After the weekend of finding out I was pregnant again, I called my OB office and asked if I could have my pregnancy confirmed. They said they were going to do a quantitative HCG level check to not only see if I’m pregnant but also see if my numbers were doubling.
Charles and I went to the lab after work and a few hours later I got my first set of results. While sitting on the couch I anxiously prayed and logged in to my account. As I scrolled and looked through my charts, I found my most recent test result. Before clicking the view result button, I prayed that what ever happens would happen. At that point in my life, I knew that I couldn’t control my circumstances but I had to trust and believe that God knew what he was doing.
When I opened my test results I was in shock. My HCG levels had already hit the 1,000’s and I was only 4 weeks. I couldn’t believe it. I cried. I danced around the living room and praised God for his love and his mercy.
The next day I received a call from an OB nurse. She said congratulations and that my doctor took a look at my labs, and everything looked great. She felt there was no need to have additional bloodwork done as my levels were in a great range. I asked the nurse a few questions and scheduled my first prenatal appointment. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement as I hung up the phone. It hit me all over again that I was pregnant.
Pregnancy dreams. Vivid pregnancy dreams of things that make sense and things that seem absolutely pointless. I’m only 4 weeks pregnant and I am having dreams about Covid, having another D & C, eating all the doughnut holes in the kitchen, spaghetti and other yummy food, chasing ducks through a thunderstorm and watching kitties play in mud puddles.
I get it. Vivid pregnancy dreams are often the cause of pregnancy hormones. If that’s the case then I’ll take them. Even though I’m starting to get morning sickness and even though my breasts hurt and I’m extremely tired; I am happy and so incredibly blessed.
At the end of April, I was feeling rather emotional and overwhelmed. Mother’s Day was quickly approaching and it was hard for me to not carry the grief and dread I was feeling about that particular holiday. As I thought about Mother’s Day, I thought about last year when Charles and I decided on Mother’s Day that we would try again for our rainbow baby.
Fast forward to the end of April 2021, and I was feeling defeated. We had been trying for about a year and absolutely no results. Negative test after negative tests. Period after period. I was due for my period on April 29th. I was feeling discouraged and tired of hoping. I finally told myself to stop. Stop getting my hopes up and stop getting excited. I tried convincing myself over and over that every little cramp, twinge, mood swing and hot flash was just my period coming.
When my period didn’t come on the 29th I figured, it’s just late this month. I have had cycles of up to 34 days. I continued trying to keep myself grounded and tell myself my period was coming.
The morning of April 30th, I had a really strange dream. I dreamt I lost my sense of taste and smell but no other symptoms. In my dream I was walking around a room to different foods and flowers while trying to smell them. I instantly woke up sweaty, agitated and gross. My alarm went off for work, and as much as I didn’t want to get up, I knew it was time to start the day… and at least it was a Friday.
I went to the bathroom, and I started to get excited that my period still hadn’t come. I then thought, what if I take a pregnancy test, and when it says Not Pregnant I can stop hoping. I’ll know my period will show up anytime.
I grabbed the last test I had under my bathroom sink. It was the more expensive digital kind. I knew that it would be the most reliable tool I had besides getting my period.
I took the test and waited.
In the moment of waiting I just kept thinking Not Pregnant, it’s going to say Not Pregnant and that’s okay. I’m bummed but at least I’ll know.
It was 4:30 in the morning. I checked the test after 2 minutes. I squinted my eyes at the word on the screen. I was still tired with sleepies in my eyes. I read the word. I read it again.
Pregnant… huh? Where’s the Not? It doesn’t say Not Pregnant. Is it broken? Does Not pop up later? I took a deep breath and wrapped my mind around my surprising reality. I’m pregnant. No way! I’m pregnant! In that moment it hit me and I sobbed with joy, and with hesitation. I praised God and thanked Him for this little blessing!
Hi friends! I thought I would reshare my Deep Fried Oreo Recipe because they are so dang good!
WHAT YOU NEED
Oreos (I used Oreo Thins but regular Oreos will work too)
Oil (olive oil, coconut oil or vegetable oil works)
Pancake Mix (Any brand will do, I used about 2 cups)
Vanilla Extract (1 tsp)
Milk (1 cup, or as much as you need to make the batter smooth and thin).
