Is it just me, or is anyone else confused about what day it is? This pandemic is a very unique situation, and it can be easy to feel discouraged, depressed, angry and down. That is why I have compiled a list of 20 things to do while many of us are spending our time at home.
One thing I have done to occupy my time at home is to grow some plants. Now, normally I wouldn’t consider myself to have a green thumb, but I am optimistic and up to the challenge to be a plant mommy. I hope these ideas of what to do during a pandemic are helpful!
Tackling my bedroom was actually easier than I thought. I absolutely love the extra space and how it immediately felt like home!
Decorating my bedroom has been super enjoyable. I was able to incorporate some old decor, as well as add a touch of new! I absolutely love the natural lighting, compared to our old home. When we moved we were able to purchase some new lamps from Target, and a comforter from Home Goods. Sadly, our comforter is on back order until this whole virus business is over, so the old comforter will have to do for now. I am also excited I now have room to display some photos of our loved ones in our bedroom.
My tapestry is one of my favorite things in our bedroom. It used to be in our old living room, but I find that it fits better in here. It’s so rustic and tranquil that it almost makes me feel like I am in a peaceful part of the woods.
Well there you have it! I hope you enjoyed my bedroom reveal! What room would you like to see next? Kitchen? Living room? Closets? Let me know!
On March 20th, we moved into our new home. Originally, I didn’t think I would have much time to unpack and organize our new home. But with the stay at home order in place, I have nothing but time at home. I have been diligently organizing and decorating each room until I feel it is complete. I am happy to announce that my bathroom is ready for its’ big reveal! So without further or do… here is my bathroom!
I absolutely love the openness of my bathroom. It is the biggest bathroom we’ve ever had!
I was able to keep some of my old beach themed bathroom decor, as well as add some new pieces. These beach pictures were a dollar store find!
Charles picked out the shower curtain from Target. It has cute raindrops and is absolutely perfect.
The counter space is AMAZING! There’s enough space for the counter not to feel cluttered, but still have our things accessible.
There is so much room with cabinet space, closet space and a medicine cabinet.
Before and after…
There you have it! I hope you enjoyed my bathroom reveal! Keep an eye out for more room reveals! 🙂
It has been a long time and I am so sorry about that. To be honest my life has made a 180° turn since my last post. So many things have changed and I would love to catch you all up.
I graduate in 25 days… or do I? Being in college amidst this global pandemic has surely taken a toll on my studies. About two weeks ago my university transitioned to distant learning and all classes are being completed online. I was also notified a few days later that my graduation ceremony is being postponed. I’m disappointed in how much the current pandemic is affecting my last semester, but I’m thankful to be healthy, safe and to be able to finish my last semester of college.
I got a new job! Recently, I got a new job as a Young 5’s teacher. However with all the shut downs, and stay at home orders…. my job is on pause for now. I have faith however, things will get back to normal and I will be able to go back to doing what I love… teaching and working with children. ❤️
My Memoir is still in the making… Don’t worry, I’m still writing my book, but I’m realizing it is more of a process than I had ever anticipated. I’ve mostly focused on school, and my hope is after the semester is over, I can go back to writing my book. It’s not like I won’t have time to do so, since we’re all stuck at home.
We moved! This is the biggest change of all! We moved to a new apartment that is beautiful and cozy. I have been diligently decorating and organizing our new space, and I can’t wait to share all about it!
How are you doing? This pandemic is interesting, strange, confusing, scary, exhausting, and stressful. How are you feeling? I’m here if you want to talk, vent, or simply express yourself. I also want to offer a little encouragement. It’s okay to not be okay. We’re all going through it. We’re all anxious and wondering about the unknown. We’re all frustrated about what we can’t control. We’re all struggling. But it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to get through this together. It’s okay to lean on each other and check in. It’s okay that we are doing the best we can right now. Hugs and prayers to all of you!
It’s okay to not be okay… and today I am not okay. A year ago today I was happy. I went to a doctor appointment that I thought would leave me joyous and thankful. Instead it left me with every emotion imaginable, and this is when my grief first began. I was 11 weeks pregnant. I was supposed have an ultrasound and hear my baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. Instead I heard the words “I’m so sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat.” Instead of feeling joyous, I left feeling empty and broken.
