Happy 1st Birthday to my sweet fur baby Rocky!
Your Daddy and I adopted you 7 months ago! Time sure has flown.
You are a cute, cuddly, sassy, stubborn, mischievous, vocal, loyal, friendly, adorable little kitty.
We love you so much! đž
I have tossed around the idea of posting this photo. I have contemplated if I should even write a blog post about this particular topic as it is so incredibly personal. I have weighed the pros and cons of this post and decided on this. On my blog I have always been real and raw when it comes to my life, my challenges and my grief. Over the last twoish years I have shared the details of my grief and miscarriages because it not only helped me heal and process the trauma of that season in my life, but I knew one day my story could help someone else. Therefore, if I share my stories of pregnancy loss, then I can also share my challenges of trying to concieve and start a family.
Last May around Motherâs Day, Charles and I decided we again wanted to try and start a family. It had been 8 months since our second miscarriage and though I donât think we can ever fully heal from a loss such as this, we both have gained a lot of growth, wisdom and strength from suffering two losses. So in May we decided to start trying again.
When deciding to try again, we discussed how we did not want to obsess over trying to get pregnant. Rather we were just going to allow what ever happen to happen. I wasnât going to track my temp or track my ovulation. We decided we were going to try and live our lives and allow God to move when He sees fit.
In September, after 4 months of trying and no luck, Charles and I looked into adoption. The desire to become parents in the last few years has grown so strong, and we both love the idea of conceiving our own healthy baby, or adopting a child. Since September we have continued to research the option of adoption and have found there are a few steps we would need to complete before going any further. So in some ways we are at a stand still.
This past month we reached 6 months of trying. And I was convinced that I was pregnant. I was super hungry, tired, had a cold, emotional, my boobs hurt, my hips hurt, I had some cramping that was different than my normal period cramping, headaches and I was three days late. I hoped and prayed that I was pregnant as it would have been a sweet ending to a crazy year. But that wasnât the case. Another negative yet again.
The day I took the test I was down, defeated and devastated. But as I write this over a week later, I realize that it was for the best. I donât know why, but I know it wasnât meant to be right now. Since my second miscarriage I have asked God to please not let me get pregnant unless I am pregnant with a healthy baby. And so, since getting another negative I look at it that way. As much as not getting pregnant right now is hard, itâs not as devastating for me as it would be to lose another baby.
I keep thinking God just wants me to do more, before having kids. Maybe thatâs publishing my memoir. Maybe thatâs moving up at my job. Maybe itâs making money through my blog. And maybe itâs just sharing my story with all of you. I donât know the reason. But I know that Iâm not in control. As scary as it is, I want to have a baby. I want to be a mom to a baby here on earth. But I know that if that stick had two lines, I would have been happy, but not excited.
When youâve suffered a loss, getting pregnant again feels different. Since youâve already had the worst happen, youâre extra cautious and itâs always in the back of your mind. Is it going to happen again? Am I going to lose this pregnancy? Will this be a healthy baby? Only God knows the answers to those questions. And only time will tell whatâs in store for us.
For now, I am going to do my best to keep living my life, teaching preschoolers, loving my family, writing, and appreciating the little things. â¤ď¸
Happy Monday Friends!
If youâve been following me for awhile, youâve heard a little bit about my family. I have parents, a grandma, aunts and uncles, friends who are like siblings, a faithful husband, a little fur baby named Rocky, angel babies and many other family members up in Heaven.
I am 25 and my husband is 24. I graduated with a Bachelors degree in Child and Family Development, and he is graduating with his Bachelors this semester. We donât have a ton of debt, but a fair amount weâd like to pay off in a decent amount of time. I work full time as a teacher, and my husband works in politics. This is our life. This is our family, so that begs the question… âWhatâs next for us?â
In the last two years we have had two miscarriages, pursued a trying to concieve journey and dealt with numerous health problems. However, that hasnât stopped us from chasing what we truly want… and that is to expand our family and raise children.
Charles and I have had numerous discussions about TTC, IVF, surrogacy, adoption and the possibility of living a child free life. The conversations have sometimes been productive, but in other ways been very draining. Having all of our options on the table, made us realize what option would be best for us at this stage in life. We have decided to pursue adoption.
So this is our plan. As of right now we are on step one. It is not going to be easy and not something we are taking lightly. We both have a huge heart for adoption and honestly are open to whatever the Lord has in store.
We would both truly love everyoneâs thoughts and prayers as we begin this long journey of preparing for parenthood as we pursue the option of adoption.
