Reblog: Things to Say and Do After a Woman Has Had a Miscarriage

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As many of you know I have experienced two losses and now our Rainbow Baby is on the way. Because of this I would like to share some resources I created at the time I was going through my losses in 2019.

1. THE BEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY IS “I LOVE YOU, I’M HERE FOR YOU, AND I’M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS”

Wouldn’t you agree that after someone dies, there’s not really much of anything that people can say to take the pain away. Even though people don’t like to see you hurt, they also don’t know what to say. And when it comes to experiencing a miscarriage, people really don’t know what to say. They can see your grieving, but they don’t feel the loss nearly as deeply because they didn’t meet or have a bond with the life that was once inside you. Unfortunately, our society does not know how to treat miscarriage as a loss or death.

When I was grieving and at my worst, people didn’t know what to say to me either. There were people who said a lot of the wrong things, and there were a lot of people who just left me alone. But the best things people said to me that were not hurtful, did not offer unsolicited advice, and were sensitive were: “I love you, I’m here for you, I’m sorry for your loss, if you ever want to talk let me know, I’m thinking about you and I’m praying for you.”

2. OFFERING TO CLEAN, COOK AND RUN ERRANDS.

You know how when someone dies, people make you food? Well, I really appreciated this. I don’t know why food is such a comfort, but it is. It seems that when people don’t know what to say they make food. I had a neighbor make dinner for my husband and I, a yummy dish from the Dominican… it was amazing. Our associate pastor and his wife made us chicken, green beans and potatoes…. so good. My sister in law, who worked all day invited us over and made us a feast! Bless her heart. And my Momma provided me with lots of comfort food when I was recovering from surgery. Food doesn’t make everything better, but in that moment of grief when you need something to numb it for awhile, food helps.

3. PAMPERING THE ANGEL MOMMY

Being pampered by friends and family helped me in many ways. My momma bought me a massage right before Mother’s Day. I had no idea how badly I needed it, until my tears and emotions came out all over the table. My husband went out and bought me chicken wings at midnight when I was having a really emotional night and couldn’t sleep. My bestie Alli came over in the middle of the night and we drove all over town eating Oreos. So many people did kind things for me, when I needed it most, I highly recommend this. Of course I also would recommend proceeding with caution and sensitivity.

4. PROVIDING SPACE TO THE GRIEVING COUPLE

I feel this is super important. The Momma is not the only one that experiences a pregnancy loss. Sure, she is the only one that experiences the physical pain of loss, but it’s also important to remember that father’s grieve too. I know of many men, my husband included who not only struggle to help their wives grieve, but also felt somewhat disregarded when it came to their grief and emotions. So, it is super important to allow the grieving couple time and space. Even recommending a getaway could be beneficial… but again proceed with caution.

5. CHECK IN

Hearing the worst news, that your baby is gone is heartbreaking. It honestly numbs you. Looking back now, I barely remember the time in between my ultrasound and my surgery, and the whole month of March is a blur. I do remember laying in bed a lot, eating occasionally, crying until my head hurt and listening to sad music. I also remember having people check in. It’s something I would have never asked for, but truly appreciated. I had friends and family call and text me daily just to check in and make sure I was alive. So many of them opened the doors for communication and gave encouraging words to my tender broken heart. I highly recommend checking in on a friend or loved one if they have suffered a loss. It’s not much, but also not to pushy. Even if they don’t respond it is still nice that people care for you when you are feeling so alone, Sure, there were many times I didn’t want to talk, but I still loved that so many people cared. ❤️

6. BE SENSITIVE WITH YOUR WORDS

This is a big one… and I can’t stress this enough. Please be very careful with your words. After suffering a loss your mind and your heart are in a truly fragile state. It is likely that the grieving mother is heart broken, constantly blaming herself and hating life. So, it is truly important not to contribute to these emotions of anger and sorrow by saying things like “You’re young you’ll have more, or You shouldn’t have stressed yourself out so much, or at least you already have a baby.”

7. HONORING THEIR LOSS

Above anything else I’ve said, I think this is actually the most important. One of the biggest fears that I and so many moms have, is that the child they have lost will be forgotten, as if that little life that lived in them had never existed. It means the world to me when friends and family talk about my baby. It may make me sad and weepy, but also makes me feel loved and my baby never forgotten. I really appreciate it when friends and family are sensitive and saying they are thinking of me on holidays and anniversaries, because they know it’s not going to be an easy day for me. Showing love and honoring the baby’s memory is literally the best thing you can do to help a woman after a miscarriage.


