In the midst of this quarantine and stay at home order, I have been busy at work creating my books. I am in the process of creating 3 different books.
The first I started writing is my memoir. This book is the most detailed and is taking me the most time to complete. I am on chapter 7 out of 20 on the first draft. This book is coming along and I am hoping to have it done by Christmas.
My second book is my children’s book about grief and pregnancy loss. This book is in its’ finial stages of the publishing process and will hopefully be done very soon.
My last writing project is a journal of some sort. I’m not entirely sure who my audience is, or what the theme of this journal will be… but we will see. It’s all a work in progress.
Writing and publishing a book has always been a dream of mine. However, with many dreams you must first have patience and put in a lot of hard work. Therefore, it can become very easy to get unmotivated in accomplishing these dreams. There are moments where I feel stagnant, but that will not stop me from reaching my dreams. Like anything else I know all this hard work will eventually pay off.
Back in the beginning of April I planted some plants. Unfortunately none of them made it due to cold Michigan mornings, lack of sunlight and extra water. So, this past weekend I decided to try again.
This is my mosquito plant, and I shall call him Chester. I have Chester right near my door to hopefully keep the mosquitoes away. Bonus, Chester gives off a lemon-like fragrance that smells oh so fresh.
This is Lilly Lettuce. Lily will hopefully grow up and produce some yummy lettuce for salads and tacos!
This is Harry the cherry tomato plant. Harry is thriving in his watering can pot. I can’t wait to see your yummy tomatoes Harry!
These are my lovely radishes who have already started to sprout. I shall call them the Rebels because they took no time at all to reach their milestones.
These are the Spice Girl peppers new and improved! Let’s see if we can grow some spicy peppers!
This is Henry my BIG tomato plant. Henry has already grown an inch! I’m so proud of you Henry. Can’t wait to see your tomatoes!
This is Clive the Chive. Clive is pretty chill, just growing and smelling like onion.
Albert is back and cooler than ever! Albert is my cilantro plant and I can’t wait until you sprout little buddy!
This is Sandy. I didn’t plant Sandy. I actually found her in a store… and it was love at first sight. Sandy is thriving and she loves the heat!
And here are my flowers, and I will call them Sunshine. I was slightly nervous to plant flowers as I am not a huge fan of bees. But I think having flowers will be a nice touch to our balcony.
Well, there you have it. Those are all my plant babies! Can’t wait to see them grow, grow, GROW!
May 13th, 2020. Three days after Mother’s Day. This day had never been so important to me, until I found I was pregnant for a second time. Looking at that second line on a pregnancy test on a late September evening, I thought “This is it. This is my rainbow baby. Thank you Jesus” My joy only lasted for about 20 days, until I started spotting and realized I would lose this baby.
I was pregnant for 7 weeks with a baby my husband and I named Chase. We named him Chase because we were Chasing our Rainbow. Unfortunately that wasn’t”t God’s plan. Chase was only physically with me for a short time, but will be in our hearts forever.
I miss you Chase. I miss you so much. You were in my life for a short time, and as hard as it was to let you go, I thank God for you. Losing you was devastating, but knowing there were other angels in Heaven waiting to take care of you, brought me comfort.
Happy due date Chase. Sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge this, but I just couldn’t write out my thoughts and feelings until I was ready. I love Baby Chase. 💕
It’s Mother’s Day. This is the day we celebrate all the mothers. We celebrate the women In our lives who have raised us, nurtured us and taught us how to be good people in our society. We celebrate the women who showed us unconditional love from the very beginning. This day is meant to be a celebration, but to many… it is a somber holiday.
Being a mother is a very special role. It is one of, if not the hardest job there is. That being said not all mothers are the same. When you think of a mother you likely will think of biological moms, step moms, foster moms, moms who have adopted and grandmothers. But what about the other moms in this world? What about the women who hold a mothering role in a child’s life, such as an aunt, cousin, friend, teacher, or mentor. What about the moms who have lost a child, whether it was a pregnancy loss, neonatal loss or loss of a child at an older age?
All of these women are just as much mothers, and hold a special place in our society and in a child’s life.
