“Puedo tener su numero del telefono? Charles said to me one day as I was gathering my things and leaving our Spanish class 5 years ago.
“What?” I said, not sure what he was saying. I tried, but I was not that good at Spanish.
“Puedo tener su numero del telephono?” He said again, and stared at me looking for an answer.
“I don’t know what you are saying… you want my phone number?” I asked confused and flattered.
“Si” he said excited. I gave him my phone number and went on my way. This was pretty much the conversation that started everything.
After meeting each other on September 4th, 2014…. we became aquaintances. We then began Spanish class buddies and eventually friends.
After asking me out 3 times, I finally said yes and Charles took me out for Indian. It was so sweet, yummy and awkward… but first dates usually are. By November 4th, 2014 we decided to make it official and become boyfriend and girlfriend…. or Novio and Novia.
We dated for a year and 8 months before getting engaged. He was so nervous as we walked through a park downtown, pulled out a ring, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him… of course I said yes. It was the best birthday present I ever received.
Exactly 3 months later, we tied the knot on November 12th, 2016. We had the perfect fall wedding with many of our friends and family in attendance. We got married in the same church my grandparents got married in, and my Daddy gave me away to Charles. It was beautiful.
Before meeting Charles, I had never really considered dating someone let alone marrying someone of a different race. I have always been open to meeting new people no matter what they look like or where they come from, but I honestly just never thought I would be in an interracial relationship.
Dating Charles made me realize we were from two different worlds. There were a lot of cultural differences that I was not at all use to. A lot of slang and phrases Charles would use I didn’t understand, or had never heard before. Thanksgiving was a huge culture shock. I was used to turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, fruit, corn on the cob and pumpkin pie. In Charles very soul food oriented family we had turkey, ham, fried chicken, greens, yams, corn bread, stuffing, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and cabbage. It was amazing.
When we got married I learned more things about being a black and white interracial couple. For instance people stare at us. Sometimes they are staring at us because we’re cute together, but other times they stare at us with disapproving looks… it’s very uncomfortable.
Regardless of these differences, I truly enjoy being in an interracial marriage. I enjoy being with someone who has a very different background than I, but also shares the same values. For better for worse, for rich or poor, in sickness and in health, black or white…. I love Charles so much and I am honored to be his wife.
In January of 2019, my life took a turn and headed down a path that I didn’t see coming. Many of you know this story as it has been the foundation of my blog. I got pregnant for the first time. In February I suffered a loss that would not only be a defining moment in my life, but would also change the way I live my life.
After my first pregnancy loss, I spent a lot of time at home. As I grieved and healed from the loss of our baby, I spent a lot of time in my thoughts. I spent hours on social media such as Instagram and Facebook, watching other influencers on stories and in their posts.
In the summer of 2019, I put a pause on therapy. My therapist didn’t work through the summer, so took that time to really dive into what I felt my purpose and new found calling was… advocacy. I was passionate and felt led to advocate for women like me who had suffered a pregnancy loss.
In September I was ready, and I was motivated to share my story to anyone who would listen, and help those who had experienced loss. My what would have been due date was approaching, so in the midst of being passionate, I was also grieving. Then I got pregnant for a second time.
This was it. This was my rainbow baby. I was nervous but almost over confident I wasn’t going to have another loss. Things would be different this time. I went to school, went to all my appointments. I ate healthy. Everything was going to be just fine. Then at the end of September, I had my second loss.
I was numb. I was confused. I did everything right… and I still lost another baby. I beat myself up. I again had that intense passion and a little whisper in my ear that said share your story. Write a book. That was it! I should write a memoir. My blog was doing great. Why not take it a step further and start writing. The beginning of the writing process really wasn’t difficult because I just had to take bits and pieces of blog posts and turn it into a book.
In February of 2020, on a whim I created a rough draft of a children’s book that explained miscarriage in a child-friendly way. In March of 2020, I got a new job teaching, literally right before the big pandemic. In April of 2020, I graduated college. Being a new college graduate and starting a new job, my writing took a back seat.
In May of 2020, Charles and I decided to try for a baby one more time before pursuing adoption. It was frustrating, terrifying, and very much out of our control, but we said we’d give it a year.