My life changed that day. I became an angel mommy. I had to learn how to let go of a child that I fell in love with but didn’t get to meet. I learned who my true friends and family were. I learned how incredibly common pregnancy loss is, even though no one talks about it. I learned that there are good people in the healthcare system who go above and beyond for their patients. I also learned how the healthcare system let’s so many women like me down. I learned how to grieve, how to live, and how to be happy again. It wasn’t easy, and trust me… I’m still working on it.
Grief is a burden that we all have to deal with in this life. There is no telling how or when you’ll go through it. But we grieve because we love. It hurts because we don’t want to say goodbye. It’s confusing because we don’t know how to handle it until it happens. But more often than not grief brings people together. Whether it’s losing a parent, losing a sibling, losing a friend, losing a child, losing a neighbor, a coworker or even someone well known… it hurts, and it unifies us.
So today I am not okay. I am giving myself permission to grieve my baby. I’m not going to feel guilty for not being my best today. I’m going breathe, rest and remember what I had before I had to say goodbye, and that’s okay.
I love you Mackenzie! Daddy and I miss you so much. 💕
No, this is not a pregnancy announcement or a trying to conceive announcement. This isn’t an announcement at all, but rather a vision for new opportunities. I love having friends and family who know me. I love having these people in my life who take the time to listen and care for my needs and desires as a person and as a woman.
Recently, one of my best friends gave me a gift. At first when I received the gift, I didn’t know how to feel or what to think. My friend Reaghan gave me a planner, but not just any planner. She gave me a Mommy To Be planner. This planner is specifically for expectant moms who want to organize and prepare for their baby’s arrival.
Now, I didn’t ask for this gift, and frankly I was a little shocked to have received it. After my first miscarriage, I knew I would eventually want to try and have another baby. But after experiencing a second miscarriage, I’m not really sure how I feel. I’ve had two pregnancies that ended with surgery, and trauma. I don’t know if I can bare another loss. I don’t know if my heart can take it. It scares me.
However, even though I’m not sure if I could handle another pregnancy, I am sure of something. I want to be mom. I believe I will be a mom somehow and in someway. Whether it’s through foster care, adoption, pregnancy, surrogacy, or ministry… I believe it’s what God has called me to do.
I think that’s why Reaghan gave me this gift. Not because she thinks I’m trying to get pregnant, and not because she didn’t know what to get me, but because she knows me. She knows I want to be a mom and she knew just what to give me in this time in my life, when I simply don’t know what the next step is. She is a true friend. ❤️
So, if I’m being honest… it has been a rough week. My week has been filled with deaths, grief, sickness and stress. But come to think of it, these things are pretty typical around this time of year. Since I am home sick with not a whole lot of energy, then why not write a blog post, right?
7 Things about myself, hmm…. this blog topic I found on Pintrest. Honestly, I feel kind of weird talking about myself, but it’s important. One of my goals this semester is to be more authentic. I want to be more real and open about myself, my struggles, my success and my life. I guess this blog post is a great place to start!
7 Things About Myself
1. I have NEVER been on a cruise and have no desire to go on a Cruise.
Cruises I’m sure seem fun for some, but for me does not sound appealing at all. I get sea sick super easily. I would freak out if I was stuck on the boat for too long, and I have watched the movie Titanic WAY too many times. Enough said.
2. I am TERRIFIED of airplanes!
I have road on a plane a total of 8 times. One round trip to the Dominican Republic with a connecting flight in Florida, and a round trip to Disney World with a connecting flight in Detroit. Planes are just not my thing. I don’t like the noises. I don’t like the feeling of landing and taking off. I don’t like the small windows, closet size bathroom, germs from passengers and tiny seats. I panic when I am on a plane as I am terrified something will go wrong. I hold my breath and pray to Jesus until I am safely on the ground. So, yeah… planes are not for me.
3. I met my friends only because I REALLY had to pee.
It’s a long story, but basically there was a gathering at their house and my parents and I were invited. My parents put on a flag retirement ceremony. Before the ceremony started, I really had to pee. My mom asked Andrea and Alli’s Dad if I could use their bathroom. After Alli showed me the bathroom, Andrea asked me to play volleyball… and the rest is history.