I am not an expert or doctor in anyway, just a woman, a writer and a woman who has lost a baby. I hope these little pieces of advice help in some way. If you are reading this and you have suffered an unimaginable lost, I just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss, reach out to me anytime.

28 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Third Trimester)

Hello Third Trimester, and Goodbye Feet! We are in the final stretch! 28 weeks pregnant, and baby is the size of an eggplant! Only 12 more weeks to go… if baby decides to come on time. 🙂


These last few weeks have been crazy with Braxton Hicks really kicking in, getting diagnosed with GD and my apartment being taken over by baby items. Never the less we are so incredibly blessed!

This week I have two appointments, one with a dietitian about my gestational diabetes and one check in with my midwife.


This is our rainbow baby for whom we prayed for, cried over and waited on. As we get closer and closer to our due date, I feel myself getting more anxious for the birth and what raising this little miracle will be like.


I know I am beyond blessed for making it this far in my pregnancy and I don’t want to take that for granted, but at times I do struggle to appreciate what I have and what could be.


I know as someone who has struggled with recurrent miscarriages, trying to conceive and endometriosis that it’s hard to see others on their pregnancy journey. I also know the fear and anxiety of being pregnant after a loss. Please know you’re not alone. I see you. I hear you. I am you. If you ever need to talk I’m here. If you need encouragement I’m here. If you need a hug I’m here. 💕

A Very Long Day…

On Thursday, October 7th I hit 27 weeks. My very last week of the second trimester. I was already starting to feel really pregnant. I went to work that morning tired and sore from Braxton Hicks and possibly some small contractions earlier in the week. When I walked in the door, my boss notified me that we had some extra people and she said I could go home early that day if I wanted. I decided to listen to my body and take the opportunity to go home. So for the rest of the day I napped and relaxed.

Later that evening I started feeling very uncomfortable. My bump felt tight like Braxton Hicks, but I felt pain under and around my bump, I also felt some pain in my pelvis. I tried to just ignore this sensation and sleep it off. Rest didn’t really help and it was hard for me to get comfortable. After a few hours of this pain coming and going, I decided to call Labor and Delivery to see what they say. After everything I told them, they said I needed to come in and get checked out.

Charles and I headed to Labor and Delivery at 1:30am. I texted Alli and let her know what was going on since she is my second support person for birth. Alli headed to the hospital too. When we got there they took my vitals, asked me questions, I gave them a urine sample and they hooked up the baby heart monitors.

After the initial check in it was a lot of just sit and wait. Baby’s heart rate was anywhere between 139-150. They didn’t see any contractions on the monitor, and no sort of infection was seen from my urine. Around 3 the midwife came in to talk to us. And she said the pain could be a variety of things: Braxton Hicks, baby sitting on a nerve, baby growing, round ligament pain and lightning crotch. But we never fully determined what it was.

The nurses gave me some Tylenol and ice to see if that helped, and after about a half hour I was 100% better. I was released around 3:45-4pm. We headed home to get a little more sleep before my normal OB appointment in a few hours at 7am.


I went to my OB appointment at 7am. I discussed a variety of things including Braxton Hicks, work restrictions, breast pump, anxiety, and my 1 hour glucose test. The midwife measured my uterus and I was measuring at 27 cm. Right on track! Baby’s heart rate was also great between 139-145.

After my appointment I headed to the lab to complete my 3 hour glucose test. By this point in the morning I was starting to feel very sick as I had been awake off and on throughout the night and I had been fasting since 10pm. The test wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t wonderful either. I had to have a blood draw before the test, and every hour throughout. With each blood draw I felt more and more nauseated. It felt like time dragged on, and I was so glad once it was over.

I got done with the test around 11:30 and headed home. I ate some pizza, felt a little better and headed to work at 12:30. Before going in to work I received my glucose test results. To my disappointment, I again failed my glucose test. When I got to work I gave the admin team a note from my doctor stating I couldn’t work over 40 hours a week. I

I worked 12:30-6 and as I dragged my feet at the end of my shift I was done. It had been a very long day. When I got home, and got out of the car I looked up at the sky. In between glimmers of sunshine and rain clouds I spotted a beautiful rainbow. My day did not go as planned, but I was definitely being taken care of. Seeing the rainbow gave me hope. Hope for my current circumstances, hope for the future and hope for the rainbow baby I was carrying. 🌈

27 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

27 weeks! Baby is the size of a head of lettuce! This is our last week of the second trimester, and then we are in the final stretch!