In June of 2020, I decided to publish the children’s book I created back in February. I was touched by its’ small success and this motivated me to continue writing my story. I occasionally fiddled with my story on weekends or holiday breaks. But it wasn’t until December of 2020 that I finished my first draft.
In April of 2021, I was feeling very discouraged. We received negative test after test. It was feeling like my opportunities of being pregnant and having a baby had come and gone. At the end of that month I missed my period, and was pregnant for the third time.
For months, I had been experiencing writer’s block when it came to my book. I told myself I should have finished and published my book before I got pregnant, but that just didn’t happen. My blog continued to do well. I created stories, reels, posted pictures of my life, home decor and was hopeful to soon be sharing our pregnancy.
In May of 2021, I started telling a few people we were pregnant after having our first ultrasound. I fought morning sickness and fatigue which was awful, but also reassuring that things were likely okay with our pregnancy.
In June, I shared with the world that I was pregnant. I was hopeful that third time was it for us, and that this would be our rainbow baby. 3 pregnancies and we were finally able to make a public announcement.
In August, we found out we were having a baby boy. I was engulfed with sleepers, nursing bras, bassinets and diapers. My manuscript continued to take a back seat. To be honest, I was slightly afraid to read it while being pregnant. I knew by reading my memoir I would be reliving the pain and grief of our previous losses, and I didn’t want to do that while caring for my so far healthy third pregnancy.
My third pregnancy was actually going perfect. Every ultrasound and appointment seemed to be right on track, until October when I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and November when I got Covid. This led to non-stress tests 2 times a week along with my normal OB appointments. This took up much of my time on top of working 35-40 hours a week.
We had our rainbow baby in January of 2022. Everything fell into place. My husband and I both had great jobs, and we were blessed to finally have our rainbow baby. You could blame it on hormones or endorphins, but at the time I felt like I had it all and didn’t feel a need to share my story anymore.
It wasn’t until I wrote out our birth story, and it occurred to me that there was a reason I hadn’t finished my memoir yet. Maybe my story wasn’t finished with the miscarriages. Maybe my story wasn’t only about loss and grief, but faith and hope. I pondered this for awhile and realized deep down, I still indeed wanted to write and publish my memoir.
So here we are, 8ish months after I gave birth and 3.5 years since my story began. In these times of chasing around a mobile baby, I find myself with the desire of changing my focus from influencing to writing. I’ve enjoyed my time on Instagram, but it’s just not me anymore. I’m ready to focus on my writing and focus on sharing my story through print.
Through this process of fine tuning my purpose, I have wrote out a few general goals/ideas I hope to pursue in the near future:
Sign up for a Writing for Beginner’s Workshop
Scrap my first draft, start fresh but also continue the story and add my third pregnancy and birth.
Back off from my blogging IG, and focus mainly on the blog.
It’s been fun being an instagrammer, but I’m ready to come back to my first love so to speak, which is writing. ❤️
I probably say this every year, but how on earth is it July??? Not only this summer, but this entire year is flying by! Anyway, here’s a quick check in of my goals and how I’m doing. 😊
MY SUMMER 2022 BUCKET LIST
Grow a Garden and produce fruits, veggies and spices.
So, since we are currently staying with family, we haven’t quite got the plants in the ground yet… but we do have plants. Does that count? We have a little bit of an over population with the bunnies that we need to figure out before we try growing our fruits, veggies and spices.
2. Go on some sort of family adventure (the zoo, the beach, the park, garage sailing, tulip festival etc.)
This summer has already been so hot, that I have been hesitant about taking our son out as I don’t want him to get dehydrated. I’m hoping it can cool down soon and we can find something fun to do.
3. Establish a more consistent daytime routine for my Baby (Naps, feedings, playtime, tummy time, etc.)
Umm… yes and no. Every time I think we are starting to have a schedule, something always changes. I have discovered within the last few weeks that I have to limit Matthew’s naps. I also have to make sure his last nap isn’t too late in the day, otherwise he does not sleep well at night.
4. Publish my Memoir
I’m working on it okay. Writing and self publishing a book is hard.