And let’s not forget all the women who want to be mothers. These women may struggle with infertility, illness, are choosing not to have children at this time in their life or suffer from recurrent miscarriages. These women are as much mothers to our society and to children in our world, just in a different way.
This mother’s day is also different as the Covid-19 pandemic has prevented some children from seeing and celebrating their mother’s today. It almost seems as if there is a grief in the air just from the pandemic. I feel that in it self has made this holiday especially somber this year.
Even though this is a holiday to celebrate all the mothers, it is sometimes a somber holiday for those who have lost a child, who are unable to have children, or who have lost their mothers. If you are reading this, and you have lost your mother, lost a child or are unable to have children, I just want to say… I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry this holiday brings up emotions of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety and dread. I’m sorry for the atmosphere of loneliness you feel on this holiday. I want to remind you though that you are not alone. Yes, your experience is yours, but their are so many of us who too have experienced that loss.
There are so many of us who have felt the pain that can be experienced in this life, even though we don’t talk about it.
So today, not only are we celebrating all the traditional mother’s out there, but we are remembering the mothers who have faced loss and heartache as well. I can tell you first hand, this day is not easy, but when the grief and loneliness become too much, remember to take care of you. Don’t have high expectations on yourself. Give yourself grace and love. Order food in, eat some chocolate, take a bubble bath, binge watch a comedy series, or stay in your PJs. Happy or not this day is about you and the love you’ve shared.
Today I will be taking it easy and remembering my babies I’ve lost because even though it hurts, they made me a mom. When the grief gets to be too much today, I will remember that I am not any less a mom because my babies are in Heaven.
I will end with this. It’s Mother’s Day, happy or not this is the day we celebrate and remember all mothers and to all the women who share that role. Thank you for all that you do and love that you’ve shared. I will be thinking of you today.
Guess what!?!?… I finally did it! I graduated college and received my Bachelor’s degree! I now hold an Associate’s degree in General Studies, an Associate’s degree in Early Childhood Education and a Bachelor’s degree in Child and Family Development.
It has taken me 7 years total to complete my college journey. I spent 3 years at community college, took a gap year and 3 years at a university. To be honest, I thought I was going to be in college… FOREVER. And I can’t tell you how thankful I am to be done.
I went through a lot of changes through these last 7 years. I fell in love, got engaged and got married. I worked numerous jobs including receptionist, food service, and lead teacher. I also received scholarships, rewards, dean’s list recognition, and participated in student organizations. I endured a lot of hardships including depression, anxiety, financial challenges, miscarriages, surgery, and grief. Lastly, I made long lasting friendships, received so much love and support from family, learned life long lessons and received a wonderful education.
So many times I wanted quit. So many times I wanted to throw it all away. So many times I thought it was too hard and I just wasn’t made for college. But I didn’t quit. I didn’t give up. I kept pushing forward and I reached my goal. It was’t easy… but I did it.
As many of you know, due to this whole coronavirus pandemic, many graduation ceremonies were cancelled or postponed… including mine. On my graduation day, I proudly put on my cap and gown, and drove to see my family. I sat in the car and they saw me from a distance. I’m thankful they were able to see me on my graduation day.
When we got home, my hubby took pictures and made me a wonderful graduation dinner. Though this day wasn’t anything like I had expected, and I was slightly bummed I wasn’t able to participate in a ceremony with my class; I’m still thankful I was able to celebrate and make the most out of this day.
So it’s official. I did it. I still can’t believe it. I’m officially a college graduate! 🎓
Hello Friends! Last weekend, I did something pretty cool. My husband and I bought a new dining room table from Walmart. It took us most of Sunday to put it together, but we finally did it! I’m super excited for you to see my dining room!
One of the first things we did after putting together the table and chairs, was putting together our bulletin board. For awhile now I have had a bulletin board, and a dry erase calendar. They both take up quite a bit of space on the wall, so I thought… why not combine them! This was a fun little DIY project I did by using materials I already had, and making it work for our family.
I am so impressed with how our dining room turned out, and how our apartment is coming together beautifully! I simply can’t wait to have Sunday morning breakfast and holiday meals in our new dining room. What room would you like to see next? Kitchen? Laundry Room? Balcony? Let me know! 💕
It’s been a year… a full year. It’s been a year since I made a decision that would forever change my life. It’s been a year since I took on a new hobby, that I never thought I would be good at. It’s been a year since I made myself vulnerable and shared my story with the world. It’s bann a year of craziness, growth and healing. It’s been a year since I started this blog called Grief and Mercy, and it has changed my life.
