Another Negative

I have tossed around the idea of posting this photo. I have contemplated if I should even write a blog post about this particular topic as it is so incredibly personal. I have weighed the pros and cons of this post and decided on this. On my blog I have always been real and raw when it comes to my life, my challenges and my grief. Over the last twoish years I have shared the details of my grief and miscarriages because it not only helped me heal and process the trauma of that season in my life, but I knew one day my story could help someone else. Therefore, if I share my stories of pregnancy loss, then I can also share my challenges of trying to concieve and start a family.

Last May around Mother’s Day, Charles and I decided we again wanted to try and start a family. It had been 8 months since our second miscarriage and though I don’t think we can ever fully heal from a loss such as this, we both have gained a lot of growth, wisdom and strength from suffering two losses. So in May we decided to start trying again.

When deciding to try again, we discussed how we did not want to obsess over trying to get pregnant. Rather we were just going to allow what ever happen to happen. I wasn’t going to track my temp or track my ovulation. We decided we were going to try and live our lives and allow God to move when He sees fit.

In September, after 4 months of trying and no luck, Charles and I looked into adoption. The desire to become parents in the last few years has grown so strong, and we both love the idea of conceiving our own healthy baby, or adopting a child. Since September we have continued to research the option of adoption and have found there are a few steps we would need to complete before going any further. So in some ways we are at a stand still.

This past month we reached 6 months of trying. And I was convinced that I was pregnant. I was super hungry, tired, had a cold, emotional, my boobs hurt, my hips hurt, I had some cramping that was different than my normal period cramping, headaches and I was three days late. I hoped and prayed that I was pregnant as it would have been a sweet ending to a crazy year. But that wasn’t the case. Another negative yet again.

The day I took the test I was down, defeated and devastated. But as I write this over a week later, I realize that it was for the best. I don’t know why, but I know it wasn’t meant to be right now. Since my second miscarriage I have asked God to please not let me get pregnant unless I am pregnant with a healthy baby. And so, since getting another negative I look at it that way. As much as not getting pregnant right now is hard, it’s not as devastating for me as it would be to lose another baby.

I keep thinking God just wants me to do more, before having kids. Maybe that’s publishing my memoir. Maybe that’s moving up at my job. Maybe it’s making money through my blog. And maybe it’s just sharing my story with all of you. I don’t know the reason. But I know that I’m not in control. As scary as it is, I want to have a baby. I want to be a mom to a baby here on earth. But I know that if that stick had two lines, I would have been happy, but not excited.

When you’ve suffered a loss, getting pregnant again feels different. Since you’ve already had the worst happen, you’re extra cautious and it’s always in the back of your mind. Is it going to happen again? Am I going to lose this pregnancy? Will this be a healthy baby? Only God knows the answers to those questions. And only time will tell what’s in store for us.

For now, I am going to do my best to keep living my life, teaching preschoolers, loving my family, writing, and appreciating the little things. ❤️

Grief & Mercy 4th Blog Post Round Up

It is time again for another blog post round up! The following are a list of recent blog posts that were not only popular but also a favorite to myself and many of my readers.

My Kitchen Reveal!

In late March, my husband and I moved to our new apartment right at the beginning of the Corona virus Pandemic. It was crazy, quick and overwhelming. Regardless of how we got here, we absolutely love our new home. Check out my kitchen reveal post to see how I decorated our kitchen.

New Edition to the Family!

As many of you know, we did add a new edition to our family this year, and his name is Rocky. He is a gray, long haired domestic tabby. He is super smart, hilarious, and sassy. We love him so much and are so glad we adopted him.

Deep Fried Pickles Recipe

Since graduating from college, I have found myself in the kitchen more often. Part of this is because I have more time to cook, and it is also because I no longer have the luxury of eating meals at the dining hall. Check out my Deep Fried Pickles recipe, and other recipes I will be sharing this month.

What’s My Why?

What’s my why? This is a question that many influencers ask themselves. What’s the reason I write a blog? What’s the reason I advocate for this important cause? What’s the reason I do what I do every single day? This blog post talks all about why I do what I do.

Another Plants Update

This past summer was the first summer I had a balcony. I took full advantage of this balcony by growing many different plants. Check out my different blog posts this summer of my progress and fails in growing plants.