5. Start a weekly Yoga Routine
Let’s not go there.
6. Finish Knitting Charles Sweater
It’s been a little too hot to knit these days.
7. Finish Reading the Entire Bible
Currently working on Isaiah, and hoping to start another book soon.
8. Reorganize my Bathroom
My bathroom isn’t really mine at the moment, since I’m sharing it with other people, so this goal is on hold for now.
9. Commit to going on Family Walks at least once a week,
Again it’s been too hot. But we have gone a few times, just not every week.
10. Create some New Recipes
I haven’t really had a chance to cook since moving, but I am hoping to do this very soon.
11. Introduce solid foods to my Baby ✔️
This has been a huge hit in our house. We have been trying solid foods since 4.5 months and so far Matthew has tried bananas, apples, prunes, peas, carrots, chicken, peaches, pears, cereal and butternut squash. We are hoping to try avocado and sweet potato next.
12. Start teaching Baby Sign Language in our Home. ✔️
Since starting on solids, we have also been teaching baby sign language. The signs we’ve used so far include milk, more and all done. Matthew hasn’t signed any of these back to us quite yet, but soon enough I’m sure he will.
13. Spend more time with my Family and Friends ✔️
As we’ve been staying with family, I have been able to spend more time with family and friends. ❤️
14. Do Art Projects with my Baby ✔️
Let me tell you, this has been an adventure. So far we had done foot print crafts for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Let’s just say Momma wore a lot of blue paint. I think Matthew had fun though.
15. Reach 425 Written Blog Posts
I’m still in the 300’s as far as blog posts but we’ll get there.
3 out of 15 goals met. That’s a pretty good start!
With the news of Roe v. Wade being overturned by the Supreme Court on Friday, Facebook, Instagram and the mainstream media have been filled with both pro choice and pro life opinions on the matter. I have found myself reading and scrolling through social media as we all see the drama that unfolds across the country.
Now, I’m not usually one to write and or speak on political matters, but today I’m going to. I’m going to because this issue really shouldn’t be political but has certainly become political. In many ways I fear that I will lose friends on this matter, but in other ways I don’t care. We live in a free country and if they have the right to speak their mind then so do I.
I am a born again Christian. I am pro life. I believe life begins at conception. I do not like abortion. I understand that it is done and for many women they either choose that option and or feel that is their only option. I do not hate women who feel this way. I just know it’s something I could never do. At least that’s what I thought before this past Friday’s ruling….
On Friday, I started reading about women who use the pill to have an early abortion. They went on to say how this option will be illegal in some states and will no longer be available. This discussion reminded me of my first miscarriage. I had a missed miscarriage meaning my baby’s heart stopped beating at 8 weeks and 5 days but I didn’t find out until my 11 week ultrasound. My sweet baby, laid lifeless inside me for 2 weeks and 2 days until we found out at my ultrasound.
After my ultrasound I was sent to another room to discuss my options. They said I could take a pill to help my uterus contract and pass the baby, I could have a D & C procedure, or I could just allow my body to pass the baby on its own. At the time I remembered struggling on deciding what to do. Ultimately, I decided on a D & C.
It occurred to me on Friday that I technically had an abortion. I had an abortion procedure not to kill my baby and not to terminate my pregnancy but to clean out my uterus for my own health, so I didn’t become septic.
With the most recent ruling, I can’t help but wonder Did I do the right thing getting a D & C? Should I have not done anything? Should I have let my body pass my baby naturally? Did what I decided go against my ethics and morals?
These thoughts troubled me for a while. I know I didn’t kill my baby, but I did allow medical intervention for my own health. I also started to wonder how this new ruling will affect other women of pregnancy loss. Will they now no longer have the option for a D & C or a pill after losing their pregnancy? Are more women going to die from pregnancy complications and pregnancy loss?
I’m not sure. I don’t think there is a clear cut, black and white answer.
Do I think I had an abortion? Technically yes. According to the medical definition… yes. But if Jesus were to take me today, and I were to go before God, I don’t think I did anything spiritually wrong for putting my health first and choosing to have a D & C instead of naturally miscarrying.
This Roe v. Wade overturn is complicated and I don’t completely know what this means for our country. I’m scared and interested to see what happens next.