4. I am an Aunt to lots of nieces and nephews… none of which are biological.
If I were to count all of my husband’s nieces and nephews as well as friends of mine that have kids that are considered my nieces and nephews, that would mean I have a total of 11 nieces and nephews. 🙂
5. I hate matching socks!
As a child and as a adult, I have hated matching socks. I probably do it a total of 4 times a year. It drives my mom crazy, but Charles doesn’t seem to care. 🤣 I guess I figure, no one is going to see them anyway, so what’s the point?
6. I have NEVER had a bloody nose.
Yep, never had a bloody nose a day in my life. In fact, when I see others having a bloody nose, I freak out because it looks painful. But I’m told it doesn’t hurt at all, and it’s like a runny nose. Who knew?
7. I have always wanted to go to New York City.
I’ve always had a fascination about the big city and wanted to go visit. I want to see everything from the Empire State Building, to the Statue of Liberty, to Times Square, to the 9/11 Memorial and Museum, to Studio 1A to the Brooklyn Bridge. Someday soon I hope to visit New York. It’s kind of ironic though, how I have always dreamed of New York, and I even married a New Yorker.
Well, there you have it. These are just a few interesting facts about me. Thanks for reading!
This semester, I decided to take a class for my health. Since last spring, I have been striving to do better, and become a healthier me. One of the ways I have been doing this is by taking a yoga class.
At first, I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about this class. This class was not required for my degree, or needed for me to graduate. Therefore, I was afraid I may not be motivated to go to this class, and even look at it as a obligation, instead of a reward or opportunity.
In my first yoga class we learned how to find our breath. We did some deep breathing, learning how to be still and and relax. I felt like the class was very simple and didn’t notice much of a change in my mind, breath or body. However, a few hours later, as I made pizzas at work, I felt different. Even though I was physically tired from the day, mentally I was great. My mind was clear and I felt very zen.
Throughout the first few weeks of the semester, each yoga session has gotten a little more challenging physically, but has also had me feeling very calm, peaceful and zen. Even on the days I don’t have yoga, I find myself finding my breath and taking a moment to rest my mind.
I am truly looking forward to this semester and how my yoga class will help me in any challenges I may face. Namaste 🙏
So remember last year, how I set a goal to donate a bunch of handmade baby hats to the hospital in remembrance of my angel baby Mackenzie? Well, I’m sure you can probably guess that, that didn’t happen. I did not make enough baby hats, and I also got pregnant a second time a lot faster than I expected. So… I pushed it off and said I would donate around Christmas. To be honest guys, I couldn’t do it. Emotionally, Christmas was HARD. I didn’t think I was going to survive it. Long story short, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with this project. As much as I want to donate to the hospital, it’s like it’s a reminder of what I don’t have. When I think about giving new moms, hats to put on their babies… I am reminded that my babies never got to wear the hats I made them. Is that selfish? Maybe. But when I donate and do something good for others, I too want to feel good about it… and not filled with jealousy, envy and anger. So, I guess the project is on hold for now. We will see where this project goes in the future.
You’d think that it would be unbearable to work in a nursery after losing two babies… but that’s actually not the case.
I work in a nursery approximately three Sundays a month. During this time we play with kids, have entertaining conversations and even create some beautiful works of art through arts and crafts. It’s fun. When I’m with kids, I rarely am sad about my kids. It’s interesting. Instead of being sad about loss, I just feel joy. I feel joy when I’m around kids, and I always have. Even when I visit friends with kids, I feel so blessed to be able to watch them parent, and watch these children grow into beautiful people.
So, my challenge of working in a nursery…. isn’t what you think. It’s not challenging because I am working with kids. It’s challenging because I feel joy, and I don’t know if that’s okay. Is okay that I’m not sad about my babies every second of every day? Is it okay I find moments to laugh, moments to be happy, and moments to live? Is it okay? I believe it is. I know, my babies would want me to be happy. I will ALWAYS miss them. I will ALWAYS love them, but I also know it’s okay to have a little joy.
As many of you know, I spent a handful of hours in counseling last year after my first miscarriage. Through counseling I was able to develop coping skills such as self talk, reflection, and anxiety management. I was in counseling approximately once a week from March to July. At the end of June I essentially “graduated” from counseling for awhile until I felt a need to return.