This week’s symptoms include Braxton Hicks, leg cramps, swollen feet, back pain, fatigue, hot flashes, strong and unpredictable emotions, round ligament pain, heartburn and baby kicks!

This week we had a little bit of a scare. While working on Monday I started feeling some minor contractions. I felt tightness across my belly, and pain around and under my bump.

I called into work the next day and talked to a nurse at my OB office. She said from what I was describing, it sounded more like the beginning of contractions verses Braxton Hicks. She told me it was a good sign that the pain went away with rest.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB to discuss any restrictions I may need so I don’t start getting contractions too early again. I am also having just a regular check for me and baby.

After my appointment I have to take the 3 hour glucose test, because I failed the 1 hour last week. I’m praying everything is okay and baby and I continue to stay healthy.

26 Weeks Pregnant! Third Pregnancy/Second Trimester

26 weeks pregnant and 14 weeks to go! This week baby is the size of a bushel of Kale!

This week’s symptoms include fatigue, hunger and cravings, heart palpitations, lots of baby kicks, round ligament pain, swelling feet, Braxton Hicks, slight leg cramps, and some intense emotions.

The day after I hit 26 weeks, I went and had some blood work done. I had a normal check of CBC as well as the second trimester glucose test. Unfortunately, I failed my glucose test and will now have to go in for the 3 hour glucose test some time next week. I am also slightly anemic. I’m not entirely sure what all of this means, but I am hoping that my doctor will get in touch with me very soon and offer me some guidance.

On a better note, I have an OB appointment coming up this week as well as a virtual Baby Book Shower! I am slowly but surely getting what I need for Baby Boy! My birth plan is written and ready to go, and I plan to start on my hospital bag this week!

26 weeks, here we go! 💙

25 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

25 Weeks pregnant, and baby boy is the size of a head of cauliflower. 15 weeks to go and 3 weeks until the third trimester!

This week’s symptoms include heartburn, fatigue, anxiety, gas and bloating, frequent urination, swelling feet, Braxton Hicks, colostrum and some dry skin.

My next appointment isn’t until October 8th, and after that I will start being seen every two weeks. I also still need to have some blood work done, and do my glucose test.

This week has been full of ups and downs, between working long hours, and grieving for a friend who suffered a loss. It’s been hard for me to enjoy my pregnancy when I see my friend going through so much pain and heartache. But it also encourages me to hold my rainbow baby belly a little closer and cherish my angel babies. I try to tell myself to breathe, and to just count my blessings. Don’t take life and every little moment for granted. ❤️

24 Weeks Pregnant (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

24 Weeks! 💕
168 Days
6 months pregnant with 4 months to go!
Baby is the size of a Cantaloupe.


Everyday, every hour and every moment is a blessing.
I have back pain, fatigue, constant hunger, Braxton Hicks, the constant urge to pee, round ligament pain and other dailly body aches. But you know what else? Everyday I feel little baby kicks and wiggles, I experience joy when I am gifted fun baby supplies, and I fall more and more in love with every ultrasound as I get to see my beautiful Baby Boy. It’s all worth it. All of it. I still have my fears and anxieties of course, but I try not to let that steal my joy. I am so incredibly in love with this baby, and I can’t wait to meet him in January. 💙💙💙💙💙

23 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

23 Weeks! Baby is the size of a Grapefruit! Both Mommy and Baby are doing well!

We had a OB check up on Friday and everything is looking good. Baby Boy’s heart rate was 135, and he was just chilling at the appointment since he was up all night kicking mommy. My uterus was measured and since I am 23 weeks, they were wanting the measurements to be between 21 and 25 cm. My uterus was measuring at 22 cm so everything is on track. I’ve also gained 6 lbs since my last appointment 5 weeks ago. So, I now weigh the same amount I did when I got pregnant and have gained back what I lost in the first trimester. Later in the appointment we discussed that I’m fully vaccinated, have been and will likely continue experiencing Braxton Hicks, and what signs to look for if I feel I may be going into labor.

At 23 weeks, this week’s symptoms include hot flashes, shortness of breath, round ligament pain, fatigue, hunger and cravings, baby movements everyday, slight swelling in my feet, and the start of some stretch marks.

Pregnancy is starting to go by very quickly. I’m excited but also feeling a little overwhelmed as I try to get what I can done and ready for baby.