One year ago, I wrote out a list. This list was how I hoped to see myself a year later. I thought it would be fun to take a look back at how my life was, how it is now, and if things turned out the way I was hoping.
Recently, I was doing some journaling and I thought, why not make a plan of how I hope things are for us this time next year… so I did.
On this Day Monday April 26th, 2021, what our life looks like now:
Married to Charlie for 4 years
Live in a 1 bedroom apartment
Own 2 cars
Been at my job for 1 year
Have had 2 miscarriages
Spent a year of trying to conceive so far.
Have a 13 month old kitten named Rocky
Written 1 children’s book
Published 1 children’s book
Not vaccinated with Covid vaccine yet.
How I hope to see our life a year from now…
Married for 5 years Yes!
In process of moving to a 2 bedroom apartment No, we are staying where we are.
Own one car Yes!
Been at my job for 2 years No, only 1 year and 9 months.
Have had 2 miscarriages Yes
Spent 16 months trying to conceive then finally got pregnant. No. We only spent a year of trying.
7 months pregnant No. My baby is almost 4 months old!
Have Rocky and another 10 month old kitten. No. We only have Rocky right now. 1 baby and 1 kitty is enough.
Published 2 children’s books No. Not yet.
Published memoir No. Almost!
Fully vaccinated Yes!
Starting the beginning steps of becoming a foster parent. No. Not at this time.
My life isn’t exactly how I thought it would be a year later, and that’s okay. In fact, I believe it’s better than I ever expected. ❤️
2021 was overall a good year. There were some changes, some things that remained the same, some let downs, some celebrations and a lot of growth. The biggest thing that happen was God blessing us with the opportunity to start a family, and we are over the moon thankful. ❤️
A Recap for 2021
Published Mackenzie Goes to Heaven Coloring Book
My Hubby turned 25!
My Kitty Rocky turned 1!
Changed shifts and became an opener at my job.
I celebrated 1 year at my job as a lead preschool teacher.
Started writing my second children’s book.
Paid off my car.
Bought a new car.
Got Pregnant with our Rainbow Baby. 🌈
Started Growing Avocado Trees
Celebrated Teacher Appreciation Week with my fellow teachers!
Celebrated my first Mother’s Day pregnant.
We had our dating ultrasound and got to see Baby Bear for the first time.
Told my family and close friends I was expecting.
Made our Big Announcement that our Rainbow Baby was on the way!
Made it to the 2nd trimester in my pregnancy!
We had sequential screening done and got to see Baby Bear again!
Started craving lemons and pickles. Had a feeling we were expecting a Boy.
Started feeling Baby flutters
Won the Dustpan Award for the cleanest classroom at work.
Celebrated Rocky’s 1 year adoption!
Heard Baby Bear’s heartbeat using a Doppler for the first time.
Had our anatomy scan and gender reveal. We were excited to find out we were having a Baby Boy!!! 💙
I turned 26!
Went on a Fall themed Girl’s Getaway with my friends Alli and Andrea.
Told myself it was okay to start buying baby items.
Held a virtual Baby Book Party!
Honored my babies on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
Started Decorating the Nursery.
Made it to the third trimester!
Tested Positive for Covid, and had to be quarantined for two weeks
Got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and was bumped up to a high risk pregnancy.
Celebrated 5 years of marriage with my husband.
Packed our bags for the hospital and prepared for Baby Boy’s arrival.
Had our last ultrasound and discovered that Baby Boy has long thick hair.
Got diagnosed with thyroid problems associated with pregnancy.
It’s round up time again! I am sharing my most liked, commented and viewed posts since my last round up. Check it out!
Sequential Screening During the 12th Week of Pregnancy
In this post I discuss not only the anxiety that comes with going through a pregnancy after loss, but also our experience with different genetic testing.
First Few Little Kicks
Feeling baby kicks for the first time was amazing and nothing like I had ever experienced. ❤️
18 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)
This post is about my pregnancy update at 18 weeks.