Powdered Sugar (a couple tsp)
WHAT YOU DO
First, mix the pancake batter, vanilla extract, egg and milk into a medium size bowl.
Next, place oil in a frying pan on a medium heat. Place enough oil to completely cover the bottom of the pan.
Once oil is heated in the pan, take your Oreos and dip them into the pancake batter. Then place Oreos in oil. After about a minute, flip Oreo to cook other side. Continue this process until you have enough Oreos of your choice.
Lastly, place Oreos on a plate and sprinkle some powdered sugar on top.
Friends, I’m not going to sugar coat it 😂. These Oreos are yummy but super rich and unhealthy. So don’t eat them all in one setting. Enjoy!
Dating Charles was better than I ever imagined. Even though neither of us drove at the time of our courtship, we still found ways to spend time together through the week and on weekends. During the week Charles and I would come to school early and leave later just so we could grab a bite, study and spend time together on campus. There were a variety of dates that I loved and will cherish forever, but here a few of my favorites.
Walking the Christmas Lights
For our first Christmas together, Charles and I walked the Christmas lights in the downtown of our city. It was chilly to be walking more than an hour outside, but it was absolutely thrilling to run through the 12 Days of Christmas, and dancing through candy canes to the Grinch song. At the end of the evening we bought some hot chocolate and got to know each other.
Sunday Afternoon Lunch at Clara’s
On a variety of Sundays, Charles and I would try finding a place to eat lunch after church. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of restaurants open on a Sunday afternoon in our downtown area. One restaurant that was always open was a classic restaurant on the river called Claras. We spent many Sunday afternoons going to Claras, splitting a plate of chicken wings and enjoying each other’s company.
The Air Show/ Carnival Date
Going to the air show/ carnival our first summer together was one of my favorite dates. We had so much fun browsing through the flea market, riding the Ferris wheel and playing carnival games. One memory I do have from that day was getting conned by a Carney, but hey I guess that’s part of the experience. We ended the evening eating chili fries, and watching the hot air balloons.
Swimming in the River
One day after work, I had about 5 hours to kill before my evening class. Charles suggested that we be spontaneous and find a place to go swimming. He told me to wear my swimsuit under my clothes and bring a towel. So after work we walked all around the city trying to find a place to go swimming. Our goal was to go swimming in the local river that ran through the city. However, we wanted to find a private, and quiet location to do this. We searched and searched for about 3 hours, walking probably 6 miles and arguing a majority of the time. I was tired, hot and just wanted to swim. Charles was determined to find the perfect spot for us. Eventually, after a long brutal walk, we found the perfect location. it was a cute little area off a sidewalk near the river and the woods. Once we arrived we couldn’t wait to jump in and cool off. After jumping in we quickly realized, we had made a terrible mistake… the river was dirty and smelled like dead fish. What was even worse was I didn’t have time to go back home and shower before my evening class. And it was my internship class, something I really couldn’t skip. So, I ended up going to class smelling like dead fish. Thankfully the windows were open and no one said anything. That night I called Charles and we laughed about the whole thing.
Chinese Food after Work
When we were dating, I was working at a childcare center. Behind the childcare center there was a delicious Chinese place that Charles and I loved going to. The best part about this restaurant was the buffet. We loved it.
Coney Island Breakfast
Some morning before work, and even some Saturday mornings we went to our local Coney Island. They had the best breakfast. It was the perfect little diner for us to talk, eat omelets and enjoy each other’s company.
Sometimes, Charles and I had the opportunity to babysit his nephews. Sometimes it was fun and sometimes it was slightly overwhelming. I really enjoyed watching Charles wrestle and have fun with the boys. Charles really enjoyed me getting to know his family.
Movie nights were probably my favorite and what we did most often. We spent a lot of time in my parent’s basement watching movies. Sometimes it was dramas or comedy’s, and sometimes it was classic Disney cartoons. I would usually end up falling asleep by the end of the movie, but we both still had a great time.
I wrote this post a year ago, and even though some time has passed since I wrote it, I still feel it is even more relevant today. ❤️
It’s Mother’s Day. This is the day we celebrate all the mothers. We celebrate the women In our lives who have raised us, nurtured us and taught us how to be good people in our society. We celebrate the women who showed us unconditional love from the very beginning. This day is meant to be a celebration, but to many… it is a somber holiday.