Baby Boy Clothes Haul

Alright friends, so originally I was going to do just a huge blog post of all the baby items I have accumulated so far. However I am realizing that that is going to be a really, really, really long post. So I guess I will just make some different posts based on categories. This blog post is going to specifically be centered around Baby Boy clothes.

I have bought a handful of clearance onesies from Target, Meijer and thrift stores. But I have also been gifted a handful of onesies/sleepers as well.

A majority of brands I have in baby clothes are Gerber and Carter, which I hear are great.

Baby Boy already has a lot of Dino stuff. To be frankly honest, I never really liked dinos until I found out I was having a boy. Now I can’t get enough!

I am trying to have a variety of gender neutral and gender specific clothes.

A gift from Grandma!

Also a gift from Grandma. It’s an 18 month Jean jacket but I seriously can’t wait to see our little man in it! 💕

These were a gift from Great Grandma, and I love them because they will likely match baby’s nursery theme of In the Jungle/At the Zoo!

Another gift from Grandma! Since we are having a winter baby, I thought it would be a good idea to stock up on some sleepers.

More dinos and a gift from my coworker!

So cute!

This is a gift from my bestie Alli. 💕

This is just something I picked up as I thought the sharks were adorable!

This is an outfit my brother and I wore as babies and I can’t wait for my baby to wear it too!

Here is just a glimpse of the variety of hats and socks that have been bought/made for baby boy!

This little outfit is what we picked out as Baby Boy’s going home from the hospital outfit. 💕

Well, that is it for now. I do have much more clothes and baby stuff but I will be sharing that in more blog posts down the line. Getting baby clothes and actually envisioning baby someday wearing these clothes is making it all feel so real. ❤️

22 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

22 Weeks!!! Baby is the size of a coconut 🥥 and the count down begins with only 18 weeks to go!

This week’s symptoms include heartburn, fatigue, increased hunger and thirst, moodiness, slight back pain, round ligament pain, Braxton Hicks, body aches, vivid dreams, colostrum and cravings.

No prenatal appointments until I hit 23 weeks. Soon my appointments will be increasing to twice a month.

Still in the process of nesting, cleaning and organizing. Part of me feels like I have plenty of time while another part of me feels like baby could come home tomorrow.

Also, we have decided on a name, but I won’t be sharing it for awhile. 🤫

22 weeks, here we go!!!

21 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

21 weeks, and only 7 weeks until the third trimester! Crazy how this pregnancy is starting to fly by. This week, baby is the size of a endive. I asked a few people what an endive is, and I guess it’s just like a fancy lettuce.

This week’s symptoms include cravings, increased hunger, fatigue, round ligament pain, overall aches and pain, headaches, colostrum and minor sciatica.

This week I have been able to feel baby boy move more and more. His flutters, and taps at 16 weeks have turned into nudges and kicks this week.

Soon I will be doing a quick baby haul and show you a few things I have bought and received for baby boy! 💙

Gender Reveal!/ 20 Week Anatomy Scan

On Thursday August 19th, Charles and I had a very special appointment. I was officially 20 weeks pregnant, and we were scheduled for our anatomy scan that afternoon. Before our appointment I asked many of our friends, family and coworkers what they thought baby was. I would say about 80% of people were guessing girl. Charles’ guess was he wasn’t really sure. From the very beginning I have thought that we are having a boy. However, within the last few weeks I was suspecting that we may be having a girl. Either way Charles and I were going to be thrilled with whatever the gender of our baby would be.

Before the anatomy scan, I was a nervous wreck. I tried to stay calm, pray and reassure myself that baby was just fine. We waited in the waiting room for about 20 minutes before getting called back.

Before starting the scan, the tech told us she would be looking at all of baby’s organs. She explained that she was allowed to tell us the gender if we wanted to know, and all the organs that she was taking pictures of. However, she was not allowed to tell us if she found anything normal or abnormal. After she was finished she would write up her report and give it to the doctor. The doctor would then come in, go over the report and do an additional scan.

The tech tried looking at the gender first since Charles and I had both decided we really wanted to know what we were having. However, baby was being slightly stubborn and sitting criss cross so it was very difficult to see baby’s genitalia. The tech decided to come back in a few minutes and see if baby decided to move.