It’s Been 19 Years Since the World Changed

It has been 19 years since 9/11 happened. As I mentioned in this blog post, it is one of the first tragic terrorist attacks that I can recall in my life time. In this post I discuss my memories of that fateful day.

Happy Fall Ya’ll

Having holidays in a new apartment, means I get to try some new decorating ideas. For example, I have never had my own fireplace that I have been able to decorate. But this year, I plan to decorate it for every season. Check out this post to see how I decorated for fall.

Expanding Our Family… What’s Next for Us

This unexpectedly, was a super popular post. This was the post where I shared our thoughts on expanding our family. I also share a tentative 2 year plan as we prepare for parenthood.

Taco Baked Potato Recipe

I am such a huge fan of potatoes and tacos. So I thought, why not combine the two? In this post I share my recipe of a Taco Baked Potato.

Christmas Decorating 2020

Yes, I know… another decorating post. But I can’t help it, I love decorating and home decor. Check out this post to see how I decorated this year for Christmas.

A Look Ahead…

Breakfast Bruschetta Recipe

Our Love Story

Kid’s Corner: Color Sorting Activity

Discussing Family Planning with My OB

Recently, I had a very important appointment with my OBGYN. In the past I have had a variety of good appointments, and a variety of traumatic appointments at my OB’s office. However, this time was different, and surprisingly I had a very positive experience.

I made the appointment with my OB to discuss family planning and how to be a healthier me. It had been over a year since I had suffered my second miscarriage. So this appointment wasn’t a follow up physical and mental health appointment, nor was this appointment a pregnancy appointment. This appointment was just a let’s sit down and talk about how to be healthy appointment.

At this appointment my doctor seemed happy to see me. She was impressed that I graduated college, have a full time job as a teacher, have become more active and lost 20lbs in the last year, and that I have found ways to better manage my stress.

Throughout the appointment we discussed family planning and trying to concieve. My husband and I aren’t actively trying to concieve but rather, allowing it to happen if it does, and not preventing it if it does. We also discussed adoption and how this is the first avenue we plan to pursue.

In the end my doctor was very positive and hopeful that someday I could have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. But for now she is 100% supportive of my decision in getting healthy and working towards a child filled future.

Some things my doctor encouraged me to do as we plan for a family, include the following…

1. Start taking prenatal vitamins daily

2. Start taking my anxiety meds daily

3. Have my thyroid levels checked and managed regularly,

4. Continue to be active daily.

5. Strive for a better BMI, by starting with small goals, such as losing 10 lbs.

6. Drink plenty of water daily (48 oz.)

Expanding Our Family… What’s Next for Us

Happy Monday Friends!

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you’ve heard a little bit about my family. I have parents, a grandma, aunts and uncles, friends who are like siblings, a faithful husband, a little fur baby named Rocky, angel babies and many other family members up in Heaven.

I am 25 and my husband is 24. I graduated with a Bachelors degree in Child and Family Development, and he is graduating with his Bachelors this semester. We don’t have a ton of debt, but a fair amount we’d like to pay off in a decent amount of time. I work full time as a teacher, and my husband works in politics. This is our life. This is our family, so that begs the question… “What’s next for us?”

In the last two years we have had two miscarriages, pursued a trying to concieve journey and dealt with numerous health problems. However, that hasn’t stopped us from chasing what we truly want… and that is to expand our family and raise children.


Charles and I have had numerous discussions about TTC, IVF, surrogacy, adoption and the possibility of living a child free life. The conversations have sometimes been productive, but in other ways been very draining. Having all of our options on the table, made us realize what option would be best for us at this stage in life. We have decided to pursue adoption.

Our 2 Year Plan

  • Start planning and prepping for adoption while also no longer preventing and or accepting if a healthy pregnancy happens.
  • Begin praying, researching, and discussing adoption, and what form of adoption we wish to pursue.
  • Begin paying off debts, saving and fundraising for adoption costs.
  • Move to a two bedroom apartment, town house or home more suitable for a child.
  • Pick an adoption agency
  • Complete a home study.
  • Begin working with an agency, and have faith that we will be matched with the child that we are meant to have. ❤️

So this is our plan. As of right now we are on step one. It is not going to be easy and not something we are taking lightly. We both have a huge heart for adoption and honestly are open to whatever the Lord has in store.

We would both truly love everyone’s thoughts and prayers as we begin this long journey of preparing for parenthood as we pursue the option of adoption.