A Calling to Advocate

Throughout the month of April, I spent a lot of time catching up on assignments I had missed and continued counseling and working on myself. I so badly wanted to be myself again. But I quickly realized there was no going back to my old self again. I was not the same person I was. The minute I found out I was pregnant, I was changed forever. I changed yet again when I lost my baby. There was no going back.

As I continued counseling and interacting in my support group, I realized how incredibly messed up our society is. I was not the only woman who had lost a baby and was let down by the healthcare system. I was not the only woman of whom was told wrong and hurtful things when people found out I had lost my baby. I was not the only woman who was forever effected by the stigma of miscarriage. I was not the only woman who felt like no one understood, and that there are not a lot of available resources to women who have miscarried in this country. I quickly realized I was not the only woman. I was not alone.

When I realized this new perspective, I became angry. I was so angry that women like me felt they needed to suffer in silence because the topic of miscarriage isn’t socially acceptable. I became angry that women like me were falling through the cracks. I became angry that the healthcare system was messed up and there were few people I personally encountered that actually knew how to talk and help me as I was grieving. What angered me the most was the fact that if 1 in 4 people have a miscarriage… then why don’t we talk about it!?

This anger and realization gave me energy… as my counselor put it, in fact I spent two 1 hour sessions ranting to her how angry I was about this. I found myself so angry but also so excited. I wanted to create change. I wanted to change the way we look at miscarriage. I wanted to change the system and actually help women who have experienced pregnancy loss. I wanted to make change. I wanted to advocate.

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As I write this I have actually built up some confidence as I settle with the idea, but at the time… let me tell you, I was terrified. I didn’t want to do this. I’m one person with one voice. Part of me wanted to push the idea out of my mind and move on… but I couldn’t. It was almost like an ah-ha moment. It was like a God moment. I felt like I got smacked in the face with this calling, and there was no turning back now. I talked the idea over with my counselor and my internship coordinator. They were both incredibly supportive.

Once I discovered this new calling to advocate, I felt peace. I knew this was my new path. But where to begin…. How does someone become an advocate? I did some research and I talked with my coordinator. She helped me find material and educational pieces to help me develop my advocacy identity. I was also able to set goals and boundaries through this education. My next step was to share my story. I had already shared my story on FB. Next, I wanted to try sharing my story in person. I wanted to see if I could handle it.

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