The tech took pictures of the heart, stomach, bladder, kidneys, diaphragm, and brain. She then went back to see if she could determine baby’s gender. Baby was still sitting cross legged. The tech waited a moment, and the baby started to move it’s legs a little. The tech was then able to get a quick pic. She froze the screen and said “Oh wait, do you see what I’m seeing?” I said no because I had no idea what I was looking at. She then drew an arrow, and said “What do you think this is right here?” Charles and I looked at each other and said we weren’t sure. The tech then said “You’re having a boy, congratulations!” Charles and I were over joyed. A baby boy, and we couldn’t believe it.

Throughout the anatomy scan, I was slightly uncomfortable. It was very difficult to lay on my back as it makes me dizzy and have a headache. The tech allowed me to lay on my side to help relieve the back pain. I also had a full bladder that made my back pain worse, and the pushing of the probe very uncomfortable. After the 45 minute scan I was able to go to the bathroom and rest on my side. The tech left and said the doctor would be in shortly.

When the doctor came in, I held my breath. I was afraid of what the tech might have found. The doctor introduced himself and said the tech didn’t find anything abnormal. And the tech is usually right but it doesn’t hurt to have a second opinion. The doctor confirmed that baby is definitely a boy. Baby weighs approximately 12 oz. and in the 62nd percentile. Baby Boy’s heart rate was 143 and looked completely healthy. Charles and I felt so relieved that our baby was doing just fine.

After getting a burger and fries, Charles and I headed home. We called my parents and grandma and told them we are having a bouncing baby boy. We then ate our food, and put together a cute little gender reveal for social media. I shared with others that baby is healthy and that we would be revealing the gender at 7pm.

Before 7, I texted some close friends and family and told them we were having a boy. And at 7pm we made our big announcement and shared that Baby Rhames is a Boy and posted the picture above. People were shocked but very excited for us.

I am so thrilled to be a Boy Mom! Boys are just goofy, and energized and something else. I can’t wait to snuggle my baby bear, and raise him up to be a polite gentlemen. 💙

20 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

Whoa! We’re half way there! 🎶 Officially 20 weeks, baby is the size of a banana! 🍌

This week has been super exciting for many reasons. Not only has nesting officially kicked in, but we also had our anatomy scan and found out baby’s gender! I will be revealing that in my next blog post!

This week’s symptoms include heartburn, cravings, increased hunger, fatigue, mood swings, slight back pain, slight feet swelling, insomnia, colostrum and itchiness around my breasts and naval.

Baby is still moving around and having a ball in my tummy! Baby is mostly active in the evenings and at night. 🌙

I feel like in many ways this pregnancy has been super fast and super slow. So far I already have a bouncer, car seat, stroller, and high chair. I’m hoping to order my pack and play this week!

20 weeks down and 20 weeks to go! 💪

19 Weeks Pregnant! (Third Pregnancy/ Second Trimester)

19 weeks pregnant! Baby is the size of a mango!!! 🥭 I can’t believe I’m almost half way there!!!

This week’s symptoms include increased hunger, fatigue, sore hips, round ligament pain, ranging emotions, and a little bit of spotting.

Between 18 and 19 weeks I received my first dose of the Covid vaccine. Coming to this decision wasn’t easy but I decided to get it for a couple reasons.

1) I know I am high risk because I am pregnant and want to avoid as many complications as I can.

2) When I am giving birth, it will not only be flu season, but Covid will still be present and I want to build up my immune system as best I can, especially when I am in the hospital and the most at risk.

3) I wanted to have a fighting chance. I know getting the vaccine doesn’t mean I won’t ever get Covid, but if I do get Covid, I want to have a fighting chance and still be here for my baby.


At 18 weeks pregnant I had an episode of spotting. At 19 weeks pregnant I had another episode of spotting and some cramping. I called my doctor and they asked me to come in and get checked out.

At the appointment they first checked baby. Baby decided to move around every time the nurse pushed on my belly. As she pressed the Doppler on my belly, she caught the heartbeat for only a minute. Baby’s heart rate was 145. After that, baby decided to be a stinker and hide behind my placenta. 😂

The nurse reassured me that baby was fine, and I likely just have a fragile cervix. This just basically means I am more likely to spot after a pelvic exam, intercourse, heavy lifting, etc. She encouraged me just to take it easy through my pregnancy. And as far as the cramping, it’s likely a combination of my uterus growing and baby pressing on my bladder.

This week I am very excited because when I hit 20 weeks, we will be having our anatomy scan! I can’t wait to find out if Baby Rhames is a Boy or Girl!!!

Post Written 8/13/21