It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

It’s okay to not be okay… and today I am not okay. A year ago today I was happy. I went to a doctor appointment that I thought would leave me joyous and thankful. Instead it left me with every emotion imaginable, and this is when my grief first began. I was 11 weeks pregnant.Continue reading “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay”

Unwanted Reminders

In the beginning of September, I was in a funk. Part of me was depressed and anxious as my “what would have been due date” was approaching…. While other parts of me, was excited for a new beginning. I was excited to start school again. I was excited to continue getting healthier and start ourContinue reading “Unwanted Reminders”

Making Peace with God

So I’m gonna be honest… I have been dreading writing this post. It’s not because it’s hard, I’m lazy or I just don’t want to talk about being restored in Jesus. I mostly think, my hesitation for writing this post is because I am so humbled and gracious for all God has provided for me.Continue reading “Making Peace with God”

Abortion: A Topic That is Triggering to Women Who Have Miscarried

With all the talk of abortion lately… I decided to write this post. I was quite hesitant in that this topic is so controversial. Now my intention is not to turn this post into a debate or to push my views on to other people. My goal for this post is to simply offer aContinue reading “Abortion: A Topic That is Triggering to Women Who Have Miscarried”

The People Who Reached Out to Me

The days, weeks and even months after we lost our baby; I had many people reach out to us and show us support. The topic of miscarriage is such a taboo topic. People don’t know how to talk about it. People don’t know how to handle it. It’s sad, especially since it’s so common. IContinue reading “The People Who Reached Out to Me”

Presenting on Trauma

On Monday April 1st, I had to give a presentation on trauma on the brain for my internship. I originally picked this topic when I transferred to my new internship site. The topic of trauma and how it affects the brain and development really interests me. I spent a lot of time working on thisContinue reading “Presenting on Trauma”

One Month Later…

The last week of March wasn’t easy. I didn’t realize it until later, but since the month of February only has 28 days, the month of February as well as March fall on the exact same days of the week. For instance I had my ultrasound and was given the worst news of my lifeContinue reading “One Month Later…”

Cutting Ties

The interesting thing about trauma, is we lose control. An absolute terrible event occurs and we are powerless with no way to stop it. Trauma effects everyone differently depending on what the event is and how we as people react. My personal trauma of suffering a miscarriage affected me in a very emotional way. IContinue reading “Cutting Ties”

Returning to the OBGYN’s Office

On Wednesday March 20th, I had my follow up appointment with my OBGYN. I had nothing else planned that day except spending time with my mom. Since Charles still had class in the afternoon, my mom went with me to my appointment. I was slightly nervous for this appointment as I often still became emotionalContinue reading “Returning to the OBGYN’s Office”

The Birthstone Ring

On Saturday March 16th, I was still doing my best to rest and recover from surgery. By now I had noticed a drastic drop in my pregnancy symptoms including losing my strong sense of smell and my gagging reflex. I still felt bloated and fatigued but not nearly as much as before. On this day,Continue reading “The Birthstone Ring”

The Effects of Miscarriage on My Marriage

After Charles returned from Washington D.C. and I returned home… things were different. Since I hadn’t seen Charles since the day before my procedure, I guess I didn’t really know what to do or say. Sure, we had talked on the phone and stuff… but it still seemed awkward to talk in person after somethingContinue reading “The Effects of Miscarriage on My Marriage”

The Hurtful Things People Say… and What NOT to Say After a Woman has a Miscarriage

When Charles and I shared the news with people that we had lost our baby, we had a variety of many different reactions. A majority of people meant well, however that didn’t make their words hurt any less. Miscarriage is a trauma, and unfortunately our society doesn’t fully understand how to help people who haveContinue reading “The Hurtful Things People Say… and What NOT to Say After a Woman has a Miscarriage”

Why?

I remember being rolled to the recovery room. I remember not feeling any physical pain. I remember thinking the lights were way too bright. I remember feeling really confused, not sure where I was or why I felt so incredibly out of it. Then… I remembered everything. Bargaining I felt the weight of my brokenContinue reading “Why?”

The Hours Leading Up to My Procedure…

On our way home from the hospital, we stopped at the pharmacy to get my pain med prescription filled. Despite the fact I had had a shot for my pain less the three hours prior, I was still in some pain and discomfort. It wasn’t as bad sitting down, but if I had to standContinue reading “The Hours Leading Up to My Procedure…”

The Worst Pain

I hoped and prayed I would never have to go through this. The pain I’ve experienced in the past two days has been hell. A miscarriage and losing a child is something I would never wish. There are moments I try holding my head up, acting like all is well. And then there are moments,Continue reading “The Worst Pain”