When I first started my blog, I truly, truly didn’t think anyone would read it… except maybe my mom. I’ve enjoyed writing/journaling for a long time, but didn’t think I had what it takes to be a blogger. It wasn’t until my blog was receiving daily views that made me feel like a blogger.
Also, I am absolutely blown away by the statistics my blog has gathered within a year. I’m not sure how any of you feel about numbers, and math but I find it interesting. I’d like to share some with you if that’s okay.
In the last year my blog has received…
In April 2019 compared to April 2020…
148 Views – 150 Views
98 Visitors – 113 Visitors
1 Like – 18 Likes
Recently, I also reached a goal that I want to thank each and every one of you for. My goal I set around Christmas 2019, was that I could reach 100 followers on my blog by May 1st. I am happy to announce that I reached that goal on April 13th and now have 103 followers.
Thank you so much to every single one of you for supporting and joining me on this journey. I have enjoyed blogging so much this past year, and hope to continue blogging for a long time. Thank you so much to everyone who took a chance on reading my first post and have stuck with me since the very beginning. I also want to thank those who have joined me just recently. Lastly, I also want to acknowledge those who may have stumbled across my blog because they found comfort and could relate to my story. Thank you! Thank you everyone!
So far I have written 147 blog posts. This time next year I hope to have written 300. I hope to continue getting followers… 50 more would be nice. I also hope to incorporate new content into my blog. For now, I am going to sign off, as I still have some homework to get done. But I will say, in my very first blog post I said I was taking a leap of faith… and I am so glad I did!
My living room is probably my favorite place in the apartment, at the moment. I absolutely love the layout, the sliding glass door, the natural lighting, and the fireplace! It has been so much fun to be able to decorate this part of our home, as I have been able to add some new decor!
In our previous apartments, I have never had so much natural lighting and never have had luck in growing plants. However, since this whole quarantine business, I have an abundance of time and natural lighting for my precious plant babies. Everyday I place my plants out on my balcony to get some sun light, and every evening I bring them in before they get cold. If it’s too cold during the day, I set them near the sliding glass door window to get their sun light. Having a sliding glass door off the livingroom has really been a blessing.
As of right now we are still using my trunk as a table, but I am hoping once the pandemic has passed, we can purchase a new coffee table (I’ll keep you posted :D) We recently purchased our two maps of NYC and Paris from Target. They were on clearance for $8! What a great deal!
The fireplace, as I mentioned is one of my favorites! I also love my gorgeous palm tree named Sandy. She adds just the right touch to our home ❤️. One last piece of home decor I truly appreciate is the large cross that we have hung over our fireplace. This was a wedding gift from a dear friend of mine, and it says “Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us… but the greatest of these is Love.”
There you have it! Let me know what you think of my living room by dropping a comment! ⬇️
Is it just me, or is anyone else confused about what day it is? This pandemic is a very unique situation, and it can be easy to feel discouraged, depressed, angry and down. That is why I have compiled a list of 20 things to do while many of us are spending our time at home.
One thing I have done to occupy my time at home is to grow some plants. Now, normally I wouldn’t consider myself to have a green thumb, but I am optimistic and up to the challenge to be a plant mommy. I hope these ideas of what to do during a pandemic are helpful!
Tackling my bedroom was actually easier than I thought. I absolutely love the extra space and how it immediately felt like home!
Decorating my bedroom has been super enjoyable. I was able to incorporate some old decor, as well as add a touch of new! I absolutely love the natural lighting, compared to our old home. When we moved we were able to purchase some new lamps from Target, and a comforter from Home Goods. Sadly, our comforter is on back order until this whole virus business is over, so the old comforter will have to do for now. I am also excited I now have room to display some photos of our loved ones in our bedroom.
My tapestry is one of my favorite things in our bedroom. It used to be in our old living room, but I find that it fits better in here. It’s so rustic and tranquil that it almost makes me feel like I am in a peaceful part of the woods.