Since coming back to counseling after suffering my second miscarriage at the end of September; I have begun to rebuild the skills I had started to lose. This time around in counseling, not only have I gone more in-depth about grief and advocacy but also on how I can be in the NOW. As a student, planner, organization freak and perfectionist, I take pride in planning the future. Planning helps me prepare for change, and also prepare if things don’t go as planned. However, I really struggle with living in the NOW. I have lost that feeling, and that state of just being.
My counselor, who is a AMAZING I might add; had an idea for myself, and other students just like me. In her office she has on her desk a bowl of sea glass. Each piece of sea glass is different. Some are round. Some are rough. Some have cracks in them. Some are shaped like diamonds. Each piece is unique for each person. My counselor allowed each one of her students to take a piece of sea glass to hold on too. She explained to me that we as people need something tangible. We need something to hold on to. We need something to ground us.
So, everyday I carry with me my little piece of sea glass. I reach into my pocket and feel the smooth diamond shape. Sometimes I pull it out of my pocket and admire its’ little crack in the center. This crack reminds me of myself, in the sense that I’m scarred but I’m not broken. It is a wonderful, real item that I feel, and serves as a reminder that it is okay to live in the now.
Miscarriage – The act of losing a pregnancy or the act of a baby passing away in the womb before 20 weeks of gestation. To be honest, I’m not very fond of the word “Mis” carriage. When I first suffered a miscarriage, I used this word often. When I googled reasons on why a loss such as this happens, the word miscarriage was something I typed into google daily. I used the word miscarriage when sharing my story and talking to other moms who have suffered a miscarriage. But now, I am really starting to detest the word.
The reason why I am not fond of the word miscarriage, is because of what it implies. Sure, many of us know the politically correct meaning of the word, but imagine if you first heard it, break it down and sound it out. Mis-carriage. As I think about it, this word was written as if it implies that this little baby that a momma is carrying is no longer being carried… or being carried improperly. It’s almost as if it’s implying that the mother is to blame because she can’t carry her baby. If that is the case, then it’s not a very accurate word. Studies show that the cause of miscarriages is more often than not chromosomal abnormalities, and not anything that the mother did.
Since I am not very fond of the word miscarriage, I am starting to use the word pregnancy loss instead. Saying pregnancy loss instead of miscarriage doesn’t seem as harsh. It also seems to imply that a mother lost her baby verses didn’t carry them properly. Implying that there was a loss not only shows that the pregnancy loss was out of the mother’s control but also is a devastating ambiguous loss.
Therefore, when someone asks me about pregnancy, kids and the like… I will say I have suffered 2 pregnancy losses, instead of 2 miscarriages. Because I lost my babies… I didn’t improperly carry them.
• Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so others can find them. • Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger. • Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 questions. • Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts. • List the rules and display a Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or blog site.
I want to thank Pooja over at lifesfinewhine for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Check out her blog at lifefinewhine.com
1. Road trip or flight, which one do you prefer?
Personally, I am not a fan of flying. I know it’s safe, but my anxiety often gets the best of me and I can not breathe easy when I am on an airplane. In fact the last time I was on an airplane, my aunt asked me if I had something that could knock me out until we landed… if that tells you anything. I think roadtrips are more fun because I enjoy sightseeing and being able to stop along the way.
2. How loyal are you?
I consider myself pretty loyal. I don’t ever maliciously try to hurt others, and I try to be there for those I love.
3. Are friends or family the people who influence you more?
To be honest, it’s a tie. Both my family and friends influence and inspire me every single day.
4. You have been shipwrecked, and there is only you and one other survivor. What do you do to occupy your time as there are no books or electronics?
Talk, sing, dance, run, play hide and seek, tell stories.
5. What is your favorite animal? Share a picture.
At the moment I really love pugs. My husband and I both get super excited when we see pugs.
6. Do you enjoy camping?
Yes! I haven’t been in years, but I sure do!
7. Would you prefer to live by the sea or by the mountains?
The sea definitely! The beach is tranquil and my happy place.
8. Considering the times we live in, if your family member or friend told you they are gay, what would your reaction be? How would you handle it?
I would love them, just as I always have.
9. If you caught your family member watching something inappropriate, how would you handle the situation? What would you say to them?
I would be concerned and offer resources and a listening ear. Honestly, I’d probably pray for them too.