Gender Reveal!20 Week Anatomy Scan
Hitting half way in my pregnancy was a huge milestone. Going to our anatomy scan and being able to see baby and all his features was so exciting. My favorite part was finding out what we were having. 🥰
27 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)
This post is about my 27 week update of my pregnancy.
Decorating the Nursery/ Organizing Baby’s Things
In a one bedroom apartment, you are very limited on space. However, I love how our bedroom/baby’s nursery turned out 🥰
10 Things I Will Miss About Being Pregnant
For the most part I had a pretty easy pregnancy until I hit the third trimester. In the third trimester I dealt with GD, thyroid problems and covid. In this post, I talk about the things I will soon miss about being pregnant.
Feeling a Little Extra Thankful
Being pregnant on Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Charles and I cherished our little family of two + a fur baby, before our rainbow baby arrives. We also spent the morning cooking together.
37 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Third Trimester)
In this post I give a 37 week pregnancy update, and talk about ways I am preparing for labor.
At 32 weeks pregnant, I am realizing how quickly my pregnancy is coming to an end and we will soon be able to meet our precious baby boy! This pregnancy hasn’t always been easy but I have been very blessed to have gotten this far, and gone through this much.
Here are my Top 10 Things I Will Miss About Being Pregnant
1. The precious baby kicks, rolls and squirms
2. Clear Skin (For some reason these pregnancy hormones gave me the clearest skin of my life)
3. Not having a period
4. People being so nice to me because I’m pregnant
5. The cravings
6. The strong pregnancy smell
7. Large appetite and eating for two
8. Cute and comfy maternity clothes
9. The excitement and anticipation of planning for a new baby
Fall is my favorite season. I love everything about fall. Anything from the colorful trees, to the doughnuts… I just love it! Fall is my happy place! Since I love fall so much, I have decided to share my top 10 favorite things about Fall.
MY TOP 10 FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT FALL
Changing Leaves – I love seeing the leaves change in the fall. Here in Michigan, it can be absolutely breath taking seeing red, orange, yellow and brown being displayed through out our beautiful state.
Doughnuts – I would have to admit that doughnuts indeed are my love language. What’s funny is I am really not a bread person. I don’t like a lot of bread but I love the sweet, and fulfilling goodness of a doughnut… especially in the fall.
Sweater and Hoodie Weather – I love to layer and be comfy in my clothes. I get so excited when it is just cool enough that I can throw on a hoodie, or look stylish and comfy in a sweater, leggings, boots and a beanie.
Fall Scents – I get so excited to smell fall, I know sounds crazy to say. But I do. I love smelling pumpkin, cinnamon, apple, smores, vanilla and everything in between. I am one of those people who looks forward to a pumpkin spice latte every fall at Biggby. I am also one of those people who enjoys the new fall scents at Bath and Body Works.
Football Games – I get so hyped for football games at my college. It just feels like fall when I am sitting in the stands, wearing my hoodie and cheering on my team.
Back to School – Even though it may be stressful for some, back to school just puts me in a good mood. It just feels like a new beginning with new goals and dreams I have yet to accomplish. Plus, I love catching all the good back to school supplies deals.
The Apple Orchard – I have many fond memories of going to the apple orchard as a child and as an adult. As a child I can recall picking apples, eating doughnuts, going on hay rides and milking a goat. As an adult I can still recall picking apples, eating doughnuts and even accompanying preschoolers on field trips to the apple orchard.
Fall Vibes – For some reason I feel like here in Michigan, people are a lot happier in the fall than they are in the spring. It’s almost as if many of us Michiganaders enjoy the cool weather of fall right after a hot summer. Whereas we are slightly grumpy in the spring because we are still somewhat holding a grudge after the brutal winter we had just experienced.
I Met My Husband in the Fall – Someday I will likely share our love story, but for now I will share how we met. My husband and I met on September 4th, in Spanish class at our local community college. I was sitting at a table by myself in the front of the class, and he came to sit by me… and the rest is history.
My Wedding Anniversary – My Husband and I got married on November 12th , 2016. it was beautifully fall themed with doughtnut holes, apple cider, fall leaves, pumpkins… you name it, we had it. Fall is a very special time for us.
Thanks for reading my Top 10 Favorite Things About Fall! What are your favorite things about Fall?