babies gone too soon. I loved writing this post, as I yet again was able to advocate for women who have suffered a loss.
5. The Things to Say and Do After a Woman Has Had a Miscarriage
This post is all about things to say and do after a woman has had a miscarriage. After suffering a loss myself, I realized truly how many people don’t know what to say or how to comfort someone after a loss. I felt it was truly important to write this post so more and more people know how to help an Angel Mommy in her grief.
6. The Decision to Try Again
Writing this post felt like I had reached a moment of peace. I had peace in knowing what had happen, happen for a reason. I also had peace at whatever would happen next.
7. The Best Thing My Husband Ever Told Me After My Miscarriage
This post is one of my personal favorites as, not only does it have one of my favorite engagement photos, but it also allowed me a place to publicly thank my husband for being my rock. Though we have had our ups and downs, Charles has truly been amazing through our loss.
8. A Breakthrough in Counseling and Finding Acceptance
My Breakthrough, a moment I knew I would hit eventually…. when I realized that I had come to a place where I would one day want to try again. I share my Breakthrough in Counseling with all of you to not only break the stigma of counseling, but to also show that with a lot of time and work, healing does happen.
9. Making Peace with God
I was angry…. so incredibly anger. But through a lot of work, I was able to restore my faith and find peace in my heartache. In this post I not only discuss my faith but also about how I came to terms with my loss.
10. Redoing My Home Office
Redoing My Home office was a project I have been wanting to tackle for awhile. This past summer I was able to accomplish this goal. In this post I take you through the various changes and organization to make my home office.
11. Mackenzie’s Stepping Stone and Flower Garden
Creating Mackenzie’s garden was peaceful and unbearable. In this post I discuss the closure that was felt between my family and I as we created Mackenzie’s garden.
12. Reopening My Etsy Shop
Reopening my Etsy Shop was super exciting. I love creating and selling beautiful handmade baby items. Check out how I reopened my shop, and check out my shop link located on my main page and in this post.
13. Trying to Conceive (TTC) Lifestyle
Early morning workouts, prenatal vitamins and positive affirmations are many things I tried while beginning my trying to conceive lifestyle. Check out this post to read more about how I prepared my mind, heart and body for the future.
A Look Ahead…
Taking Pregnancy Tests is Exhausting
The title of this post is pretty self explanatory. Coming soon!
A Weekend Away to Honor My Due Date
A Weekend Away with the girls filled with laughter, coffee, cold mornings, woods, homemade pizza, Lake Michigan, and girl talk. Coming up soon!
Towards the end of summer, Charles and I started talking daily about kids and trying to conceive yet again. We stayed up some nights having long conversations about every possibility. What if we can’t get pregnant? What if we have another loss? What if I have to have surgery again? What if I have to go on bed rest? What I have an ectopic pregnancy? What if we have twins? How will we afford baby? When will we move to a bigger place? How will I take care of my mental health during pregnancy?….. Literally so many questions we would contemplate and ask each other daily. After many, many, many conversations we finally came to this conclusion. We can’t control everything. Anything can happen this next time around. So the real question was, can we as individuals handle it, and is our marriage strong enough to handle it.
We decided we wanted to start trying again at the end of summer, however we also agreed to keep each other accountable and not be obsessive about it. Our goal is to put our complete trust and faith in God, and what ever happens… happens. I decided to stop taking birth control at the end of July. I did this because I know birth control can stay in your system for awhile. It really wasn’t expecting to get pregnant again for at least a few more months. But we knew it was possible. We didn’t technically start trying yet in the sense that I wasn’t totally tracking my ovulation or anything, we just were no longer using protection.
During this time as well as all summer, I was doing everything I could to have a health trying conceive lifestyle. I wanted to be as healthy as I could for my next pregnancy. I made a lot of changes in my life including, limiting caffeine, faithfully taking my prenatal vitamins and thyroid medication; eating healthy such as healthy greens, working out regularly and teaching myself coping skills on how to better manage stress. With all these changes I knew I wasn’t going to be perfect, but also knew that making an effort wasn’t going to be for nothing.
One last thing I did at the start of our journey of trying to conceive was positive affirmations. I realized through friends and family that I have had quite a negative mindset since my last pregnancy. I am not very kind to myself and say things that should not be said to another human. I realized through reading books and talking to others that I needed to be kinder to myself, and I needed to have a positive mindset. For example; instead of saying things like “I will never be a mother.” I would say “I will be a mother someday soon, when God blesses me with another baby. Or “I’ll probably not be able to get pregnant or lose another baby.” AI would say “I am going to get pregnant and have a happy and healthy baby.”
It may sound silly but these positive affirmations were really useful in changing my mindset and giving myself hope. I was starting to get excited to pursue this journey of chasing our rainbow baby. Even though I didn’t know how long it would take or what the future would hold, I had faith that things were going to happen just the way they were supposed to happen.