Well there you have it! I hope you enjoyed my bedroom reveal! What room would you like to see next? Kitchen? Living room? Closets? Let me know!
On March 20th, we moved into our new home. Originally, I didn’t think I would have much time to unpack and organize our new home. But with the stay at home order in place, I have nothing but time at home. I have been diligently organizing and decorating each room until I feel it is complete. I am happy to announce that my bathroom is ready for its’ big reveal! So without further or do… here is my bathroom!
I absolutely love the openness of my bathroom. It is the biggest bathroom we’ve ever had!
I was able to keep some of my old beach themed bathroom decor, as well as add some new pieces. These beach pictures were a dollar store find!
Charles picked out the shower curtain from Target. It has cute raindrops and is absolutely perfect.
The counter space is AMAZING! There’s enough space for the counter not to feel cluttered, but still have our things accessible.
There is so much room with cabinet space, closet space and a medicine cabinet.
Before and after…
There you have it! I hope you enjoyed my bathroom reveal! Keep an eye out for more room reveals! 🙂
It has been a long time and I am so sorry about that. To be honest my life has made a 180° turn since my last post. So many things have changed and I would love to catch you all up.
I graduate in 25 days… or do I? Being in college amidst this global pandemic has surely taken a toll on my studies. About two weeks ago my university transitioned to distant learning and all classes are being completed online. I was also notified a few days later that my graduation ceremony is being postponed. I’m disappointed in how much the current pandemic is affecting my last semester, but I’m thankful to be healthy, safe and to be able to finish my last semester of college.
I got a new job! Recently, I got a new job as a Young 5’s teacher. However with all the shut downs, and stay at home orders…. my job is on pause for now. I have faith however, things will get back to normal and I will be able to go back to doing what I love… teaching and working with children. ❤️
My Memoir is still in the making… Don’t worry, I’m still writing my book, but I’m realizing it is more of a process than I had ever anticipated. I’ve mostly focused on school, and my hope is after the semester is over, I can go back to writing my book. It’s not like I won’t have time to do so, since we’re all stuck at home.
We moved! This is the biggest change of all! We moved to a new apartment that is beautiful and cozy. I have been diligently decorating and organizing our new space, and I can’t wait to share all about it!
How are you doing? This pandemic is interesting, strange, confusing, scary, exhausting, and stressful. How are you feeling? I’m here if you want to talk, vent, or simply express yourself. I also want to offer a little encouragement. It’s okay to not be okay. We’re all going through it. We’re all anxious and wondering about the unknown. We’re all frustrated about what we can’t control. We’re all struggling. But it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to get through this together. It’s okay to lean on each other and check in. It’s okay that we are doing the best we can right now. Hugs and prayers to all of you!
It’s okay to not be okay… and today I am not okay. A year ago today I was happy. I went to a doctor appointment that I thought would leave me joyous and thankful. Instead it left me with every emotion imaginable, and this is when my grief first began. I was 11 weeks pregnant. I was supposed have an ultrasound and hear my baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. Instead I heard the words “I’m so sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat.” Instead of feeling joyous, I left feeling empty and broken.
My life changed that day. I became an angel mommy. I had to learn how to let go of a child that I fell in love with but didn’t get to meet. I learned who my true friends and family were. I learned how incredibly common pregnancy loss is, even though no one talks about it. I learned that there are good people in the healthcare system who go above and beyond for their patients. I also learned how the healthcare system let’s so many women like me down. I learned how to grieve, how to live, and how to be happy again. It wasn’t easy, and trust me… I’m still working on it.
Grief is a burden that we all have to deal with in this life. There is no telling how or when you’ll go through it. But we grieve because we love. It hurts because we don’t want to say goodbye. It’s confusing because we don’t know how to handle it until it happens. But more often than not grief brings people together. Whether it’s losing a parent, losing a sibling, losing a friend, losing a child, losing a neighbor, a coworker or even someone well known… it hurts, and it unifies us.
So today I am not okay. I am giving myself permission to grieve my baby. I’m not going to feel guilty for not being my best today. I’m going breathe, rest and remember what I had before I had to say goodbye, and that’s okay.
I love you Mackenzie! Daddy and I miss you so much. 💕