Being a mother is a very special role. It is one of, if not the hardest jobs there is. That being said not all mothers are the same. When you think of a mother you likely will think of biological moms, step moms, foster moms, moms who have adopted and grandmothers. But what about the other moms in this world? What about the women who hold a mothering role in a child’s life, such as an aunt, cousin, friend, teacher, or mentor. What about the moms who have lost a child, whether it was a pregnancy loss, neonatal loss or loss of a child at an older age?
ALL OF THESE WOMEN ARE JUST AS MUCH MOTHERS, AND HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN OUR SOCIETY AND IN A CHILD’S LIFE.
And let’s not forget all the women who want to be mothers. These women may struggle with infertility, illness, are choosing not to have children at this time in their life or suffer from recurrent miscarriages. These women are as much mothers to our society and to children in our world, just in a different way.
This mother’s day is also different as the Covid-19 pandemic has prevented some children from seeing and celebrating their mother’s today. It almost seems as if there is a grief in the air just from the pandemic. I feel that in it self has made this holiday especially somber this year.
Even though this is a holiday to celebrate all the mothers, it is sometimes a somber holiday for those who have lost a child, who are unable to have children, or who have lost their mothers. If you are reading this, and you have lost your mother, lost a child or are unable to have children, I just want to say… I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry this holiday brings up emotions of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety and dread. I’m sorry for the atmosphere of loneliness you feel on this holiday. I want to remind you though that you are not alone. Yes, your experience is yours, but their are so many of us who too have experienced that loss.
THERE ARE SO MANY OF US WHO HAVE FELT THE PAIN THAT CAN BE EXPERIENCED IN THIS LIFE, EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT.
So today, not only are we celebrating all the traditional mother’s out there, but we are remembering the mothers who have faced loss and heartache as well. I can tell you first hand, this day is not easy, but when the grief and loneliness become too much, remember to take care of you. Don’t have high expectations on yourself. Give yourself grace and love. Order food in, eat some chocolate, take a bubble bath, binge watch a comedy series, or stay in your PJs. Happy or not this day is about you and the love you’ve shared.
Today I will be taking it easy and remembering my babies I’ve lost because even though it hurts, they made me a mom. When the grief gets to be too much today, I will remember that I am not any less a mom because my babies are in Heaven.
I will end with this. It’s Mother’s Day, happy or not this is the day we celebrate and remember all mothers and to all the women who share that role. Thank you for all that you do and love that you’ve shared. I will be thinking of you today.
This week is one of my favorite weeks of the year. It’s Teacher Appreciation week! Teacher Appreciation week is when children, families and the community take time out to thank teachers.
Since it’s Teacher Appreciation week, I thought I would share the many reasons why I love being a teacher.
1. I get to teach the next generation. Do you know what a privilege it is to teach and inspire those who will one day change the world? It is the best feeling and I am so honored.
2. I get to have 20+ new friends every year. Some times I don’t feel like I’m just a teacher. I’m also a nurse, referee, therapist, coach, substitute mommy, chef and so much more. I get to see these kiddies everyday for 8 hours a day. I love it!
3. Being a teacher helps my baby fever. I want to have my own kids so badly. But for now, I have the privilege to love on and care for the kids in my class as if they were my own.
I could keep writing reasons why I love being a teacher, but it could go on for hours, so I think I’ll stop there. I do want to remind everyone very quickly to thank a teacher this week! Teachers are amazing. We don’t become teachers for the money. We become teachers for the kids. So, thank a teacher!
This past week, I was able to enjoy a vacation/staycation that allowed me to rest and refresh, get some home/miscellaneous tasks done as well as focus on my writing. Here is a little update of all my writing projects:
Memoir – I am in process of preparing my book to be sent to editors, and excited to read through and focus on the third and final draft.
Self Care Book for Teachers – I have put this book on hold for the moment as I want to focus on other projects that are almost completed. But I will be starting to work on it again very soon.
My 2nd Children’s Book – I started the illustrations and work on the plot this past week and I am getting very excited about how it is coming together! Above is a sneak peek! I can’t wait to reveal my newest project very soon!
About three weeks ago, I was on Pinterest, and I stumbled across a video about how to grow an avocado tree from an avocado pit. It looked easy, so I decided to give it a try.
First, I gathered up a few avocado pits I had from an avocado and tuna fish sandwich the day before.
Then I peeled the skin off each pit.
Next, I got a paper towel for each pit and made them very damp. Then I wrapped the paper towel around each pit.
Once they were all wrapped, I placed each pit in a ziplock bag and sealed them tight.
Then, I taped each bag to my sliding door. At this point in the planting process the avocado pits don’t need sunlight. But I still hung them up just so I wouldn’t forget about them and they’d be near my other plants.
Fast forward to 2 and a half weeks later and I checked on my avocado pits.
One pit had finally cracked and sprouted a root! I was beyond excited. It was then time to place it in a full vase of water.
At first I used tooth picks to support my pit, but the tooth pics just ended up sliding, causing the pit to sink to the bottom of the vase. I then tried a rubber band, and plastic wrap.
About three days later I checked on my other avocado pits. One avocado pit has also opened and sprouted a root. The last pit had shown no growth so I figured it was a dud.
And there ya go, two successful avocado pits have sprouted and have successfully been transferred into water. Stayed tuned for more updates on my planting this season. I will be giving more updates in the coming weeks!
This past year, and actually since starting my blog I have developed various goals for myself that are a mixture of personal and professional goals. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that each year I create goals that I hope to accomplish by New Year’s Eve and a Summer Bucket List of goals I hope to accomplish in the summer. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then head over to my blog post….
One goal I am trying so incredibly hard to accomplish is writing and publishing my memoir. My memoir was an idea that first came to light the day after my second miscarriage, in September of 2019. After suffering my first loss, I felt led to start a blog… this blog in fact :). After my second loss, I realized there was more to my story and my grief that needed to be done. I realized that I have a gift of writing and since suffering two losses, though it was devastating… my circumstances had then given me the chance to expand my story and share with others my story, in order to help women like me. My circumstances, my grief and my passion is what drove me to write my book.
I have officially written the first draft of my book and currently working on the second. It’s small, raw, detailed, sad, but powerful… and I’m very proud of it.
I will be keeping you all updated as I continue to make the final touches to my book and begin the self publishing process!
On Monday November 3rd, I was a mixture of anxious and excited to see Charles. Everything in me had hopes that Charles was feeling the same way I was, and wanted to start a romantic relationship. But there was still a small part of me that feared that he just wanted to be friends.
After my first class Monday morning, I met up with Charles in the main hallway of our community college. Seeing Charles with a huge smile on his face gave me immense butterflies. I was falling in love with him minute by minute.
We sat down in the student center and discussed everything that we had already talked about over the weekend. We talked about any previous relationships we had had, what we wanted out of a romantic relationship and our intentions. We discussed boundaries, values, expectations a potential timeline and anything and everything in between. We then decided to take a day to think about everything we discussed as well as pray about it, before moving forward and officially start dating.
On Tuesday November 4th, Charles and I met in the cafe of our community college before Spanish class. Charles asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we officially entered into a courtship (dating with the intention of marriage). We decided we did not want to rush things. We didn’t want to immediately say I Love You, hold hands or be too close. We also wanted to save our first kiss for if and when we got married. Together we decided we wanted to use this time to get to know each other, grow closer to God and be the best people we could be in school, in our families and in our relationship.
After we made it official, we gave each other a hug, took a selfie, bought two frappes and walked to Spanish completely head over heels.
About two weeks later, Charles invited me to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. Even though it was casual, I was very nervous for this family gathering. I decided to bring a plate of brownies to the meal, in hopes that it would help to make a good first impression to his family.
Charles was living at his Pastor’s house at the time we started dating. When I arrived and met his pastor, I instantly felt welcomed and at home. Throughout the day I was also able to meet his nieces and nephews as well as his sister and other close family friends.
At this family gathering, I was able to get a little taste of an old fashioned southern Thanksgiving. The food was amazing. There was fried chicken, turkey, ham, cabbage, black eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, corn, and mashed potatoes. It was amazing. The best part of the day was his nieces and nephews. My brownies were a huge hit with his family and even one of his nephews said they were “divine”
Celebrating our first holiday together was a lot of fun, and definitely one for the books.